Everyone wants me to accept reality for the cruel, unforgiving place that it is, fine, I do, I fucking accept it. I will never be happy, I will always hate my life, the world, and myself. See, for so long I wanted to die, I really did, I almost succeeded in doing so, only to be shoved in some fucking hospital for it. Then I got a little better, just a little, I actually felt happy for the first time in a year, so of course, that was crushed, so fuck it, you win, world. The girl I love, she doesn't love me, she won't ever love me, and no matter how hard I try, I can't meet anybody else, even on those stupid shitty dates I've been on. I hate all those stupid couples I see, in nice loving relationships they don't deserve, it's not fair, that they can be loved, but I can't, I hate them so much! I don't care what you think of me, you don't know anything about me, all my life, I've had to struggle and fight, and I've had to do it on my own. I learned to love only myself, and to fight only for myself. I am so sick of seeing people happy, happiness they don't deserve, I mean, if I did nothing, yet still deserve to be miserable, why do they deserve to be happy? It's just, I don't even know what to do anymore, therapy didn't help at all, I can't get medication. I possibly have Borderline Personality Disorder, but my parents won't let me get evaluated for it. I'm so angry, I used to want to kill myself out of sadness, now it won't to do it out of spite. I want to end my life to spite that girl that broke my heart, so she could know that I was thinking about her when I took my own life. I'd even write a note, just so I could mention her, so she could know she made me do it. I don't even care how I felt about her, my feelings are irrelevant, originally I planned to minimize suffering when I took my life, but why bother?
I don't know what to do, every day I get more self-destructive thoughts, especially about her, always about her. Somebody, please help me.
Most Helpful Girl
Wow, I would say something but a strangers opinion doesn't matter and it is your business but I would just like to say one thing I was in the same situation as you kind of based on what you put above. I have a best friend since I was a baby and we turned into more we dated for like 4 years he was my first true love not until he did something really stupid and broke my heart but he never ever said sorry in fact he never even talked to me each time I looked at him he would just laugh and look away that truly broke me so I cut my self so deep I still have ugly scars one my parents found out they treated me like I was some kind of monster. Then I started getting bullied at school, then pushed around so much I wanted to kill myself and the same boy that caused this still laughed. The therapist didn't help at all. I even overdosed on pills. So I thought about it. I'm still really young only 14 I have a future. I thought that in the future i'll find someone else get married have kids ect. Even though I was sad I stayed strong, I was still in pain more people left me I thought I was alone. Then just when I was about to just say bye I thought about my cousin that killed himself, so many people came to his funeral. Even all the bullies that bullied him then I thought of myself in his place I was so scared. I decided to stay for a year and if I still hated my life then I would end it, I can tell you things started to turn up. I stood up to the bullies made them feel sorry for what they did for me, to my ex to g fuck himself and he was just begging me to forgive him, I made new friends, my parents told me that they still loved me, everything is awesome and I am fucking happy that I stayed I still have 80 more years to go! But you know i'm just a stranger , trying to help and you don't need to listen to me. but just think about it0