How to break it to my friend that I an dating a guy she's interested in?

She's been interested in him for three years now. We got together last May and we've been hiding it since. He told me it's time to tell her. She will not react well. I didn't want to date him at first for her sake, but I think he's the one. He actually asked me out New Years Eve but I said no for her. She's been hitting on him lately and leaving messages on his Facebook and texting him. It was his birthday yesterday and she left a "I love you Happy Birthday" type of message. So he told me today that enough was enough. If I don't tell her, he will.

No point in choosing most helpful when I really didn't get any answers. So I wish I would stop getting messages to choose most helpful for this.


Most Helpful Guy

  • First I want to address a couple of things. 1. You did not make fun of 30schicky. 2. I don't see anything wrong with you dating this guy. The only thing I think you did wrong was keeping it from her. If you're put in this situation again, next time it would be wise to just tell her from the start that he isn't interested in her. He likes you... you like him... Sure, she likes him, but he doesn't like her. So, I would say the best way to break it to her would be first to tell her that he's not interested in her. That he just flat out doesn't like her. This would be easier than to straight up telling her that you're dating him. You can get to that at a later date. There's really no easy way of telling her without hurting her feelings. So, be ready for her to go ballistic. Most of the pain she would feel will be the fact that he does not like her. She will take it out on you, but the pain and anger she shows you will mainly be from the fact that he just isn't interested in her. If she doesn't believe you that he doesn't like her... you can tell her that he told you himself. Maybe even have him leave you a message saying that he doesn't like her. (leaving out the part of you guys dating) This way, you can show her the message that he doesn't like her... Then once she starts to get over the pain of him not liking her and she's over it... then you can tell her that you started dating him.

    • Well she already knows he doesn't like her. She just wants him anyway. She's hoping to change him. She's resorted to stalking him, and to leaving "I love you" messages all over his Facebook wall, and she texts him all the time. Thanks for your opinion.

    • If that's the case. . . I'd be very careful of telling her that you guys are dating. It definitely needs to be done, but that's ridiculous.. and scary. I think it may be better for him to relay the news... Maybe not the dating part but the stalking part. Maybe he should warn her that if she continues he will press stalking and harassing charges against her. I don't really know exactly. Sorry, but your friend seems pretty damn crazy for doing that.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • When this happend to me in highschool, that Friday my buddy told me he like this girl who we both were friends with, my intentions toward her was only friendly, but that self same week end her and i ended up together, at school Monday i told him i was sorry and that it just happend with her being the aggresor, he said it was okay but i could tell it still hjrt him, but he still invited both of us over his house after school to hang out, like always, its best not to sneak around in any situation, i would rather know the truth then be lied to no matter how uncomfortable it may be.:)

  • If I were you, I'd pretend that you got together a couple of weeks ago.

  • Ultimatums aren't a healthy thing in a relationship


What Girls Said 2

  • This is kinda terrible. :/
    You don't ever take your friends, best friends, relatives, or any loved ones crush, ex, or boyfriend. That's just wrong. So wrong.
    I suggest you just tell her honestly. Tell her you guys are dating and how long you've been together. It's still terrible, for me, I'd never talk to you. That's a shitty friend move. Betrayal. But that's just me.
    Even if they weren't dating, that still is horrible. She liked him and you knew it. Shitty ass friend. I wouldn't consider you a friend after that. Friend isn't even the word for you anymore. So just tell her. It's a fucked as move on your behalf, and if she never speaks to you again, it's completely reasonable. I wouldn't wanna be friends with a person who betrays me either. That's some middle school, 13yr old, bullshit type of drama. You're too grown for that. But whatever. Just let her know.

    • Honestly, I don't see how it's middle school drama. We liked each other. Why should two people who connect well have to deny their feelings for each other for the sake of someone else? Are we supposed to go the rest of our lives not knowing? He never wanted her, and she's been stalking him apparently. He told me he saw her car in his parking Friday night, and I told him it was probably someone elses. I asked her about it, and she said she was waiting for him because he's ignoring her texts.

      You know, there was a similar question on here about this. Some girl was complaining because her sister stole her crush. Every single person jumped down her throat and told her to get over it. I think people on this site just choose to hate certain people no matter what.

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    • That's fine. But I wouldn't want a friend like you. Just being honest. So I consider that middle school, but different strokes for different folks. A lot of guys that my friends and even sisters liked had crushes on me. I tell them straight up, no because I have class and am not a bad friend. But these are just my values. Those guys automatically become Jabba the Hut and completely undesirable to me, regardless of how they look, how nice they are, etc.
      They said the same shit you said, people shouldn't deny their feelings blah blah blah.
      I'll tell you what I told them. "There's plenty of fish in the sea. So I'd rather take a fish that my friend/relative doesn't admire. I have some standards and class."
      But that's just me. Different values. How would you like if your friend did that to you? That's wrong to me. Idk. But that's just how I am. So as long as you're fine with it, then it's your life. Good luck.

    • Thank you.

      I'm not stalking you 30schicky. I've just been browsing this site today, and I've seen your answers. Here's a bit of advice: you can get your message across without all capital letters. People won't take you seriously, and they will assume you are trolling. That's why I said what I did. Obviously I don't know you. I can only go by what I've seen so far. You keep telling everybody to grow up because they are entitled and spoiled. To me; that's spamming because you are giving everybody the same answer.