Should thirty-somethings who are dating still wait to have sex?

I'm separated, and I'm planning to go back into the dating game soon. I was with my soon-to-be-ex-husband for years, so when it comes to dating and relationships, I feel like a newbie again.

I know people say that a woman should not put out too soon. My ex-husband and I were bf/gf for 4 months before we had sex. But I'm now in my 30s, and I'm planning to start dating men in their late 30s or early 40s. Does this "rule" still apply? As mature people, do we still have to go by these rules? Isn't one of the perks of dating in your 30s that you can no longer give a fuck and just do what you want to do as long as you both feel like it and no one gets hurt?

Or will you still be called "easy" and "slutty" and not be taken seriously if, say, you have sex after the first couple of dates?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Too many rules, too much thinking, let's simplify it in steps

    1. don't do anything you wouldn't want of the front page of the newspaper... if he's a keeper, you feel love (or at least overwhelming lust) then do it and you have a defense for those reading the newspaper and want to know why or what you are
    2. those that don't want to wait as long for sex as you... when it feels right, safe, going someplace... let them go with no fretting
    3. those that receive intimacy quickly and can't handle it, so become stand-offish & even call you names... you don't need their crowd and certainly not those in it now attracted to you for illicit reasons
    4. being yourself always insures a good fit for life hereafter; being someone else insure defeat in that pursuit... that's what dating is to me... a fun time but also a means to an end - the happy ever after... and yes, I found it... being me

    • Thanks, this is mostly how I view dating as well. But sometimes, I'm like, maybe I should follow the "rules" because maybe my instinct is wrong?

    • Wrong instincts we all possess - it's how we learn to make good decisions. Just weigh the pros & cons to be your rudder

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What Guys Said 2

  • I would still want to be comfortable in a new relationship and also want to get to know her a little before having sex. I would guess minimum about 3 weeks or so of dating before having sex.

    • Sounds like a reasonable amount of time.

  • Loose is loose. I've dated plenty of women in their thirty's that didn't give it up to fast but also some that did. So it's whatever you want to be. If you want sex then go get it. If you want a meaningful relationship then sleeping around won't do it.


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