Would you ever ask someone who rejected you why he/she rejected you? Would you ever tell someone why you rejected him/her?

A blog I was reading just now advised people, well it advised men as it was written by a woman but it could apply to both genders equally, to ask the people who have rejected you why they rejected you and see if you can improve yourself. I found this a bit surprising because I would generally be uncomfortable to tell a woman why I rejected her if it's something that she can't change. I can't really see myself asking the women who rejected me why they did because I don't want to make things more awkward than they already are. However, maybe that's just me.

So my questions are:
Have you ever asked someone why he/she rejected you?
Would you ever tell someone why you are rejecting him/her?
Why would you ask someone why he/she rejected you?
Why would you tell someone why you rejected him/her?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Have you ever asked someone why he/she rejected you? Nope.

    Would you ever tell someone why you are rejecting him/her? No, not of my own volition.

    Why would you ask someone why he/she rejected you? Haha no, it doesn't matter.

    Why would you tell someone why you rejected him/her? I honestly don't think I would, even if a woman asked. I think that for the most part people know if they've done something specific that caused the rejecting anyways.

    • Thank you for sounding off, DodgersGM. I think we are the minority.

    • No problem, great question. :-)

      I'm surprised that so many people would share the reasoning, or that so many people would want to know.

    • Thank you, sir.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 10

  • 1. Yes
    2. Yes
    3. As the article says... I want to know the truth. If you weren't attracted to me physically then yes, say so because I'd love to know that it wasn't something else like my behavior. Maybe i was too clingy.. maybe I came across as needy.. for that sake I'd want to know so that I can avoid doing that in the future.
    4. Yes I would. As I said, I want truth and I will tell someone else the truth too. There's a nice way to say something and I'd always tell a guy that I simply wasn't feeling it. There's no need to make it harsh. You can just say it straight but with some tact and classiness. So instead of saying "I find you ugly" you say I wasn't attracted to you in a romantic way which is also the truth because appearance is a part of attraction.

    • Thanks for sounding off. I see what you're saying. Does it ever make you uncomfortable to have to tell a guy, "I wasn't attracted to you in a romantic way?"

      Respectfully, I do tend to think that saying "I simply wasn't feeling it," and "I wasn't attracted to you in a romantic way," are so vague as to not be very helpful. What could be learned from hearing that?

    • Yes, it's definitely not a good feeling but the last time I did that, I could tell the guy was grateful for me telling the truth and he told me he appreciates my honesty and for not leading him on or just leaving it. Personally I if a guy tells me he wasn't feeling it, it's enough for me. Why? Well because it's the truth. Many times you meet great people but you really just don't have romantic feelings for them. It's not cause of something they did or said or their personality even. It's just that the chemistry was missing. I completely understand that so if someone says that to me, it would be helpful and at least I'd know it wasn't something I did.

  • i wouldn't bc if a guy rejects me its gonna be due to something that I can't or am not willing to change, like my physical looks. In that case, its better he reject me than settle for me if im not his preference, or me go through the stress and agony of trying to change myself to suit him. if he didn't like me, someone else will

    I would tell someone why I rejected them if they asked. but normally I don't do that, I just say no

  • Yes I have asked because I was rejected one time. I was really disappointed and sad that he didn't want what I wanted which was an exclusive relationship. Never happened to me before, so I was beyond bummed. Sometimes I do tell the guy but like you said I don't tell them if it's something they can't change or would cause them to be self conscious. There are times where they get nasty about it though no matter how nice I've tried to be, then they're gonna hear that they were a bad kisser or more boring than watching paint dry.

    • Out of curiosity, if a guy asked you why you rejected him and it was due to something that he couldn't change, how would you answer?

    • I would just tell him I'm not attracted to him romantically.

  • I would tell him why i rejected him if he asked me.. I wouldn't want to stamp on his heart anymore, aslong as his asked me to tell him why, thats my green light to go ahead apart from that, no not really..
    if i got rejected i would want to know why, i would regret not asking why in the first place and i won't be out of my head till i knew

    • Hmm. I'm out of touch, it would seem. This is more common than I ever thought.

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    • Yes, I would. However, I would not want to make that person any more uncomfortable than they already are. I hate rejecting people. I can't imagine telling someone, "Well, I rejected you because I find you physically unattractive."

    • Yes your right.. Its always hard to tell someone that, its never easy.. Just see it this way.. If you dont tell them earlier, you won't lead them on

  • I have not
    I would if they asked but I'd probably sugar coat it
    I would not
    Because if they're upset about it enough to ask I can humor them by giving them some candy coated bullshit that gives them closure

    • Would you consider telling him the actual truth if you thought it would help?

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    • Um, other than my ex only a few stick out to me really. It usually happens after they are persistent enough and I get snippy so they ask why.

    • Hmm. Maybe it's more common than I thought. thanks for sharing.

  • Actually, I don't waste my time asking why guys have rejected me. Since I was 13 years old, 16 guys have rejected me, led me on, cheated on me, or used me for sex and I am almost 30. They don't tell me reasons why they rejected me, but I later find out from other people why they rejected me:

    #1 Reason: I have Asperger's Syndrome (which to them means I am mentally retarded even though I can talk perfectly fine, have tons of friends and very social)

    #2: My looks: I am a big girl and I do have some masculine features due to an infertility condition that I have. Most men don't want that.

    #3: I am "too innocent": even though I have plenty of experience in the bedroom, apparently I am not "kinky" enough for them.

    So, I just move on and don't speak to the men who have rejected me because I will just get any of or all of the reasons I have heard before.

  • Fuck that for a bag of chips, move on and get or it, why dwell on why hat person wasn't 'into' you, it's self defeating enough to be rejected.

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    • Not interested

    • I think the blogger was suggesting asking so you could get an overall feel for what might be making you unattractive to the opposite sex, not just the person rejecting you.

  • If I was rejected I would want to know why. It would give me a sense of closure. Even though it hurts to hear your flaws. If a guy asked me why I rejected him it would probably be awkward but I think it's important to know what the problem may otherwise it could be what's holding the other person back. I would be gentle though because I don't like hurting people.
    I have never asked anyone why they rejected me because I never had the guts but I would like to.

    • I see. I think this is more common than I thought.

    • If you have been rejected. I would suggest you ask so you can move on.

    • The blogger was suggesting that people ask why they were rejected so that they might improve themselves. I see that's a good point, but it's just awkward I think.

  • Why wouldn't I ask? It's like reading a suspense murder novel and not knowing who did it.

    • An interesting perspective. What is your favorite piece by Chopin? Are you, or do you intend to be, a professional musician?

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    • Yayy~ I'm looking forward to it!

    • @Korilakkuma, let me know, too. You are indeed fortunate to be in a high school with an orchestra.

  • Just move on you dont want to come off as desperate =)

    • I believe the blogger suggested that people ask why they are being rejected so that people will have a chance to try to improve themselves.

What Guys Said 5

  • Yep!
    That's what I do when I was declined a job , ask the employer how can I improve myself so I'll be more employable in his eyes.

    Maybe a bit awkward doing that in a relationship but why not?
    I'm already in pain , let's get the most out of it.

    Self-improvement eh?

    1st thing 1st tho.
    You must tell her , you won't pursue her any more but you're asking as a friend (assuming you are still friends unless you went into the creep zone)

    • I see what you're saying, Illusive_Man, but the difference is that I can't imagine an employer being embarrassed or feeling awkward at telling you why you were declined for a job (though I could conceivably imagine they might fear a law suit if they aren't careful). I could imagine that asking a woman who has rejected you why she did so would put her in an awkward and uncomfortable place, even if you promise you're not going to pursue her any more.

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    • oh come on , you already know her for a bit if you're into her she DEFINITELY gonna notice the little things , she's probably dreading the moment you ask anyway lol
      You can always jokingly slide in and ask after the rejection.

      "Ok , ok , I'm stowing away my balls.
      Hey , just asking. If you feel uncomfortable about it , it's alright but what do you think it's missing from me? Breach secured , brace position , shoot me."

    • Well, I suppose the way you just phrased it would go a long way to alleviate the awkwardness in some circumstances.

  • I would not ask. There are often small things that people reject you for that can't be altered. Why would you want to change yourself unless there were cosmetic reasons?
    Maybe their views are relevant to them, but not necessarily relevant to me.
    Try to be a nice person and that is all you can do in this life. You can't please everyone.

    • Interesting. Thanks for sharing, syd48

    • I think the difference here is that women seem to want validation. The answers from the men suggest they are more comfortable with themselves.

  • Have you ever asked someone why he/she rejected you? -- No I haven't, i'm not interested in their reason (s) for turning me down.

    Would you ever tell someone why you are rejecting him/her? -- Yes as I am rejecting them.

    Why would you ask someone why he/she rejected you? - I wouldn't ask them.

    Why would you tell someone why you rejected him/her? -- To give them closure and a chance to move on and find someone who wants them.

    • Interesting about telling the woman as you are rejecting them. In many cases that probably would be a good idea.

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    • I just say I do not the feel the same way.

    • Got it. Thanks for stopping by.

  • Part of me would want to know why but the other part of me thinks he knows and doesn't want to hear it.

  • nah thats the cut off point

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