What would you do?

okk so my parents know that I have a boyfriend.we have been together for quite some time now. we love each other a lot words really can't explain it, but the thing is I'm 18 and I think I should be able to hang out with my boyfriend whenever I want to but my parents doesn't let me go anywhere with him. I have been seeing him once a week for as long as we've been together and my mom had met him and everything but she still doesn't want me to go anywhere with him, it's like she doesn't want me to have a boyfriend and she wants me to stop seeing him.so I'm thinking to just go see my boyfriend whenever we have time, because he mostly works weekdays and he takes time off to spend time with me..so basically I just want to walk out and go spend time with him but I will come back home the usualy time my mom would want me to.

i hope you guys understand my situation..

what would you do if you was in my situation?

would you just leave and go hang out with your boyfriend/girlfriend and then come back home at the usual time?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You are in a slave and owner situation. As long as you are willing to let them, they own you. They make the rules, you follow them. The thing is that is now illegal. You are 18, a legal adult. You do not have to pay the slightest attention to their rules. You are free to do as you like. The thing is, so are they. If you are too lazy to get a job and support yourself, you have to find a guy willing to support you or you have to let the parents support you and be subject too what ever abuse they choose to dish out when you ignore their rules.

    You must simply assert your rights. Tell your parents, instead of asking when you are wanting something to be different. If they are unwilling to accommodate your wishes, you will just have to be a big girl and get out of that house.

    They have a valid point. If you can't even stand up too your parents it is good evidence that you are not emotionally prepared to stand up to adult decisions. So make up your mind when you done being a little girl and start behaving like an adult woman.

    • Ok, but some people say that once you're still living with your parents you still have to listen to them and obey their rules, even if they don't want you to go anywhere, so what do I do other than just talk to them? What if I have talked to them before but they still don't want me to go anywhere, not even with my boyfriend?

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    • My mistake, I just reread that more thoroughly and saw he basically said the same thing. sorry!!!

    • @itzzxhypnotik, I don't like the dictatorial reasoning behind "As long as you're under their roof, you have to listen to them. until you are on your own with a place to live, food to eat, transportation, etc. you need to listen to them." Parents have a duty concerning food and shelter for their kids but they also have a duty to learn them independence. When my son reached 18 whe rented him a studio in the town where his university is, 30mi from home, he got a (10 year old) car & an allowance.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Okay, listen. You're 18 now, and legally an adult. You need to sit down with your parents (maybe one-on-one so they can't team up on you) and explain to them that you would like more freedom.

    At 18, you can vote in elections, in some places you can drink, and you are fully responsible for signing legal documents yourself. You need to explain this to your parents, and that if you can be responsible for the fate of your country, not getting smashed and filling out official paperwork, you are definitely responsible enough to hang out with your boyfriend.

    If they don't buy it, ask your mom straight-up, "You've met him, why can't I hang out with my boyfriend?". See what she has to say and debate her on that point. If she says that she doesn't know if she can trust him (a common one for parents to use), tell her that she needs to get to know him, and how great he makes you feel. Maybe tell her to give him the chance to prove himself to her... invite him over for dinner or something so that your parents can get to know him well. See how this works out.

    Don't just run off to hang out with your boyfriend though. That'll completely shatter the little trust your parents seem to have in you. Explain to him that you can't hang out because of your parents, but how strongly you feel for him and that you need to keep in communication as you work this out. Ask him for help in solving it. Get him to find ways to help prove his trustworthiness to your parents.

    Best of luck to you. I know it's tough, but just work through it.

    • I have asked her multiple times why doesn't she want me to hang out with him and that she's met him a few times already, I've also asked her if there's a problem with me and him being together and she said no but I don't know. Also I told him about this whole thing and he understands he doesn't want me to do anything to hurt my parents and I would never intentionally hurt them. He's been trying to conversate with my mom a few times but I don't think she wants to really get to know him.

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    • I have asked her the same exact question but she just ignores it.

    • That's immature of her. Call her out on it. Get her to justify why you can't see him. Maybe give her an ultimatum if you have to. "If you can't give me a logical reason why mom, then I'm just going to see him. Plain and simple".

  • I don't advise lying to your parents whatever you decide to do. Remember they are usually right but that doesn't mean they can really stop you from having a boyfriend. Just tell them you need to spend time with him and let them know what you plan to do. But you do have to get out of the house and do things on your own eventually. They have to trust you, I don't know your history however is it trustable lol

  • You're 18+, you reached majority and your parents should understand you're adult now.

    Of course, if they have to face that their little girl is adult now, they will feel old, which may hurt them.

    Time to gain your independence.

    If they don't give you your liberty, you'll have to take it.

    I had to do that, my wife had to do that. (we both had to "fight" for it: she was the only child, I was the oldest son) After I obtained it by fighting and cunning my brothers got it granted without even asking for it.

    If you can do it without drama, so much the better. Let them get the habit that you aren't home at a certain hour. Then that you aren't home on Saturdays. Then on weekends. Even that some week nights you don't sleep at home, all without asking permission first. Just because you decided so. Better to gain all that bit by bit slowly, salami tactics, than revolting with great noise and fury.

    Don't expect it to be easy and quickly done.

    • I have talked to them before, calmly, but they still chose to not let me go anywhere, not even with my boyfriend.

    • That's what I understood from your text and that's why I wrote in essence that it's time to come up for yourself in a calm way. Since your parents don't listen to your arguments, you just have to gain your independence gradually, taking a bit at a time. Not by revolting, getting in an open war, not even discussing and getting into a fight, just taking a little bit more liberty every month. That way your parents can get the habit of seeing you as an adult an expect you to behave like an adult.

    • Of course, I reason from the principle that your friend (or you) are not into drugs, alcohol, trouble with the law or any other problem which would prouve you're not as adult as written on your birth certificate and that you parents' objections don't have a serious base. I can't judge about that from here. (how old is your friend? What does he do in life?

What Girls Said 4

  • You should speak to your mom and let her know that you are mature enough to do what you want to do. Tell her she has nothing to worry about and that you won't do anything stupid. And then maybe you guys can reach a compromise--you might not get to see him whenever you want, but maybe more often than you get to see him now. If you're still living in your parents' house and are financially dependent on them, you still have to follow their rules; don't just break these rules on your own, because they will find out and you will lose their trust.

    • Yeah I know that and I have been listening to them and helping around the house,etc. I've even talked to them and told them that I will not be doing anything stupid.even if it's going to the mall I can't go with my boyfriend. I've tried so many times to tell them that they shouldn't worry about anything,etc. but they still say a straight no whenever I ask them to hang out with my boyfriend or even my friends.

    • "whenever I ask them to..."

      Thats an error. Don't ask, Just say that you'll be hanging out. (Or don't sayanything and do it)

  • i know I'm not a guy but hey lol your 18 years old you should have a life of your own and your parents should let you live your life even though they are only wanting the best for you and to stand by you but sum times its best to learn by your mistakes and go for your gut instinct xx

  • I think you should try to get a job and move out you are considered grown you should be able to do what you want but your mom is doing that because you still live with her so show her you are a adult.

  • I AM in Your Situation lol

    i can't go to my boyfriend house

    i can't go many places with my bf

    when my mom found out I was dating, she didn't like the idea a first

    she thinks he just wanna have sex with me and leave me ( I'm a virgin, so I ain't having sex with him no time soon, we only been dating almost 3 months, but we do love each other [: he said it first lol)

    she won't let me get in his car

    I want to just walk out the door and go be with him, but its hard for me to disobey my mama, I feel way bad, but I gotta live my life, so I said when I turn 19 ( in January), I'm going to do what I want and go to my boyfriend 's house to lol but I would call her when I go places letting her know I am okay >.<

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