Did I smother her too much when I should have taken things slower?

I reconnected with a woman from my past who was a great friend when were young. We got together and seemed to have a great chemistry, flirting, talking all the time, meeting after work and I told her that I was falling for her. All of sudden things changed, no more pet names, flirting, getting together one-on-one, texting all the time. She showed so much interest and her non verbal language really showed that she liked me. But after I told her how I felt for her she backed off, I asked her if I was pushing her away and she said no, I tuned down on sharing my feelings. She would and still respond to my texts but if I text anything that has to do with romance she stays silent. She used to share her feelings and the “I wish that it was true” but now nothing. She upset me on night when we were with friends by completely ignoring me. Two days later I told her that she upset me and she replied That she was sorry for making me feel that way. When I was away she called me to check on me but now that I’m back she started to ignore me again. She told me that she hid herself because I shared my feelings. I asked her straight forward if she liked me and if we would have any else then a friendship and she did not respond. She did not like the pressuring question. She hasn’t completely cut me off but will not engage like she used to. Also she had a really bad relationship and other negative experiences. She has told me several times that she’s scared. Even her daughter told her that we should be together and asked her if should stay scared forever. Did I showed her that I wanted her too much? she got mad a t me a couple of times for pretty much no reason too.. What should I do?

Yesterday she called me but I did not answer right away.. I called her back but she did not answer.. Still nothing


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What Girls Said 1

  • I don't think you smothered her. You were just saying how you feel. You say she's scared and has had bad experiences so you may just need to take it slow with her. If she's special enough (and it sounds like she is), take time to build a relationship with her strictly as her friend. Be supportive, caring, and more importantly, build trust with her. When she can see that she really can trust you, I think she'll be ready to go to the next step. She just doesn't seem like she's ready for anything serious right now. I had a bad breakup about a year ago and dated some really great guys afterward but after what I had just been through, I was not interested in being in a relationship again. I was still trying to recover. I ended up falling for someone who had invested time in me, pursued me and who I really trusted. I don't think it's too late for you to build that friendship. When she is comfortable and has let her guard down with you, you'll know it.

    • Hi GirlyGurl1, she's indeed very special to me and I just don't want to lose her like this. She does not express herself very well but likes how I express myself. The first month went great, really great, but I guess once she started to develop feelings towards me she got scared. She has never had anybody like me in her life and she once told me how happy she was for having me in her life. She also told me that if were to get together and things didn't work out it would ruin our friendship. She had really bad relationships. She seems to be in auto preservation mode. I don't think she just stopped liking me. She still responds to my texts, although not all of them, and yesterday tried to call me. I'm giving her space but since I haven't done anything bad or broke up with her I don't think I need to stop talking to her for a whole month. I'm letting her breath but still letting her know that I'm here. I'm hoping patience will bring her back.

    • I'm also afraid to get to friendly and get stuck in the "friends zone"

    • Don't be afraid to be in the friend zone. Being friends first is an awesome foundation for a relationship. I had a guy who I liked as a friend and we became really good friends for about 5 or 6 months. He flirted here and there but never crossed the boundaries of just being my friend. We eventually started dating.

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