Do I end things to save a friendship?

An ex and I reconnected about six months after ending things. Then three months ago things became more… shall we say intimate? It started off TOTALLY casual and I was actively dating other people.

The problem is, we got to be good friends. I can talk to him about ANYTHING and he's who I tend to turn to when I need advice. I noticed he would make little comments - never rudely - about me dating. It was always a joke. "Sorry, can't see you thursday, how about Friday?", "Oh, do you have a date?"

I admitted to him recently that while I was incredibly happy with him, and I was fine with our current arrangement, I still did have feelings for him and I was only continuing to date (not sleep, just date) other people because I was under the impression he wanted to keep things strictly casual. He said "casual is fine and if anything changes for either of us I am sure we will have that conversation." He then told me he wasn't sleeping with anyone else, either. I said I was open to the conversation when he was ready to have it, but until then I was happy with how things were progressing but was still keeping my options open.

I'm starting to realize, though, that things HAVE changed for me. But he's such an amazing friend and confident, that I'm nervous I'll hurt our friendship because I want more than he may be ready for. And I don't want to pressure him. I'm unclear if he is saying he wants to just let things happen naturally and that he's ALSO open to more, just maybe not yet... or am I wrong?

Normally I would turn to him for advice like this, but I am reluctant because that would just put pressure on him. Do I stop seeing him to save the friendship? Do I let things happen? If one person is ready for "more" and the other isn't, is that an automatic sign that it's not going to happen? I'm keeping my options open, dating other people, I just… don't want to. But, I also don't want to lose his friendship.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Many times over I have always found with an "EX," that X Marks their hearts which comes After the Break Up, a Make Up Session as well. And of course 'Many times' things lead Back to the lovin' and with it, a close knit unity even better than before. They become best buds, nursing and nurturing where they left off, and with this becomes a special bond that Anyone would be afraid for the bough to break.
    Go slow for now, don't say anything at the moment. If he hasn't been Hinting any Helpful Hints about reuniting, Not even telling you there has been a change in plans--------Casual is fine and if anything changes for either of us I am sure we will have that conversation. Along with his words of wisdom, he seems Not fit to be tied that you are 'Dating,' although Not Mating, and no signs of a jealousy streak in sight.
    It seems you are in between a rock and a hard place, but it could lead to hard ball should you have 'That conversation.' I agree with you. So I do believe that being everything is so beautifully comfy and cushy at the moment, don't rush it, just let it go smooth sailing, and when or if you should pick up any sure tell signs of him and you being hooked at the hip again, Jump right in and together make the fireworks blast off.
    What you both have is the beginning of a new relationship. The first one failed, but a Second one And Chance has been given to you. It's called Friendship. And being friends right now, has given you both a new opportunity to make sure this time that everything goes down even better than before, and I am quite sure, he is even on his guard some, not wearing his heart on his sleeve, so if anything would go sour with his sweet, his heart won't end up being ripped off again.
    I cannot guarantee how long it would take, so continue what you're doing, and even giving him One of your Smart secret signs by laying low awhile on the date scene. He just may take notice and This in itself Could come to-----That conversation...
    Good luck. xx


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • How about we just try being honest and open with what we want and how we feel?

    Sit him and either show him this post or tell him what you've posted here and see what happens. There's a 50% chance he wants the same thing you do. If you don't ask, you won't get.

    That said given he's your ex, I can't see relationship lasting, you'll end up splitting up again, but if he's the man you want then tell him how you feel.


What Girls Said 1

  • You should start out by saying to him that you want to stop seeing other people. And that your becoming more interested in him. See if maybe his feelings have progressed and make sure you tell him if he isn't ready and wants to stay friends that you are going to see other people an just be friends. It sounds like he wants to see where things are going to go but slowly. And you seem ready now. Tell him how you feel and if he isn't on the same boat going in the same direction make it known your going to row yourself down a different stream then