First date was good until it went too far... what now?

So I just moved cross-country to a new city. I have recently started using a dating website for the first time to meet new guys and, well, date. I have gone on a couple of dates but nothing really was connecting with them. A guy then contacted me and we talked a lot for about two weeks. We then hung out for dinner and beer at my place. We clicked really well and were laughing and talking non-stop. One thing lead to another and we made out. That then lead to my bedroom and him asking how far I wanted to go. I drunkly answered all of the way, but he ended up just fingering me and I going down on him. As soon as we were done he left because he had to get up early in the morning for work. He seemed to rush out of the place but he said several times it was a good night and he wanted to see me again.

The next day I texted him to see how he was and he was short But he also started training at a new job. Later on I asked if he wanted to hang out again soon but he said he had a lot going on at the start of the week, but maybe. He added that the end of the week is better. So, I asked if he wanted to see each other later on in the week. He said he wanted to but may be too busy then as well. I haven't said anything more since. But I feel like I am getting mixed signals: he is short in texts now but when I ask to see each other again he says things like "hopefully soon". He does not start the text conversation either.

I know there is a double standard with women being "too easy" as a turn off to men. While it takes two, thus making him easy as well. This was also abnormal behavior with me, I never move this fast. So I am not sure if I "messed things up", if he is truly busy, or if he found someone he liked more.

I am unsure what to do in this situation. Should I contact him about what happened, or just wait for him to contact me, or just move on?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You weren't too easy, no way. If a guy is turned off by that ending of the night, then he is a major asshole, and you should be glad to not have him contact you again.

    It is clearly mixed signals, and it's really hard to tell from here what the disconnect is on his side. A guy can get pretty busy, for sure, but a guy WILL make time for something if it is important enough to him. Even if it is just 'come downtown and meet me for coffee' or something.

    It is most likely, I think, that him being 'too busy' is him going on other dates from the dating site. The 'hopefully soon' is possibly double-talk for 'I have a couple of other dates lined up. If all of the flame out, or if someone else bails, you're next in line!'

    If you have been contacting him on and off for two weeks, then drop it. He's done. If it's been one week, then chalk it up to a busy week and try, once, to set something up for the following week. But no guy, no matter how busy work becomes, is going to be unable to find time to see a girl he is really into for two Friday nights, two Saturdays and two Sundays in a row.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Move on, you've given enough hints to show him you're interested. No way he is that busy on a weekend, They sound like excuses to me.


What Girls Said 2

  • I honestly think you've tried enough at this point and that it's his turn to return the interest. But as for him being busy all the time, I kinda call bullshit. Like another guy said here, if you care about someone enough you will make the time for them, as I'm doing so currently for this guy in my life. I don't think you were "too easy", but if he does have that kind of mentality, he'd definitely not the "one"

  • it's up to you what you want to do and don't blame the guy for having double standards. You were easy - nothing will change that.

    • That isn't okay... He was just as easy as I was. So yes, it is a double standard. It is not okay for a guy to seek sex then judge when a women gives it. I am unsure if HE had a double standard, hints the situation I am in, because if he does then I want nothing to do with him.