There's a guy that I like and I don't want to accidentally go after him if somebody already likes him. How do I find out if anyone likes him already?

I'm in 8th grade. He's cute, but all of my FRIENDS don't like him. He's on the football team and I'm really shy and I don't like making others upset or angry and I don't want to go after a guy that already likes somebody or somebody already likes him. You know? Advice please!!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Actually asking someone might clue your guy that you are interested in him because, you know, little facts like that get around, so you must make your own decision and draw your own conclusions about that. You might know the importance of eye contact and smiles, yes those are actual things that will make anyone feel friendly toward you and find you interesting. Make the friendly smile with lips closed and cheeks slightly pulled back while you make eye contact 1 to 3 seconds. If he holds the eye contact and smiles back, it indicates that you might appeal to him. From this point, try standing or sitting as closely to him as you may when possible. Continue to make brief eye contact, look down (at his neck or chest maybe), then back at him; if he is still looking at you of course that is a plus for you. Practice this smile in the mirror so it looks natural and not phony, it's an easy one to make.

    You are shy, but at some point you will have to actually make conversation. Limit what you reveal about yourself in the beginning. Don't just start babbling, either, or you might say something you regret. Your scope of conversational subjects should be limited to things that might interest him and on which he might be able to comment. Once you've got him talking, keep him talking about himself by nodding, saying, umm, oohh, wow, and so forth. Try to avoid direct questions, but make statements on which he may comment about himself. Avoid complaining or criticizing anything, avoid saying no, say uhhhh, unh unh instead.

    Finally, don't worry whether he already has a girlfriend. If he avoids exchanging smiles and eye contact, it probably means he does not find himself free at the moment--but that does not mean the future will not change, so if you wish you may remain in his periphery with your smiles and eye contact. He will at least, no doubt, want to engage in conversation this girl with the friendly smile he often catches gazing at him.

    • Thank you so much for this! So I basically give friendly gestures and eventually start talking to him? Is there any BIG things that I need to avoid, other than seeming like a creeper/stalker? And also, sorry, but how do I avoid seeming creepy or stalkerish?

    • Good questions. When smiling and making eye contact, avoid the fixed gaze by looking away just a bit at the moment he returns eye contact, then return your gaze to his to see if he is still looking, which means he is probably interested. Don't give a big toothy grin which might look foolish and intimidate him. The key word is subtlety, just a shade of suggestiveness.

      Now what I'm saying here is just standard techniques of applied psychology which you can use as a guide, not a rule book of by-the-numbers steps. Search "operant conditioning" and read a bit about that. You may have to practice a bit to learn and develop your own techniques as you improve your social skills. Your goal is the prediction and control of others' behavior, and you probably have more power to that end than you realize in controlling your social environment.

    • Let me add a couple of things. When you are establishing the initial eye contact you want to appear that you are just casually glancing around and not singling him out. In a crowd try to stay within his field of vision, preferably facing him. If you want to be noticed in a common area, sit facing the entrance so that all who come in will notice you as they gaze about on entering. Try to wear just enough red, pink, or orange to catch the eye (notice those brightly colored vests the highway workers wear.

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What Guys Said 1

  • You should ask him if he likes anyone.


What Girls Said 1

  • Sweety you can't worry about people who aren't brave enough to go after what they want when you are... There is always going to be somebody who likes the person you're seeing and you can't let it get to you... Do you really want to go out with someone no one likes? If someone else likes him too bad you got up the courage to admit it and until they do the same they aren't your competition ;)

    Any other advice you need?

    • Thanks! And how do I approach him? And when I talked to my friend who is also his friend, she said that she didn't hink anybody had a crush on him. He seems to have a good amount of friends and i really think I might have ashot with him... if I can ever brave up enough to try getting closer to him...

    • Just start by saying hi and ask him questions to get him talking (then he does all the work) just remember the worst thing that can happen if you approach him is that he rejects you and sure it'll hurt for a bit, but you can move on to someone who deserves you love. If you don't approach him at all the worst case is you painfully pine after him for years and even though he likes you, he thinks you don't like him and he ends up with someone else and you have to live the rest of you life wondering what if?

      A no may seem more painful, but it is better than endless pining. Trust me, I have been there on all accounts. I loved someone for years who cared for me in return but the fear of saying it out loud eventually killed it all. I keep his picture on my wall to remind myself not to let that happen again. After that was over I approached a man I liked and he rejected me and I have no ill feelings about that at all it was painful for an hour maybe and then I went on living :)

    • Thanks!! :)