Am I ready? friends with benefits vs relationship... finding the right woman?

I've been feeling a bit depressed l8ly. im 27 and i have been in 3 relationships with 2 different women... the first lasted a year and was in high school the 2nd was with the same girl and we started talking again online about 5 years l8er and lasted 3 years and my last was 8 months about 3 months ago we met because of my ex setting my up with her... i enjoy having a woman in my life but its more because i dont like being alone and going out in public isn't much my thing... i want to have kids and im about to approach the point where kids isn't viable anymore... i dont have friends my age or know peopel with similar interests... i have profiles on 3 different dating sites and chat activly in 2 other chat rooms... people have told me bars/librarys/parks are good places to meet people but as i said im not really social enough to go out and just talk to strangers... and i dont drink nor do i wanna pick up a woman at a bar -.-... I know what I want in a relationship. I want a strong willed woman not afraid to tell me what she likes and wants, who's a hard worker, faithful, and devoted. A woman who loves to receive and return affection.

so i know what i want and im ready to work for it and give 100% to my SO... my questions are am i ready for being with someone... considering my history would friends with benefits be a better approach than a relationship for me... and how would i go about finding the right woman or even start looking...

i prefer to think a relationship is going somewhere rather than simply for friendship and comfort... but at the same time friends with benefits is much less complex and free than a relationship
not only this but friends with benefits can lead to something more if we choose to and with the freedom i can get my life more situated while not being alone...


Most Helpful Girl

  • A strong willed woman who is a hard worker, faithful, and devoted is an independent woman who may not be so good at receiving or expressing love - which doesn't mean she can't, but it will maybe take some time to come up naturally. Just saying it may be hard to recognize this woman sometimes.

    Anyway, you sound more like the relationship type of guy. You said it yourself, you're ready for it 100%. Don't waste your time and effort with things you don't really want.

    • but being alone destroys a person mentally... i would rather a close friend/fwb right now than a relationship what 5-10 years form now... and my expectations are pretty relaxed even finding 2 or 3 of them qualities in a single womans amazing... and I've said many times who really knows what they want until they experience it... what they want may not be what they neeed and what they need might not be what their looking for... being involved more with women specially considering I've had only 3 relationships will help me find what i need/want in a woman and a relationship... besides... im tired of being alone and i have no interests in large groups throw 1 or 2 good friends and ide be the happiest man in the world XD

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    • well friends with benefits is made clear at opening that door what is expected and what will happen... it prob dont work out that well irl but it may help me find some1 or else it maybe that some1 i want but i def see that u dislike the idea... i can understand y if it wasn't for 5 years of relationships with nothing to show ide be against the idea outright as the only sex I've had has always been in a relationship... all i really want is a god damn pillow and a friend LOL

      as for dating multiple people at once i dont do that or at least i haven't yet... i would if the opportunity arose... dating multiple people at once can really speed up the process of finding the 1 u want and give more choices... however ide let all women involved this is what i intend to do and get their opinions on it.. . odds are if the first 1 dont like it then i wouldn't if the 2nd did well damn thats a pickle decide if the first is working out if so sry its unfair but that is just life...

    • and what ide say is im in an open relationship with x different women currently and trying to find the right 1 for me but intend to go 1 direction as soon as im sure your my kinda girl :)... no sex involved in the dating process until relationship starts is gonna stay the same no matter what so thats not a problem

      all i know is im tired of being alone... no friend family or anything... its time to find some1 that actually cares about me and i can care about in return... i admit im making hasty decisions due to being alone but im not going against my principals just changing my preferences for going about dating...

      i dont get along with men so women are my only option... or children i get along with children 2 well XP

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What Girls Said 1

  • friends with benefits is not the way to go. I wouldn't even try it. The only way it works is if the friendship is established and the benefits come way later.
    As far as being ready goes, you are ready to have a serious relationship when you WANT it, not NEED it. If you are desperately searching for this unicorn of a woman, chances are she'll see you coming a mile away, and run. No one wants a clingy, needy person. So you can't need this relationship to make you whole. You need to be whole before you enter it.
    And bars are terrible places to meet quality people. It's completely chance to meet a decent person at a bar.
    If you are as quiet as you say you are, maybe a library or bookstore (if you like to read/and are decently well read).
    Into gaming? Try a game shop. Conventions are also a great place to meet people. My coworker married her boyfriend who she met at an anime convention.
    Like a sport, go to games with a buddy.
    Do what you love and you will meet someone who likes to do that too.
    But no matter what way you look at it, you will probably have to come out of your shell and talk a little bit.

    • damn... well i app the help... this shells pretty well fortified it will take a while to bring down... i did get a few good ideas from that though

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