I can literally have any girl I want. And yet I always get dumped?

I'm 23. Girls love me. Lots of guys think, "you're so lucky, why would you complain about that?" The girls I work with that I want to be friends with have crushes on me, their moms have crushes on me. I can't have friends that are girls with out them expressing their love to me at some point. When I was younger I thought it was great but I hate it now. And here's why.

Everyone tells me I can have any girl I want! I'm respectful, polite, always kind and caring, know what to say when and how. I always hold the door open, always pick her up, always show up 5 minutes early. And ALWAYS treat her like a princess. Every mom wants their daughter with me...

Because of all that I've been accused of being a player and leading girls on. I never do that and try so hard to tell girls I'm not interested in that way. I really only want one girl in my life. I don't want to date them all and have sex with all of them, not even slightly. I just want one girl I can call my own. And when I find a girl, I always fall in love... cause I'm just caring like that. With the last girl it lasted for 5 years. All the other girls that liked me at the time were asking how did she get him because they thought I was out of her league. Because she wasn't pretty enough or something. I thought that was rude and stuck up, and besides... I loved her. She's the one that made me not know what to say. I wanted to marry her. Her and her whole family because I loved them all more than I thought I could.
... but like the others she broke up with me. With no real explanation.

Here I am, supposedly mr. incredible, and I always get dumped by these girls. They all say I'm so great, when they break up they always tell me never to change or turn into a douche bag. And they leave.

I know what kind of answers I'll get, "just wait for the right one." This last girl was the right one. I have a million girls to choose from; but the one I want more than anything is the only one I can't have. Why?


Most Helpful Girl

  • To add up to what I said below, sometimes it's more about timing than anything else. They can appreciate what they have to some extent (hence the never change comment), but it's not a good fit at the time. Maybe they don't want to settle down yet or something else that they themselves may not be aware of.

    • With this last girl I really think that's true. I'm not even nearly perfection. But I am the kind of guy that doesn't understand the point of fighting and holding grudges. I have a mom and an uncle that haven't talked in 20 years, I watch my parents fight about stupid stuff all the time. I don't let myself get taken advantage of, but I also know how to be calm and collect in more intense situations. At the end I wasn’t as collected as I’d like to be. I was a mess. I really love her.
      It was all-of-the-sudden and she definitely wasn't ready to settle down, I wasn't wanting her to either. But instead of taking things slow (which seemed like a good idea?) She just broke up. And it wasn't easy for her. I could tell she hurt, for weeks she didn't eat and barely slept, just like me. I thought it was a bump in the road and things would get better. But it’s been 4 months and I miss her more than past girls, I really care about this one.

    • Thanks for MH.
      For how long were you two dating?
      If she's around your age, perhaps you're finishing college and it's a time to think about finding a job and things like that.
      And a long shot here, but perhaps she screwed up royally, a drunken incident maybe?

      Sometimes it can take a while before you take things in a different perspective and actually regret such decisions. And not everyone will have the courage to admit it when/ if that time comes. So perhaps what you can do is still be around in case that time comes. But that will put you in a position of waiting... so maybe better to just take things slowly.

    • I am in healthcare and trying to get my RN. I work and take classes still. She is still in school and wants a career in healthcare also. We were dating since highschool, 5 years. She doesn't drink. I don't know how she could possibly have done anything she'd be that ashamed about. She tells her mom everything and I've talked with her a lot and she just thinks her daughter "doesn't know what she has" kind of a thing? I don't know. I'd wait for her if I thought it was the right thing to do. But I don't know if that is going to make things better or worse for either of us.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • Dude this is how you look right now

  • Maybe you should ask them for an explanation. Without knowing what their motivation was for leaving you, I can't offer any advice. From what you described, you sound like a great boyfriend, though I guess some women could feel like you were too good for them. Maybe try to encourage the next woman you are with to know how much you care about her, & how special you think she is. Sorry I couldn't be more help, but I wish you luck.

    • No you're plenty helpful! I asked another question about this specifically a while back. She told me everything! We had great communication. And I told her every chance I got how special she was. Things were basically perfect until the last week. I new something was wrong because all of the sudden she didn't want to talk to me. I tried over and over to find out what actually happened. Her mom still talks to me and she told me she couldnt figure out what was wrong either. A lot of reasons that didn't make sense. She ended up telling me she thinks her daughter is stupid! And that's about it... I don't like the way that sounds.

  • Wtf dont change or think its because your too nice. If those girls left its obviously them not you. So you just keep your head up and do all those charming things you do. I mean if i came across a man like that i would never let go. You sound like a prince lol. So dont look for her, she will just walk into your life one day :)

    • That's very kind of you. And to be honest I have never looked for a girl. I've always tried to be patient and wait. I'm getting tired of getting broken up with. I love hard and only start things with girls who I know love just as hard. My relationships always last quite awhile, but they always end the same. And I'm sick of the broken heart. It does terrible things to my stress level, blood sugars, and overall quality of living. And like I said to the other girl... this last one she was hurting too. And even though she broke up with me, watching her cry that hard over and over again made me feel worse. I know life is about risks but I am really getting tired of taking them. Relationships are getting hard for me because I am starting to feel like I'm just going to go into one expecting to get my heart ripped out again. Despite trying and loving so much, I am turning into a cynic!

  • If it were the Right girl she would accept you no matter what and would not care about what other people say. She will love you and only you.. so the girls that dump you are not the right ones.


What Guys Said 4

  • It's a classic case of, well... being overly nice to women. You are a nice guy. The guy many women say they prefer to be with, that is, until they date you and eventually lose interest. Why? To some women, being nice and gentlemanly becomes boring and predictable. It's safe and conservative, which is not sexy or challenging.

    Now, by no means am I suggesting that you become a moron to women. I'm simply saying that you may want to consider being somewhat unpredictable and less agreeable. Many women do not like to admit it, but they like guys who challenges them.

    • I'm not sure boring and predictable are the right words, but when you have too much of 'perfection' it may start to feel fake...
      Like "I loved her and her whole family as well"... a bit overwhelming. A guy everybody loves and holds no grudge against anyone. Eeek. Just saying.

    • Show All
    • Sorry staff sgt. I was referring to dipta's opinion. Should've cleared that up lol

    • @JoeE21
      There's nothing too wrong with being nice, lol, but I will say that one of the lessons nice people need to learn in life is that you cannot be nice to just about everyone indiscriminately and on the same level of family and friends regardless of them ever doing anything to win your trust. Too much powerpuff.

      Sure you can greet and smile and be nice overall until someone gives you a reason not to, but there has to be a distinction in treatment between someone you just know and close friends. Even between friends and a gf.
      It also has to do with trust and intimacy levels. An adult who goes around fully trusting people without an apparent good reason cannot be very bright.

  • Being too nice is boring that's why. Most girls will deny the hell out of this but they actually love it when a guy doesn't always give her what she wants and calls her out when she's being "bitchy". I'm mostly talking about girls who know they are hot btw.

    • I wouldn't say I was ever boring. I was predictable in the sense that she could always count on me. Always listen, answer her call, come running if she called. I am pretty sensitive to girls, so there's that. I am brutally honest though, I will always call them out. I give a girl everything she wants that I have the ability to give her, so you've got me on that one. That's one of the reasons I hate breakups so much. I've usually given up everything I've got to give at that point.

  • Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else. But you're no better than me. I am no better than you. Stay incredible, Mr. Incredible.

  • women often chase crazy controlling freaks rather than a nice man who can lend his shoulder for her to lean on

    • I've never been left for another man. The girls that break up with me always seem pretty heart broken and stay single for quite a while before starting a different relationship. For whatever reason they just think "it's going to be to hard." Before there is ever a problem with our relationship they THINK something will go wrong, and break it off in anticipation. Makes so sense to me.

    • I am a control freak.

    • Dominant* and control freak.

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