I feel bad after I open up... is this normal with anyone? Advice?

I have had a history of bad relationships. It has not been all of them, but the first two caused me to develop trust issues. Additionally, my family does not open up about anything. With that being said, it has been years since I have lived at home so I am away from that mentality. Also the two unhealthy relationships I was in occurred over 4 years ago. I have had time to recover, and I thought I had. I am fine opening up about feelings and emotions to certain friends and that has never hindered me. What confuses me is with a romantic partner.

Because I have recently started dating again, I am scared to open up. The guy will start to talk about his past or open up to me... so I start to with him as well. The moment I start to speak about anything emotional or in my past I hate myself for it. Even if it is just talking about how I grew up, my family, my exs, or my friends. I am not spilling my guts out here, I don't say anything first, and I wait for him to start the conversation that leads to me taking about anything emotional. But as soon as I am away from him, I beat myself up that I opened my mouth about anything. I feel awful and exposed.

It scares me. I know I have trust issues, I assume the worst out of people, and I blame myself for if something goes wrong. But I can be confident and I am happy with who I am. Any advice on how to go about this or has anyone faced this before?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Stopping a cycle is difficult; believe me, I just went through a similar thing in my 40's. But, only you can stop the cycle. I wouldn't beat yourself up, if you like the guy and he respects you then there's nothing you can say wrong.

    Look, I was with a woman for too long before I opened up to her and that was 25 years ago. Since then I've opened up to everyone and been a better person because of it. Take this time to learn and grow. If the guy is good then he'll wait for you.


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