What To Do About the Other Woman?

My husband is talking to this woman about our marital issues... I've asked him a hundred times to stop talking to her (he's only known her about a month), and he refuses. His excuse is that she's been a good friend but he's never had this issue before. If I didn't like someone he'd drop that person and vise versa. He recently has put a password on this phone as well - which he's never done.

When he leaves the house, he call her, he texts her non-stop, and I've asked him to at least respect me enough to not confide in her since I'm not talking to anyone about this. He refused.

So I wrote her and asked what her relationship was with him. It was polite and I even told her that her honesty would be appreciated. She basically told me it shows my insecurity - which is true but I've never been insecure in my marriage until my husband brought up this issue and then started being sneaky all of a sudden.

How can one not be insecure?

So I dropped it and I didn't pursue a conversation because I wasn't going to be degraded for trying to figure out what the hell is going on in my marriage.

Anyway. I spoke to a counselor and he said she's a potential problem and things needed to change. He says he told her but he's gotten texts from her. I don't know what he responds but he has.

My question is, is do I write her again and tell her kindly to stop while we work on my marriage? I feel she is a huge threat. He told me last time that messaging her in the first place was uncalled for but I feel strongly about this...


Most Helpful Guy

  • IN a marriage or a committed relationship there is the deeper intimacy more intimate than sex that is the one of conversation between two who feel safe knowing what is shared stays in the marriage or the relationship.

    For your husband to share the issue outside of your marriage with another woman is outrageous and very selfish on his part. He gives no consideration to your tender feelings. He is already cheating on you by spending his time and thoughts with this woman that has no business knowing your intimate business.

    What a violation of your marriage bed your vows, and flat out trusting what is shared stays between you and your husband.

    He is having an emotional affair this woman is a threat to your marriage and and if your husband does not respect you enough to stop then you need to take steps to protect yourself continue seeing the counselor even if he won't comply with the counselors instructions.

    You may sadly be fighting for this marriage by yourself.

    • That's exactly how I'm feeling. I tried to explain this and he didn't listen... he thinks I'm over reacting. It's the last thing I want to do. We have a 5 month old and all I can think about is that he's willing to throw us away... it's not just effecting him and I.

    • Show All
    • They're not but thank you so much for your advice!

    • You are very welcome and I am sorry.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Why are u asking her he is ur husband he should respect you enough and stop if not maybe the problem not in the marriage maybe he is the problem , dont give up on you right on asking him he is your husband

    • Thank you for that. He's making me feel like I'm taking this all out of proportion when I'm really not. I'm a very rational person and I honestly rarely let my emotions get in the way so I feel I'm right in this.

  • mmm, i'd suggest writing her again, your husband seems to be acting a bit... fishy.

    • Yes he is. I can't help but feel it in my gut that there's more to it. When I wrote her, she told me it was Insecurities when I was simply going to her as a woman who deserves to know if there's something going on.

      He didn't like me messaging her.

What Girls Said 1

  • She's a BIG PROBLEM she is probably seeing your husband and a password on the phone NO NO NO y'all need to get things straight you need to demand u stop talking to her u r not being insecure at all any woman would be curious or suspicious you have the right and he is being very disrespectful just remind him. If he cheats you'll get spousal support and child support if u have children you'll make his life a living HELL u get half of everything the house the car and leave him broke and worthless and we shall see if he wants to cheat then. Unless you signed a prenup.

    • I didn't sign a prenup. Never even thought this situation would be happening. It's been a complete shock. Though, if he does cheat, I'll be the scariest bitch he'll ever know.

    • Take him for all he's got and I think he's too shady

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