My girlfriend has had only a couple previous relationships that were clearly unhealthy for her emotionally and physically as she was constantly harassed and abused (physically/emotionally). I don't know the extent of the abuse other than that she was constantly breaking up and getting back together with her ex on a weekly basis. This was normal for her and she was oddly okay with it (her words). She went even further and said that she is turned on by a little fire, a spark, or some backlash because she believes that you can only truly love someone if you fight for them and are aggressive and show emotion and are alive. I disagree. I'm an easy going person, I'm happy and I have not had any previous abusive or traumatic past relationships. I dont hesitate to make smartass remarks, be playful or be assertive with her but aggressive is too far in my books. I do not think it is healthy. I love her dearly and she loves me. She said that this easy going lovey dovey stuff is new for her and that she has to get used to it but ultimately its not her. I'm not out to change her as a person, I just want to know how I should handle this? I'm not about to start abusing her, but I want her to still see that I care very much?
Most Helpful Girl
It sounds like your girlfriend has major self-esteem issues. I know this, because I have allowed these type of relationships into my life in the past. Your relationship, and the love you give her, is foreign to her. It's like being placed into a country where you don't speak the language and don't know the culture. You don't know how to behave, react, or go about daily life. However, she does need to take the steps to realize that the past behavior was not ok and that it probably has scarred her. Maybe she realizes, or maybe she doesn't, but she will never have a healthy relationship if she can't recognize what went wrong, how she allowed it, and why she allowed it - with you or with anyone past or future.1