Friend likes me enough to hook up with, but not sure about long-term... should I go for it or back off?

We've been friends for years, recently things have started getting more and more flirty/heated. Finally after last weekend when she got drunk and bit me I asked her how she'd feel about going out on our own somewhere.

We had a long conversation about uncertainties and why it's a terrible idea later and it is a bad idea, my roommate still has a thing for her even though they've been broken up for 3 years and were only together a few months. Her roommate evidently still has a thing for me and in similar fashion we'd been broken apart for years as well. We'd be possibly alienating our friends if this went on.

And yet we still went drinking, I ended up kissing her for the first time outside her place, and just barely kept myself from inviting myself in. She later admitted she was dtf but it likely would not have been a good idea long term.

We've been friends for 7 years. She's worried that she won't like me long-term (she hasn't dated anyone more than 6 months) and that we'd be jeopardizing multiple friendships for nothing. I understand the risk... but she clearly likes me a lot too if she's willing to put out for me.

I'd still for sure go for it if she hadn't warned me that she's still not 100% over another guy yet too. He's several states away and it's likely never going to be more than 'complicated' as she put it but it's still worrisome...

What should I do here? Abandon ship?


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What Girls Said 2

  • Speaking from my own experience i would advise you not to go there. depends on how much you value your friendship with her, coz if you both get together and it doesn't last its more than likely your friendship can never remain the same, or worse be over, you would be the one that ends up getting hurt coz it appears to me that your more into her than she is you, like you mentioned there is your room mates to take into consideration too, knowing yours still has a thing for her, you would def be going beyond the boundaries of your roommates frienship with you, she has admitted she doesn't want a long term relationship with you, so you would have to brace yourself for the emotional pain when it ends, if you dont value your friendship with her and your roommate, if you dont care you will get a reputation for hittting on mates' girls, and you can deal with the hurt it will cause you, and you dont mind if you lose her as a friend as well as roommate, then go for it, if not have e more self control and find someone who want to really be with you and cares about you, look for a mutual relationship

  • She thinks dating might be a bad idea, what's worse than that is not dating and just having sex. I can only imagine the terrible outcomes. Like your exes finding out and getting furious with both of you. You might have stronger feeling for her than she does you, and you might definitely get emotionally hurt eventually. It's all a risk just gotta decide if it's worth it all. If you guys can be discreet about hooking up and emotionally detached then it could work to be friends with benefits


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