Am I the problem? Is it my child? Should I give up? Will anyone see me as the one? He said he likes me but is just not ready?

I always get caught up in the same situation. Girl likes guy, guy likes girl; Girl can't wait much longer. It seems guys here are all out for sexual satisfaction, but occasionally you meet the one. The one who's not into sex, the one who's just like you, well not entirely. He has the looks, he has the brains, he's even a bit of a gamer. He likes me just as much as I like him, or so it seems. They're never ready to take the next step. I'm 19, so it's not like I'm looking for marriage. I'm just looking for a simple relationship, dates like movies, dinner; not in an actual restaurant or theater but at home where it's convenient. But there's always something stopping them... could it be me... or the fact that I have a child. Possibly... I see so many happy couples and I'm just here on the sidelines. The "relationship" I'm involved in now, Mr. NotReady is constantly involved with his game, day in and day out; he's streaming on twitch. But he's also messaging me. He calls me sweetie, I call him baby, we flirt constantly. He worries and he cares but at the same time he also calls me his friend. I'm a gamer as well so I'd rather not tear him away from his game but is there room for me as well in his life. We laugh and joke, calls on skype. But he won't come one town over; a 45minute drive to hangout, excuses like he's busy with his band, or just plain busy. I really like him.. but I'm never the one... I've been single since I've had my son so maybe people think they'd have to support us... but I'm quite independent, I can take care of myself. Although everyone needs that person to lean on, and I can't lean on Mr. NotReady if he won't even stop by to watch a movie and cuddle while sipping hot cocoa. Am I the problem, am I asking for too much by pushing for a label rather than friendship. I don't get how you can flirt, "talk dirty", give someone pet names, and fight along side them in a battle (games) but not get involved with them dating wise. I don't know what I must do:(


Most Helpful Girl

  • dating should take the back seat. Not many men at their twenties want to come and have to support two people. You could date way older, but you'll have to make the decision if you want to do that and whether you want that life for your child. My mom went through the same shit. Pregnant at 19, kid and single at 20, met a wonderful man at 26, married at 30. She's had 9 years of marriage so far. He's 64.

    • That's really great advice, I'll take it into consideration. Thank you!

    • You're welcome, be safe and well <3

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What Guys Said 6

  • Most guys his age are not interested in a family yet, especially not if the kid isn’t even theirs. You say you want dates and dinners and movies and all the usual stuff? Unfortunately, everything like that has to revolve around your child and making sure they are looked after, have a babysitter, are taken care of when you’re not there, and that means you don’t have the same freedom to go out and do stuff. Someone will see you as the one, but right now the odds are kind of stacked against you.

    This guy is only very recently out of high school and just starting out in the adult world. It sounds like he’s perfectly content with his games and band, and thinks it’s find of fun to send you silly texts but isn’t ready/able to do anything beyond that yet. He’s probably not going to change overnight either, you should probably keep your feelers out for other guys who might be more mature and ready for a proper relationship with you.

    • Well I do have a sitter, for any occasion always ready and lined up. He's 22.. I guess it'd be right of me to respect his wishes.

    • Trust me, there are some good guys out there who’d be happy to date you and your kid. I talk to one online who was seeing a girl with a young child for over a year – when she ended it (reasons too complicated to explain here) he really missed her AND her daughter, he’d grown really attached to them.

      Don’t waste too much time chasing this guy if he’s not prepared to make good on any of his flirty texts, you have your own life to live and can’t wait around for him. Good luck 

  • It sounds like he is too young and not mature enough to handle the responsibility of a relationship. The child may be part of the problem, but will be less of an issue as you get older and start dating older men.

    • I agree, thank you for your input. Seems younger men just want someone who's there rather than something real. Call me old fashioned but I like something long lasting.

  • Not your problem, it's theirs.
    Not your child that's causing it, More their not wanting to deal with that kind of thing, (so their causing it)
    Don't ever give up, Giving up is lonely and boring. Two things I hate being constantly.
    How long have you two known each other? How old is your child? How many times have you asked him to come over?

    If the answer to those questions are Quite awhile (I'd say over 4-5 months), 6 or 7+, and to many times, then just move on to someone else. He isn't ready for multiple reasons, one being he doesn't make enough (any) time for you.

    Obviously to him Skype calls and gaming are all he needs to feel like he can be in a relationship with someone. That's not the case for you, (neither to me actually even though I'm constantly glued to my computer).

    • How long have you two known each other? How old is your child? How many times have you asked him to come over?

      We've known each other for quite a while, my child is now 3, I've asked him to come over at least 3-6 times but it just never seems to work out.

  • Maybe slow down on the "sexting" until he's showing that he's giving you the type of relationship you want.

    • O. o never said I sext a lot xD he just takes an interest in a certain part of my body. Bringing it into conversation occasionally.

    • Oh, sorry I misunderstood. Well it's tough dating. And yes, it's tough dating with a child. It's just the harsh reality. But keep at it and eventually you'll find someone.

    • Thank you for the advice.! I'll try my best!

  • You are not asking for too much. You need to find another male. That one is too young. He is still a schoolboy gamer, inside his head.
    Are you certain that he is heterosexual?

    • I don't even know what a heterosexual is xD

    • Heterosexual is the correct term for straight, a male who is attracted sexually to females.
      If this boy had two functional testicles he would be banging you senseless, not playing on his X-Box.

    • Haha he plays on the computer xD
      I'm pretty sure he is, I mean he talks a lot about it, or mentions it now and again.
      But he hasn't done it in 3 years...
      Talk about a devoted gamer.

  • I really don't think that the problem is you or your child, it sounds more like Mr Nt Ready is more Mr Not Serious. Sounds like he sees you more as an online GF and is too self absorbed to take things seriously. I think you've only got 2 options on what to do either wait and be patient hoping he'll eventually get serious or move on.


What Girls Said 1

  • if a pattern keeps repeating, as you said, something that we are doing helps that pattern repeat. I know by experience, although my case is not similar to yours. Can you think of something in your behaviour that attracts this kind of guy, or something that makes them think it's alright to treat you like that?
    I'm not trying to blame you, please, dont look at like that, I just making sure you dont see yourself as a victim of circumstances.

    • I honestly don't know, maybe it's the fact that gamer girl attracts gamer guy... but then again they're usually guitarist as well... eeke

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