Guys, if you were dating a girl who was really busy with work and school, would you tend to wait for her to set up the next date?

I've been dating a guy I met online for about 7 weeks. We meet about 1x/wk as we are both busy, although me moreso. I work FT and study most evenings.

He usually does the asking for the next date. I have asked a couple of times, such as last week. We last got together last Saturday and we tend to always have a good time, talking, laughing, holding hands, kissing, etc. We were talking about possibly seeing a movie the next time and he also suggested we could do coursework/study together.

He texted me Sunday and Tuesday, and I responded and texted him today, Thursday... He's made no mention of meeting up again? Also, I noticed he still has his online dating profile up (I closed mine) and goes on about 1x/wk, and was on today and yesterday... hmmm... He's also told me on our last date, he's taking it one day a time with me (this is also what I told him after our 2nd date).

Is he just not that into me? Or playing it cool as I am busy (I will be done my course in 2 weeks and he knows this)...


Most Helpful Guy

  • I usually tend to let the woman set the schedule if she has a really busy life. Not to be mean or anything, but it's really off putting to me when I'll ask a woman to hangout or go on a date and all I get is a "sorry" or "I'm busy" as a response. If he's anything like I am, he's accepted the fact that your a very busy person, and doesn't want to continue wasting conversation time on a question he already knows the answer to. If you ask him to hangout and he's really excited, then that's your answer to if he's into you. If he doesn't want to do anything or keeps making excuses, then he's setting you up for a bump and run, "bump" meaning putting distance between you and him over a period of time to get his goals and priorities in line, to set up the "run", him walking away from the relationship feeling relaxed and carefree.

    • Thanks... Would he act excited to go out with me when I ask if he was stringing me along... waiting for something better to come along?

    • If you ask if he's stringing you along before you ask him out, then you're pretty much setting yourself up for another round of "is he, isn't he". Because if he lies to one, then chances are he's lying to the other question as well. Treat it like an interrogation, don't reveal what you already know, and get him to tell what he knows. Just don't make it obvious as to what exactly your trying to know. i. e. If you ask if he's stringing you along and then ask to hang out, chances are he'll deny stringing, and hang out to strengthen his defense that he's not stringing you along. If you ask him to go out and he's very excited, then you found yourself an innocent man.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • No need to worry. It seems like you guys have a good thing going. I wouldn't hesitate to ask him for a date.


What Girls Said 1

  • Girl, who knows. Especially with people you meet online.

    I would suggest taking something a man tells you at face value. Either:

    1) he's being honest, which is good because he's not a bullshitter. But this also means that he is not exclusive and is not sure if he wants to be with you and only you -or-

    2) he's a bullshitter and playing games. Saying one thing while doing and meaning another. In this case, you don't want to mess with him and should drop him ASAP.

    As you have only known this person for 7 weeks, I would recommend not spending too much time trying to figure out his inner workings. This stage is about getting to know him and if you two are not close enough for you to ask him this question straight up, you don't know him enough to be exclusive.

    My suggestion, mirror his behavior. Mirroring works like this: if he calls you, you call him. If he asks for a date, you say yes or no. If he deletes his profile, you delete your profile (you should not have done so until it was clear you two were exclusive). He brings you to meet family and friends, you bring him to meet family and friends, etc

    The process of figuring out exclusivity is different for men and women. If you start pursuing or bugging out or feeling all confused, the dynamic will shift and not in a good way.

    Relax and allow him to pursue. Date others and keep up your profile until he has made it clear there's interest in being exclusive.

    Be careful of your choices around sleeping together during this time. I, personally, only sleep with boyfriends because I'm too busy for the messiness that comes otherwise, especially with online dating. I let men know this upfront. If you two are not exclusive, then he's not your boyfriend and he could be sleeping with several women at once while you aren't even using your online profile anymore.

    Hope this helps!

    • Oh, and to address the busyness issue, of you don't have time for the dating dance and for a man to pursue you, it can discourage and turn them off. Find a way to make yourself feel available to him (ex. I can't do that day but what about this day?).

      Let him know you're still interested in going out and see of he steps forward to set the pace. If not, you can invite him over for dinner one night and try to kick start things

    • Thanks... I'm still absorbing what you said :)... but in the meantime would like to clarify that I initially met him online in February and we went out once. We both never asked each other out again, and that is when I took my profile down (Feb.)... but I couldn't stop thinking about him... so I contacted him again in August and we rekindled things.