Guys-How do you date a girl with a past?

I have always dated girls with past relationships before they met me. I always ended dumping the girls because i always feel they chose their ex over me and i just get feel like second rate with leftovers.

How do you get over the feeling of being chosen over?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow. I have the matching mirror-image question to make this conundrum complete.

    My answer to your question is this: If she chooses you, you need to understand that she chooses you. She is an autonomous individual - if she wanted her ex, she wouldn't need to ask for your permission to go back to him. And ex-es are ex-es. When they broke up, how do you even know that he dumped her? Did you check to find out if it was HER who didn't want him? In any case, maybe she doesn't even want him any more. I mean come on - she's exploring a relationship with you.

    This is my get-them-all question that completes the set: How do I get over a guy who has done exactly what you do, to me? I'd do anything if he'd talk to me and spend just half an hour of my wretched life with me.

    • Talk to you about what?

    • Anything but the heavy stuff. He may not want me but not working out as a couple doesn't mean you can't work out as acquaintances right? I once went to his workplace for lunch and had the best lunch hour I'd ever had in my life -- no exaggeration. I'd feel so lucky and happy being able to share a couple impromptu jokes, talk about a cool thing (or two) each that happened in the last week, boast about a cool thing we each plan to do in the coming weeks... As if we never tried to be together and failed. I think about him every day. I'd just like to know he doesn't hate me. .. and then beyond that, with respect to whoever he wants to date or sleep with, that's entirely his prerogative and I love him enough that I sincerely just want him to do what makes him happy.

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What Girls Said 3

  • so a relationship means a past. women who have never been in a relationship were just born? lol

    since you've always dated it sounds like more than one. which means you have a 'past' as well.. so how do you expect women not have have a 'past'. if women didn't have more than one relationship, you wouldn't be dating anymore. since you've already had one.

    explain where you're going with this logically, please.

    • If someone dated a person before they met you, does that mean they chose that person over you?

    • personally I think it means they didn't meat you till after they meet the other person. and out takes a few trials before you get it right. every time you're with a not so great relationship you get closer to knowing what you need.

      do you like everything you dud before tray better than what you did this year bc you did it first. you can't like anything the best unless there's more than one thing to choose from. she can't choose them over you when she hadn't even have you and has you as an option. thats absurd. you have to be a choice in order to not be chosen. otherwise doesn't count,.

      you need to be able to experience things in life and mess up. thats life, trial and error. there's a goldie locks paradigm in all of us.

      i understand you're saying how you feel.

      but I'm asking how you expect to date a woman who has never dated anyone but you when you've already dated other women. its mathematically impossible.

    • ... and are you saying for yourself, that each woman before the current woman was chosen over the current?

  • Everyone has a past you need to let it go

    • But what about the feeling of being chosen over? Did they choose their ex over you if they dated someone before they met you?

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    • Can I just try to put things in perspective for you and right your rather topsy-turvy viewpoint?

      My first boyfriend was the least attractive and most loserly guy I ever dated. Every next time I just got more and more confident, and my standards have continually gotten higher, and my confidence more and more robust. And I've got more self-pride than to "settle", and go for a guy who won't make me feel satisfied, so every next guy has been either more or less on par, or better than the last guy.

    • @dantesflint thank you and EXACTLY I couldn't agree more every relationship is a stepping stone of the person your supposed to be with.. Valuable lessons need to be learned in order to appreciate what you have. Ya know?

  • Stop dating! Be her friend first and get to know KNOW her. Girls who have guy friends tend to tell them everything! And you knowing a girl from a while, would show you what your dealing with.


What Guys Said 3

  • How could they choose someone over you if they hadn't met you yet? Were they supposed to know they were going to meet you or what?

    • Yes, why couldnt they have met me first? Why do i get the baggage and leftovers?

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    • What is the benefit of accepting the girls who have been treated like garbage and give them the love they never had? Whats in it for me?

    • You know, OP, if you are incapable of being forgiving and understanding, then no matter how perfect and astute and prudent a girl is in choosing guys, she is going to deserve better than you. Because there are a lot of guys out there who can understand that women are people too and nobody is perfect.

  • You date them lol, they aren't any different. The reason you feel the way you do is because your relationship with yourself isn't perfect, usually its a confidence issue but just date them and be confident that they are yours

    • And they are someones elses too, yuck

    • Dude everybody has had somebody in their past. I appreciate that you rephrased your question, but my answers going to be the best you can get. It's about confidence

  • You don't.

    • Not even to use them?

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    • Im cool with that. Lol

    • You and me both lol