Boyfriend insists on speaking to old fling?

my boyfriend used to work with/chase around a girl before we started dating. she would always keep him hanging by a thread and he really really liked her. he still continues to speak to her insisting that they are just friends. she seems to always be around on nights that i can't go out, and on these nights he will come home belligerent and sometimes with a ripped shirt (?). I feel uncomfortable with the fact that they are still friends on Facebook and communicate. am I being unreasonable? because he seems to think i am trying to control him.

  • Reasonable
    Vote A
  • Unreasonable
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Based on what their relationship was (him chasing her) you have reason to worry. You can't tell him what to do, but you can let him know how it makes you feel and that it makes you not want to invest as much in the relationship. It's reasonable for him to speak with her or talk or even hangout. Hanging out alone with her late at night is not reasonable. Something I do is i just say, "I can't tell you what to do, I just ask that you avoid situations that could look bad. That if someone from the outside looking in saw, they would think it's something it's not". That means no movie nights at her place when it is just them in the house alone. Not talking on the phone late past midnight and all that jazz

    • I don't know how you presented it before, but he might be cheating or at least in his mind he is because wanting to be alone with a girl that is not your girl who you know you want to fuck, is just bad news waiting to happen. And he shouldn't be putting himself into the position to cheat

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • When you enter into a relationship, a mature man knows that even good female friends can blur the lines of decency. So he should refrain from contact with these people. This is a relationship that you have made yourself vulnerable enough to enter into and because of that you have a right to have certain expectations. It's not that you are trying to control him. It is that you see an obvious situation that you would think common decency on his part would lead him to do the right thing. I believe you have every right to stick your foot down on this issue.


What Girls Said 1

  • You definitely have grounds to be bothered by this. You probably don't want to speak up in fear of coming across as controlling or something, but honestly the fact that he's meeting with a girl who he was formerly involved with, not to mention always on days that you're not around... I'd be uneasy.

    Tell him how you feel, making sure not to lay much or all blame on him as that'll just lead to him getting defensive. Just tell him why it makes you feel uneasy, and if he's a nice guy he should respect that. Hopefully he'll slowly stop hanging out with her altogether, or at least make an effort to have you present when they do meet up.

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