Arguing in relationships. What is your take?

Does anyone really like to argue?
Growing up I was surrounded by constant violence and men abusing women.
Last night in a conversation with my boyfriend I told him that he will never have a valid reason to raise his voice at me.
He kind of laughed and said that it is life and not everyone is going to follow those directions.
I get it. Not everyone is respectful in that aspect.
HOWEVER, him being the man that I am dating and the level of care we hold for each other, I don't believe that he or I should have a reason to ever raise our voices at one another.

I am not one to argue. I will tell you how I feel and listen to your own feelings till we come to an understanding and respect of each others position in any particular disagreement.

When he raises his voice at me, especially over something so innocent like I touch a part of his body that hurts him without realizing it. (this happened)
I shut down and get quite.

Communication. Communication.
How do you feel about arguing?

  • Arguing is bound to happen. Toughen up.
    Vote A
  • Arguing will happen occasionally. That is life.
    Vote B
  • No one LIKES to argue. Sometimes it just happens.
    Vote C
  • I hate arguing and agree. Communication skills help prevent.
    Vote D
  • I don't know my opinion. I want to see results.
    Vote E
Select a gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Perhaps it is the combination of cursing and yelling that turns me off completely. I can go back and forth arguing if presented but I really don't want too.


Most Helpful Guy

  • This is a subject I have strong opinion about. Everyone in a relationship has the right to feel safe, secure and calm. Issues can be discussed but should not result in heated argument.
    People will tell you that argument is normal, this is because that is their past experience, what they see as normal, but is not correct.
    In a balanced relationship issues should be discussed and considered without the need to raise voices or argue. That is the point where control has been lost and people feel at risk. This is unacceptable.
    I have experience of over 30 years with discussion and agreement on all subjects but not argument and raised two daughters in a calm stress free environment.
    There are times when arguments occur (and have occurred), nothing is perfect, but everyone should not feel at risk from their partner and should be allowed a low stress relationship.

    • Absolutely! Thank you. I agree one hundred percent.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Disagreements happen. Shouting, swearing, insulting and worse should never happen during a disagreement. Treat each other with respect, and respect the other person's right to hold a differing opinion.

    It's crucial in a relationship to have patience and understanding. You don't agree? That's fine. But you respect their view is different, and you also make the effort to try and see why they hold those views. Just shutting down or slamming the door or running away doesn't help anything, be open and honest and explain what is bothering you and then you work together to reach some kind of solution.

    • I agree. I mean shut down like I don't respond. I just sit there and continue on with what we were doing. It will hurt for a minute and then I will move past it emotionally. I can do disagreements. Just not some one shouting and swearing at me or grabbing my arm. That I cannot do.

    • Show All
    • I did tell him never to raise his voice at me again. That there should be no reason to talk to me that way. If there was something I did that he didn't like, he should just say it so I know and I would never intentionally do it again. He kind of laughed. & then finished the conversation by saying, "Awe. You are just a really sweet person." That was it.

    • Ok. I hate raised voices and confrontation, it scares me a lot. I can only imagine how it feels for you. Sounds like he's a good guy and will remember that too.

  • Arguing is going to happen. It's life. You will never agree with someone 100%. LEarn how to do it respectfully.

    • Exactly. Respectfully. He said that his military ways are not easy to break and that includes is foul language and his tone of voice when upset. I feel like there should be a warning or a conversation that would diffuse any potential argument... He just seems to snap.

    • I'm kinda that way, too. I don't mean to, but I have to yell and curse then it's out of my system.

  • There will always be arguments and disagreements in whatever relationship, be it family members, friends or significant others.

    However it's important that whatever the argument that people resolve their differences in a mature way.

  • My wife and I rarely argue. We discuss, but treat each other respectfully.

    I used to argue a lot with a girlfriend I had before meeting the woman who is now my wife. I feel like we brought out the worst in each other and each time we argued we lost a little respect for each other. I don't want to ever go back there.


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