Why do some people bring friends along on first dates?

So last weekend I had a date with this girl I met off POF and it was an unusual date. She had messaged me a week before and she's very attractive and we had a lot in common but she was very hard to talk to. She gave me her number a day after talking and I'd try to make conversation with her but she'd usually give 1 word replies and would ask about when we'd meet up.

For the date, I met up with her at her work while she was getting off so we got to talk for a little bit there, go to her apartment and drop her car off then she asked to go to another bar her friends were at. When we got to the bar, she spent most of the time talking to her friends and I didn't know what to say to her friends because I didn't know them and it made the situation awkward because it caused me to run out of things to say. Then me and the date go out alone for a smoke, started hugging and kissing and then I told her I was about to leave to go see my friends at another bar. She offered to let me crash at her place in case I was too drunk to drive but I had a far drive back so i stayed sober. She said keep in touch but then this past week I texted her twice and she ignored me both times.

Is it possible that her bringing friends along ruined the outcome of the date? I've had it happen before where I meet a girl for the first time and the date's ruined because she brings friends along and it takes time away from us getting to know each other which the first date should always be about anyways.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Yikes! Sounds like a terrible first date. I know some people are really nervous about meeting someone for the first time. But honestly, bringing friends is a terrible idea.

    Sounds to me like she isn't looking for anything serious. She barely talked to you during the date and you have been putting in most of the effort.

    I've been on POF too and it's seriously frustrating. I'm a girl and the one word responses frustrate me to no end. If they aren't interested, they should just say so instead of me trying to carry on the conversation. I've actually stopped talking to people because they couldn't communicate (sorry if that sounds harsh).\

    Sounds like he is interested in possibly a friends with benefits or a causal situation and nothing serious. Maybe she was just looking to hook up? She did offer to let you crash at her place. Although that doesn't really mean anything.

    If someone is more serious, they usually tend to ask more questions and talk more with the other person. So they know if they would be a good match for them or not. At least from my experience from POF that's how I usually weed them out.

    Sure some people are just not good at conversations.

    But did she even try to introduce you to her friends so that you would have something to talk to them about?

    Maybe she isn't really that interested (hence she has ignored both your messages?).

    I would say its best to probably move on. Let her go. FInd a girl who is going to be interested in you and stop chasing after the one's that aren't/

    • Yeah, I wasn't nervous about meeting her prior to the date but once she mentioned her friends meeting up with us, that changed things a lot.

      Well it's weird because she was the one who contacted me in the first place and she put on her profile that she likes to go straight to the meet up and not have endless conversations and she talked about how we liked a lot of the same bands and told me were musical soulmates.

      That's interesting that you have that issue. A lot of times, I'll have girls that will respond back but they don't ask questions so it feels like I'm interviewing them. Not all of them have done that but a good amount have. There have also been girls that I stopped seeing or almost met but quit because they could not hold a conversation to save their life. It felt like I had to come up with shit to say all the time and when I wasn't talking, it was quiet. I feel like I'm trying too hard when I have to always initiate conversation. So I agree with you on that one haha.

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    • Coincidentally, my new town I'm working in to do sales is where she lives. Not that I'm gonna show up at her place lol but who knows if well cross paths.

    • But if she has interest in me, I'll let her contact me.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • Many things can come out of tour question:

    1) she was interested in you but only to have a fling... just sex!
    2) when a person intentionally has a date in a group setting it only means she is not into you.
    3) Besides the fact she had her friends... she could have felt offended about you leaving to see your friends and make them priority over her (even though she had done a similar situation) SHE expected you to beg her or bend over backwards for her...

    LAST THING... usually woman I know who have a date and hang around in a group with their friends intentionally do it so THEY GET TREATEE TO DRINKS AND STUFF ETC...

    • 1) That's highly likely.
      2) Not always true. I've had another date with a girl who had her friends with on our first date a few years ago. We were alone for the 2nd half of the date and made out, and she eventually wanted a relationship but it didn't work because I was going away to college.

      3) Yeah that's weird because she did have her friends along with and I told her I was going out for my friend's bday before she offered to let me stay. It's tough because girls my age don't know what they want and from my experience, any time I've said yes to anything they'd ask for or unintentionally make myself seem too available, they'd no longer be interested. For instance, in college I was at a party once and a girl came up to me and asked if I'd ride with her to a party. Asked her if she wanted to smoke and she said not right now but come to my apartment so I gave in and was talking to her most of the night. After that she ignored me. Maybe she was playing mind games, who knows.

    • As far as being treated to drinks, I haven't had that happen when going on a date with girl and her friends. That's just me though.

  • she is clearly a "party girl" and basically goes with the reputation of POF perfectly, she just dragged you along for a fun night out with her friends and she wanted some dick at the end of the night. The reason she is ignoring you is because you didn't perform and too many guys are willing to do that. she moved on probably getting plowed at this very moment.

    • That's a possibility. I regret not taking her up on her offer to crash at her place even though I was ok to drive. I didn't stay because it was spontaneous and she lives an hour away and I made plans. Oh well at least I didn't have any feelings for her and there's 2 other girls I'm dating at the moment. Not to sound like a player, I'm just testing the waters to see who's the best one if that makes any sense.

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    • Yeah I wouldn't be surprised. That's why I'm playing it by ear. Girls get more messages than guys do on dating sites than guys. That's just how it is. If a girl does want to be in a serious relationship then she'll show it.

    • The whole reason I multi date when using those sites is because you don't know how things will end up. One time I dated a girl off a site and gave up opportunities with other women because she came on very strong and showed a lot of interest but it turned out she used me as a rebound and that ruined me. Not saying all girls are like that but it's possible for that to happen.

  • The friends can give their opinion of the guy that way.

    • Yeah, but that should be done later on. 3-4 dates at the earliest.

What Guys Said 1

  • I would have said she didn't like you if not for the hugging/kissing part. She might just want your body. Nothing serious. Because inviting you back to her place didn't make much sense otherwise. If you're into that, you can always text her late at night if she wants to come over to see if she's down for that

    • She only offered to let me crash at her place if I was too drunk to drive unless she had some ulterior motives like having sex.

      I think it's useless anyway. I had my chance and blew it. It most likely wouldn't have worked out because she lives an hour away and didn't wanna meet halfway.

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    • Yeah definitely. I was thinking about doing that, I just didn't wanna be rude. That was my first problem.

    • I can understand that, but you need to know that it's not rude. It's being honest with your intentions and what you want. If you just go along with it, then she thinks it's ok to do that