She's ignoring my messages, should I set an ultimatum by ignoring her?

Okay, so I'm dating this girl, a bit of background, she says she's unromantic, and I think she's also not very comfortable socialising.

2 weeks ago she celebrated my birthday by treating me and buying me a gift, which I said wasn't necessary but she did it anyway. Which gives the impression that she's committed and willing, right?

So back to now. Because we didn't meet last weekend, I sent her a text message saying I missed her. She didn't reply. It wasn't the first time that happened. She claims she forgets messages when it gets buried. But this is whatsapp, and so I do see that she was online and using the app.

Slightly annoyed, I texted her again, expressing my slight irritation at being ignored, and she texted back, "how the heck am I supposed to reply to that [first message that I missed her]?" in her typical blunt fashion (another reason why she's bad at socialising). I said she could just text back anything at all, cause leaving it hanging is just upsetting. She didn't reply. It's been a 2 days since.

What is her intention of not replying? The more I think about it, the more irritated I get with her. I do feel like setting an ultimatum for myself, if she doesn't reply then neither shall I send anything else.

That this is a rather sudden 360 reversal in attitude is what kept me doubting. But I don't see why would she want to annoy me this way.

Okay so I've calmed down a bit and sent a neutral text just to ask what's up. I think I need an answer because I don't want her to think it's okay to ignore.
.. Turns out I misunderstood. She replied "nothing much today. You?" It just completely flew over her head. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. =.="


Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds to me like you should calm down and take a step back. Some people like their space. If she has a introverted personality like it sounds, then even more so. Doesn't mean she doesn't like you. The way your handling it though with being demanding in wanting an explanation will come off as very needy and overbearing. And will in turn push her away. Burning bridges before you even got there. Just some advice. Been there done that. Its frustrating waiting to hear back when your into someone. Mind starts racing with all kinds of different thoughts and reason. But that's just how it works out. Go about your business as usual and if she cares she will get back to you.

    • Thank you for your comments. Yeah she forgot to reply again, right after I posted that update a couple of hours ago. I realise that to her, the need to reply is absolutely unrelated to how she feels about me. Probably the only thing where she feels the urgency to reply to are work-critical texts. It seems that all else, she either replies if it's interesting, or if she remembers. And if she realised she forgotten it long enough, she just assumes its trivial and doesn't reply anymore.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Take it for what it is worth, get used to her text ways and this "He said, she said" will cause a lot of riff raff in any relationship you both are trying to start. Begin your beguine and talk Any problem out By----Getting on the same page.
    She sounds a bit "Committed" by buying you a gift and a keeper if you both can just learn to compromise and come to some More----Understandings.
    Good luck. xx

    • Thank you. :) Ironically it all started when I tried explaining (talking it out) I'd liked a reply, and it got ignored/missed too. lol. I guess I didn't understand her ways yet. But now I think I understand a little better.

    • Open lines of Convo are One of the best ways to get a best point across and avoid the Drama Queen redrick... And to be honest, however, a few are in this habit they sometimes need to break... xxx

  • Try to disappear and not text her. If she really like you she will miss your presence and text. If she wants to be with you, she will text you and won't let you go. Thats how you will find out if somebody is worth for your time and attention. Don't waste your time! :)

    • I see. That was what I was planning to do initially too! I'm trying to decide between just calling her up to ask what's going on, versus just ignoring her until she texts back.

    • The more you chase her asking whats going on might turn her off and think you're needy. Good luck anyway :)

    • Thanks! Yes it's a fine balance, but one I'm not really concerned with balancing right now haha. Can't keep pretending nothing shakes me emotionally - that's not who I am. :)

What Guys Said 5

  • I don't think so, I would give her the benefit of the doubt on this one, why? because even those apps that tell you your message has been sent and viewed, people still take a quick glance, are busy, say they will reply later, and forget. I do that shit all the time, fuck im still leaving this girl hanging on a text message she sent me last night, I just remembered. it happens, I would just give her a pass on this one, because all you're doing is annoying her right now. that's something you don't wanna do.

    • I have a feeling i can wait till the weekend and she still wouldn't reply.

    • you never know. don't act out of impulse off an assumption.

    • True that. That's one plus point for "wait and see", and one negative point to "call her to complain/ask what's wrong".

  • So you're dating and your communication is lacking to the point where she ignores your texts this sounds like teenagers dating like when I was fifteen years old.

    IF you're actually dating somebody your communication should be perfect to the point where you don't even have to worry if she's ignoring you for no reason. You normally realize if she's ignoring you it's a reason.

    I suggest you call her and just try to talk and see how she acts don't over-react over her not messaging you, don't be mad or anything just talk and ask if everything is okay say she hasn't replied back to you in a few days and you just want to make sure everything is okay if she doesn't want to talk ask her to meet in person if she doesn't have time than clearly her interest is elsewhere and you're better off to move on than get played.

    If you're dating it's okay to ask if everything is okay, it's not like you're a teenager.

    • Lol. I guess that's the downside of being inexperienced in dating.

      There isn't any incident that is reason for why she would ignore me. In fact, it would be completely fine if it was just that she ignored my 1st message. But the strange thing is how she ignored the 2nd message which specifically expressed my annoyance at being ignored. :/

      But thanks for your comments. It does seem quite immature right now, and I think I've cooled down a bit. I just sent a neutral concerned text to her to clarify stuff.

  • You could CALL her you know?

    • True. Calling to complain is kinda... drastic though. Ironically. And I want her to text, not call. We don't call each other (we're just not into that).

    • Show All
    • Or you know, a phone call is INSTANTANEOUS with a HUMAN VOICE. :)

    • Actually, if I call her, I'll lose the advantage. Because she'd be irritated that I called her (reason why both of us don't like to receive calls from anybody). I do know that she's taking off from work in a couple of days, which is probably when I'd call her, if I do.

  • She could just be a bad texter. But if you're not happy it might be best to move on.

    • Is it really a thing? I mean, to forget to reply to a text message that specifically asked for a reply?

    • Maybe she's self absorbed.

  • forget this chick find a new one

    • I am heavily considering that if she doesn't give a satisfactory reason the next time I meet up with her.

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    • ohwell back to being ignored then. But yes I too like girls that have their own hobbies most do including the girls that I was talking about ;) I'm talking friends , gym , ect. You're hard to please no wonder you have triuble lol best of luck to ya man.

    • Thanks man. :)