Why is it so hard to forget past relationship pain?

So many people who have been hurt in a relationship take steps to protect themselves from it again. What are your tricks? But are they really just preventing you from being fully emotionally available? Do they really work or do they become 'playing the game'
Do you just have to accept that getting hurt is a consiquence of opening yourself up to someone? Should that pain then just remind us that we are capable of loving with such intensity, and of itself is beautiful?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well I'll be honest I had an ex that just had that 'something about him' and we broke up just because he said he loved me. I was heart broken and fell for him head over heels and pretty much compare everyone to him. We never fought, he never expected anything out of me and I didn't out of him, and we got along so well. Its hard to believe I dated someone on a rebound for a year and to this point can't get over him. I think sometimes people have that 'something about them' and that's what makes it worse.

    • Sounds like you had fallen pretty hard for the guy. I have the same situation with an ex... Makes finding the next love of your life very difficult.
      Still wear it as a badge of honor that you are capable of giving so much of yourself to another and loving so completely

    • Show All
    • It's been like 10 years for me and my ex

    • STill that's shitty :/

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What Girls Said 3

  • The past will always be hard to forget especially if you and the other person have such good history from back then. If you were on such a good note but things didn't work out as you thought they would, it hurts to know you were into them but maybe they weren't as much before. My situation is I've dated my ex twice and this time, he hurt me because he's the only person I've been with but I recieved no explanation of why he cut things off (things were going well but I went in head first with feelings). I'm actually glad he and I aren't talking because its made me close myself in and next time, don't open my feelings as much. didn't matter if we already knew each other which surprised me but I should have known better.

    I fall hard if I really like a guy if I feel we have a strong connection but you never know how they feel. All seems to go well, you think you have a shot but you end up getting shot down. When you put your emotions in it, it can really mess with you when you are left in the cold wondering where it went sour. I dealt with it and had to accept that not everything will always work out. It has helped me because I have a few potential dates yet I'm more wary about thinking they could be the one. Instead, I go with the flow of events. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, I have a chance to try again. :) No matter what happens, being rejected hurts but it happens, period. I have a different mindset to not let it get to my head quickly.

    • I see you are learning the hard way... Like all of us. Love hurts. Given the opportunity tho I would pick love and openness everytime no matter how much it might hurt in the future. Like you say... Have to go with the flow and what happens, happens.

  • No one likes getting hurt. It really depends how much of yourself you gave to that other person. I was with my ex for 6 years. He's my best friend & an amazing genuine guy. But life threw things our way that we weren't ready for. That put so much stress on us. After things calmed down in my life we weren't really "there". Comfort is dangerous. You need to keep a romantic connection. I would try and spark things up again but he had gotten used to how we were. He didn't treat me badly or anything but he wasn't there for me emotionally& romantically... It hurt being in the same room with him, knowing I wanted something from him, & he wasn't willing to give it to me after all these years.
    Love is beautiful & of corse you will always risk getting hurt. But it's part of the process of finding the right one I believe. I now know things I didn't before. How to preserve & make a relationship last, it's needs to be nourished in many areas.

    I'm still hurt from my last relationship. Who knows when I'll be ok. The dilemma I face is I'll try & date but all the guys I meet are just playing the game. I can't do that. Being in a relationship for so long coming out into the dating scene is so horrible & frightening. I just stay to myself. But when the right man comes into my life. I will not hesitate to open up completely. Because life is beautiful & love is too. I want someone I share that with.

    • Yep, been there! Life, stress, work, depression they all take a heavy toll and if you don't pick your head up you don't even notice them drifting away until you feel like tom hanks going after Wilson in cast away. But I'm with you! Never giving up on finding it again.

    • Yes life is unpredictable, right now my focus is myself school, work, & overall improving myself physically mentally & emotionally. But I think it's good we think this way because we don't become bitter & close off. We accept, heal and move on.

  • I just dont do rebounds at all. I cry, i give myself time to mourn, and process all the feelings.. I do not keep any photos or gifts anything that remind of him from te first day on and put an ultimate No contact. I do not hope for recociliation or try to get back together as those unnecessary stuff just makes you dwell on past too much. I do go out for exercising a lot, never stay at home alone and focus kn my short term goals like lose weight get a sailing certificate travel Europe etc. At some point it generally takes 6months to 1 year as far as i noticed, i forgive the person forgive myself and become fully emotional. I dont blame myself for an ending of relationship since i am a faithful person (i think only time u should blame urself is if u cheat) i know from the past if i blame myself and dont forgive i ll never heal... Or suffer really long. Life is short and j dont deserve to suffer. I look at each relarionship and have do's and dont's... Dont try ti protect urself from love when u r ready. Let life surprise u cuz if something ends it is the start of a new thing for sure.. A new and better thing. So dont even ask the protection mechanism just give urself time to heal your heart. Cheers


What Guys Said 1

  • It's a consequence but a necessary evil to get to know someone. And depending on how much you liked, cared or lover the person, it takes time. Serious time to recover if that's possible because you never do forget that person I feel. Take for example a girl I used to hang out with. Things were awesome. Really awesome. And there was so much more there than just friendship. Really great girl. Spectacular. And then, without warning, she wants nothing to do with me, will not text, nor call me as I had with her. And what's worse is I treated her like a human being. Extremely well. It sucks because feelings got involved on my end. It's bullshit.

    • The old unrequited love story. We have all been there. But your right. A necessary evil. If you don't put yourself out there how will know what could have been. You get stuck playing silly games.

      And we never forget or stop caring about the people we have loved so deeply... Another annoying side affect

    • No, I won't. What's worse is I admitted feelings because I HAD to. Over a text. Couldn't help how I felt. But I got nothing. Not saying I won't but at least I came clean rather than hiding it. I felt it was better that way.