Why did he just stop texting me?

Ok I met this guy out a couple of weeks ago and my friend (guy) and I started chatting to him. I could feel a slight attraction but he left without asking my number so I figured he wasn't interested.

The next week I bumped into him in this club and said hi and he was quite drunk and was being extremely forward. I wanted to chat to him but he just kept trying to kiss me so I was a bit put off. He asked my name and if he could get my number but I was quite weary so was avoiding him for a while. Towards the end of the night I pulled him aside and said that because he seemed sweet the first time we met I'd give him a chance and I gave him my number. He wanted to hang out after the club and I said, "Yeah, I know what you want..." and he said, "Well you'd be wrong then". He claimed that he genuinely just wanted to talk. He also told me how he felt when he first saw me and I found it quite sweet but I told him I had to go and to call me when he sobered up. I didn't think I'd hear from him to be honest but he texted me the next day and asked if I'd like to do something. I told him I was busy but that I wasn't opposed to seeing him again. I also made it clear I wasn't looking for any NSA type "fun" but it was fine if he wanted to get to know me. He said he just thought it'd be nice to hang out.

the next day he texted me again and asked if I was around where he lives. I was actually in the area with friends all day and he asked to meet for a drink later. By the time we met it was 10:30pm on a Sunday and I was tired and a bit tipsy. We went to a pub for one drink (I had water!) and then when he offered me another I said I had to go as I had work in the morning. He walked me to the station but didn't try kiss me or anything, just a brief kiss on the cheek.

The next day he again texted me saying it was nice to see me and I was pleased to hear from him again but he didn't ask me out again. He didn't reply to me when I asked how his day was and I didn't hear from him the whole of the next day either. I sent him a playful text and we had a bit of a text chat and then said goodnight and I haven't heard from him since.

It would be fine if he decided he wasn't interested after we met up, but then why would he text me the next day? I doubt I'm going to hear from him again as it's now been more than a week but I just don't get it. I've been single for a long time and was getting hopeful about having a man in my life again so it's pretty disappointing. Not sure if anyone will be able to shed any light but some insight would be great...

I'd just like to add...thanks for reading all of that if you're able! Also, I keep being told that guys need the chase and they lose interest if a girl gives in too easily. So I tried not to show too much interest thinking that was a good thing


Most Helpful Girl

  • Dr Jones is kind of right. I've found this out the hard way. Usually the only guys that chase like crazy are creepers or only in it for the chase. Sometimes even decent guys are so turned on by the chase, that once they get what they want they're not into it anymore. Game over.

    HOWEVER. There is something to a little bit of chase. I personally don't call guys in the beginning unless he's initiated quite a few conversations. I also don't initiate the dates either. Or give it up too fast. None of that stuff is "chasing" to me though. It's just a standard I set based on the type of guys I like to date. I'm not interested in guys that won't put in that little extra effort for me in the beginning because it says he's either lazy, or he doesn't like me that much.

    But back to you. I've had a guy act like that before too. We went out, had a great time, he texted me the next day, and then he disappeared. I found out the guy had a lot of issues actually. Weird commitment issues. A year later he admitted to being an idiot and couldn't explain why he had done that. So all I could say, is this guy has some issues, he's not sure of his feelings for you, etc. All qualities you don't really want to get involved with.

    Don't get discouraged though. I know the feeling where you finally think you've found a good one. I've been single for a little while as well. Being single though is 10 times better than being committed to a loser. So use his weird behavior as a signal that he's a loser, and find a better one. Good luck!

    P.S. Don't be surprised if he contacts you in a few weeks. Guys like this are notorious for jumping in and out of your life like a yo-yo.

    • You are ever so right! Right about being single vs being involved with a disaster/loser and right about how they can jump in and out of your life like a yo-yo. Before the ability to text and IM, it was more uncomfortable for guys to keep a tenuous connection with a girl. But texting and IM is so easy and impersonal and really allows people to say and do things they could never do in a phone call or in person, that the weirdest dating behaviors are created.

    • Well he got a bit offended when I told him that not having time was not a good excuse and eventually told me that I was behaving standoffish and sending out signals that screamed "leave me alone". why he couldn't have said that in the first place I don't know, since if I'd known that I could have apologised and explained my behaviour. But it just turned into and aggressive text argument and I later calmed it down but you know...why can't people just be honest?

    • Thumbs up to vmw2008 for a good answer. I might have written something like this if I wasn't so p*ssed off from reading an endless string of "hard to get" stories. (See comment above.)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • Argh, yet another "guys need to chase you" story. My advice is to...

    You know what? Fuck it. Since you like him, don't talk to him. Blow him off and make him chase you. That way if he's a decent human being (at least when sober), you'll never speak to him again. If he's really desperate or a total douchebag who can't take "no" for an answer, he'll chase after you. By taking your friends' advice, you can guarantee that you'll only date desperate and/or douchey guys for the rest of your life.

    Good hunting.

    • So true. (I hope people can see your being sarcastic though)

    • Yeah, sorry for the snarky tone. I just read about a dozen "hard to get" stories in a row, couldn't take any more, and kind of took out my frustration on Anonymous here. Oops :)

    • Hahaha I feel your pain! hahaha

  • Or he gave up because you wasn't a typical slut that he thought you was when he met you in the club and probably barely remembered who you was.

    Sounds like a whole lot of drink and an early quitter because he can get his nap partner easier elsewhere, if you went home with him the night in the club and was easy with him he wouldn't have texted you or bothered to chase at all, he thought he was on a promise, you didn't give it up to him early enough and he quit on you, why do you care why anymore.

    A guy who likes you makes any opportunity to see you within reason and actually becomes scared of scaring you off by being too clingy but they don't just slobber all over you one night p*ssed up then give up chasing when you clearly gave him a chance to get to know each other.

    Sounds like a guy who likes the slappers to me hun' save your time for a worthy guy who will make an effort to get to know you and knock just to stick his tongue down your throat and run away when you turn him down.

  • nicely done but the guy prob wasn't all that into you it seems he was just looking to get laid especially if he just gave you a kiss on the cheek at the end of the date the next day and at the bar he would of got on his hands and knees for some. let it go he was just looking for some action sorry to say but every guy and a lot of you ladys pull the same sh*t forget about him that sux he lead you on but that's life cat and mouse! but games aren't fun especially when ur the mouse don't pull the cat on someone just because uve been the mouse at some point pull out the yarn and be above both

  • He probably lost intrest in you because you basically didn't show enough intrest for him to realize it. Know he's probably with another girl that he knows she has more intrest in him.

    Im guessing there probably f***ing right now. LOL AHAHA

  • yeah guys like too chase, but it seems like you were giving of this impression that your strick with your time it becomes a turn off to guys.


What Girls Said 5

  • He obviously had some level of interest in you but not enough to sustain seeing you further, hence the mixed messages with his behavior. However, he may try to contact you again later than you would expect. Or, you may run in to each other and it will start up again. How you have handled yourself is the best. It kept you from being his NSA girl, which is what you wanted. How much worse would that be to write this up and also have the detail that you had sex with him and wasn't hearing from him?

  • showing interest is a great thing it's what gets everything started. if you bumped into him at the club that's the first no no, yea he's interested and thinks your pretty, pretty enuff to f***. you need to find someone that's going to invite you to dinner the next day not the pub. he obviously lives this wacko life and you don't want that for you, you seem like a beautiful bright young girl, so don't settle for less.

  • i think I have the pretty same encouter like yours. but it did not happen in the club. the on and off kind of sms really got on my nerves. till now I'm still not unsure of his feeling on me but I definitely have fallen for him! I'm waiting and thinking what's the next move. I really feel like texting him sometimes but I doubt his feeling for me. At the beginning he really show interest in me but it slow down when I don't really giv it a damn as lik you said, we always try not to give in too easily. but now I think of him everyday, can't get him off my mind. what would you do if you were me? you may read my question posted today for further details. grateful if you could give me a piece of advice

  • humm ...

    Maybe he thinks you are giving him mixed signals too. Not that it is any of your fault... in fact I 100% aggree with the decisions you made regarding hanging out with him. He may think ... well she is willing to hang out with me ... but, why is she blowing me off (which your not ... your just taking care of yourself).

    Maybe ask him outright what he is looking for from you ... AND ask him if he wants to see where it goes.

    Good Luck

  • i mean mayb he's just super busy, I would give it another week and try to txt him again, and if he doesn't answer. then mayb he's just not into you.

    good luck.

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