Guys how do you feel when a woman emotionally outpours on you her feelings about the relationship?

Like if she writes you a long letter saying she's upset you did X Y Z and how that made her feel.

Or even just sits there and tells you what you did that upset her and how upset she is and can't take it anymore etc.

I'm just asking cuz I notice men withdraw when faced with such scenarios. Why? (Women tend to solve problems this way yu see)



Most Helpful Guy

  • Fine with me. I'm no mind reader. I'd hold her hand and she could tell me what the problem is or she can write me a letter / note. I want to please her as much as I can and will change if doable. If I can't change that easy I will still try to move 'some' her way if it is important to her. But...'can't take it anymore' is a turn off.

    If I am losing my gal I feel crushed. If she is thinking that, then there is a big problem and she is borderline dumping me at her earliest convenience if I screw up again. A good relationship should not always being be bordering on 'can't take it anymore.' It should seldom get near that point at all. Good luck!

    • Hey thanks that was very helpful. Maybe you can help me out? I really can't figure out if my guy is emotionally unavailable or just being a guy.

      We are long distance and have been 6 mths- not in an official relationship. We are both really inexperienced with dating.

      we managed to meet up after ages and he screwed up the first day really badly. I became really hurt and angry and felt like he didn't care. Things got worse after that as a result. In hindsight, he did mess up for sure but that was made worse by miscomm etc

      Anw i wrote him a long message telling him how he'd hurt me. I also told him my instinct was to end things unless he could convince me otherwise.

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    • @Asker So you are mad at him because he is a human being and requires sleep in order to be healthy and function properly at things like driving where he could die if he say falls asleep while doing it.

      You are mad that he is a complete human being and has many things in his life other then you and he can't just abandon them all at your whim?

      According to you.. He should risk his life to come see you, be so tiered he can't enjoy his time with you, cancel his plans with everyone else because you are more important then them? And if he won't do this you will be mad and he has to make amends?

      Yeah that's totally reasonable?

    • Jager that's not fair. I don't know if you read everything properly. But we live oceans apart- I'm in Asia. I had one weekend in NYC and that was his only chance in 6 months to see me and me him.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Communication is important and should not thought of otherwise, this is the number one reason relationships fail. Always be honest and open and if they can't respect that, as needed, then find someone who does. That is a great trait to carry and you need someone who is worthy of receiving that, most are not. I myself like to communicate in order to maintain stability and understanding in the relationship. Communication helps us grow as individuals, in which our partner should always be pushing us to grow also. Your doing the right thing in my eyes.

    • Thanks Denton. I thought I was too as well. But friends both male and female have told me that just because I perceive that to be the right way to deal with things doesn't mean it's right for everyone- they say some people get overwhelmed when they feel blamed.

      I understand that but feel he should make an effort to communicate instead of shutting me out.

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    • If you feel like he's emotionally unavailable then I would cut my losses for now and let him come to you when he's ready. Those types don't take well to being open so I wouldn't exert much effort or expect much, if you feel he is like this. I know that's not good news but I just finished dating someone like that and it was an awful and heartbreaking experience.

    • I've been told this. Getting him to talk feels like pulling teeth. Ugh

  • Difficult question. Due to the nature of humanity - everybody reacts differently.

    There is no general answer just personal opinion - I for one do react quiet calm. Trying to understand and work on it as it pours out and then hit the frontal lope of my partner with a pretty compelling force trying to push her off the rails.

    But I also get them back up on them on the way. This seems a good way to calm my partner down. As I said - everyone reacts differently - and everyone needs different strategies...

    • I don't really get what you're saying

    • @eaglette I for one react differently to outpours than most of my friends. I'm a great listener and therapist. But not for everyone.

    • Oh i see. Thanks for your reply. I've commented with my story below. Do you think you could give me your two cents worth based on your understanding of what your friends etc are like? Wld really appreciate it

  • I don't like it. it my history it's just long lists of misunderstandings and overthinking on her part.

    Think long and hard before you actually confront him with things like this, cause it leaves a bad impression if you're wrong.

  • It's good to put it out there and I like that they feel the can talk about it with me so it's good and bad but it's good to do.

    • Even if what she's saying is essentially that you upset her and did stuff wrong?

    • You gotta tell him that otherwise he will continue to do it.

What Girls Said 1

  • I think the reception of this would vary depending on the TYPE of guy. Some are repulsed by such things because it is too emotional and clingy. Others may hold your hand and communicate intimately so that they understand how you feel. You need to discern the type of guy that you have.
    All the best.

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