Telling him I want more - too upfront?

I've been in a string of booty call type relationships recently which have pretty much all ended up with me getting hurt. I met a great new guy who didn't seem like that's what he wanted. We've been talking a lot and texting a lot too. Then he sent me a really flirty text which made me question what his motives are. So I might have overreacted and replied by telling him that if all he's looking is sex he's looking at the wrong girl. I sent this very early today and haven't heard anything since.

Was this a made move? Is there any way to fix this? Or is it best that I was open? Guys, how would you respond if a girl said that to you? Would it be a deal breaker?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Nothing wrong with your motivation. Nothing wrong with being upfront. Though I do think your text came off as fairly aggressive. It would depend on what his text actually said, but it would have to have been pretty explicit to deserve such a harsh reply. If his tone was fun and flirty, then the rebuttal should have been in a more light-hearted tone. If his tone was direct and explicit, then sure, that's an appropriate response. The punishment should fit the crime, as it were.

    A lot of guys are just looking for sex, sure. That is unfortunately true. And it would be incredibly frustrating for you, since you are looking for something else. But you can't tar this guy with the crimes of other guys. You have to judge him on his own behaviour. If he was just being playful, then a 'slow down there tiger' type of reply would be much more appropriate. He could totally be NOT just wanting you for sex, but still be a flirty guy, and that kind of aggressive response could be seen as a turn-off.

    You are right to be apprehensive about a guys motives. You are right to expect a relationship before you become sexually involved with a guy. But there is nothing more frustrating to a guy than being found guilty of other guys' crimes just because you also have a penis. Being open and honest is good. Being upfront is good. But there isn't a need to take an accusational tone if this particular guy hasn't done anything to warrant it.

    How would I respond? It would depend on what I said to make you say that. If I said "I can't wait until I see you next, I'm looking forward to ****ing your brains out all over the kitchen table" and you replied like that, I would be 'whoops, too much, too fast... sorry'. If I said "Looking forward to seeing your sexy smile tonight, it just melts my will away" and you replied like that I would think "wtf... that's a little... harsh..." and it would register as a bit of a 'here be baggage' flag.

    • Thank you for your advice! I probably was a bit harsh as his comment was more flirty than overtly sexual. I explained to him that I do have a bit of baggage and was probably projecting onto him, which he seemed to understand. He wants to see me again at least!

    • You're very welcome. Glad he wants to see you again, that's a good sign after getting that text, as he knows your stance on the matter. I do think you probably projected onto him a bit, but now that you are aware of it it will be easier to step back a little and look at him for him.

      Best of luck :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • You were honest and open. That's never a bad sign. If it's a deal breaker it's BECAUSE that's all he wanted was a booty call. Therefore you don't want him.

  • If he still wants to see you, put some kitty on him on the first date.
    That will keep him off balance and confused.


What Girls Said 2

  • Many of today's toms Do want just that, sweetie, a "Booty call type," which is the kind of girl he would never bring home to mom. And with your bad luck of Their ill manner behavior with these Epic episodes, you are now being cautious by wearing your heart on your sleeve. And I can't say as I blame you.
    If this schmo from Idaho was ending you not even mixed signals, no doubt about it, then you got the sense that he was after more and wanted his cake and eat it too with you... and you let him know it right off the bat that you are someone who Can---Meet the parents.
    Yes, I feel you did the right thing. You let him know that you felt things didn't smell right in Denmark and now he is putting you Not on his list of Babes but Instead, on his pay no mind list.
    By him not "Responding," he got your message and is now abiding by it by not bothering to try and continue playing with a girl who knows this "Type" the best... you have his number..
    Why "Fix this?" He is not worth the glue you would use to put something as Crazy as this little piece of work together. Move on. Mr. Right is waiting somewhere out there, you deserve better, this Joe is history in my book... his Kind is a dime a dozen.
    Good luck. xx

    • sorry,, my bad.. Not wearing your heart on your sleeve.. xx

  • It's never a bad thing to be open and honest which is what you were. You don't want to be a part of that kind of relationship so good for you for making your expectations clear. And if he doesn't respond it's because that's all he wanted and you don't want to be a part of that anyway. Trust me, there are plenty of other guys out there that will appreciate everything you have to offer!