Am I missing out on life? Been single 2 years and met NO guys?

Been single for 2 years now and I have never dated because I married my HS sweetheart. I'm feeling ready but never ever meet guys. Was invited out for Halloween but didn't go as I was tired. I could have met people.

I always was flirted with and had fun when I was in a relationship because I went out with him. I liked the attention of course but never ever did anything nor did I want to.

But now I'm single. Not at all making connections. Never see any guys. I'm 30 soon. Feel like life is passing me by.

What should I do? I joined a meetup group but it only meets once to twice a month. Some nice people but still making baby steps, IF that.

I just want to experience some of the "single life"...

Anyone else? Thanks


Most Helpful Guy

  • You clearly have your life arranged as if you were already in a relationship and everything you need is at home. That might have been true when you were married, but now that you no longer are, you need to realize that you aren't going to meet anyone sitting on your couch at home - you've got to actually GO PLACES, and that may mean adjusting your lifestyle again. Maybe you need to change your sleep patterns or whatever, but you can't just not go out anywhere or not do anything because "you're tired."

    You need to start by making (or choosing) 3 (hopefully single) friends who are completely unconnected to each other, and try to do something with each of them each week. The idea is to meet THEIR circles of friends and get to know them. After a while, you'll start getting invited to things from people in THEIR circles, and you meet second-level circles of friends (likely, you're at more than 100 people at this point). Keep expanding those circles until you start meeting the people you want to meet.

    OR... if you insist on doing most of this from home, set up a QUALITY online profile on OKCupid, Match, eHarmony, etc., be very clear (but realistic) about what you want, and about what you DON'T want, and spend an hour a night reading and responding (asking questions) to the guys who respond. Use that to continue to refine your profile, being more and more specific.

    Either way, YOU have to make an effort if you want to have a social life. It won't come to you on its own, especially if you let yourself put your social life as a low priority, such as not going to that Halloween party.

    • Thank you, this is really some solid advice. It's not so much that I just want to stay in but I've yet to find these single friends that get me out. My friends are in relationships and it's all always "girls night" stuff. Fun, great, but it's just girls.
      Thankfully the Halloween party I came to find out was a bit of a bust anyway, but I understand exactly how these connections work and can help. I feel I have lightyears to go and I'm only a year away from 30, I'm timid in regards to dating sites, really would like to make friends with guys at least but of course that comes with getting out more and socializing more. I hadn't realized how absolute my daily habits were, they really still are that of a married woman and I am in this schedule around work even when I need not be.

    • it's easy to fall into routines, and if you're married or living with your SO, that's fine, but if you're single and looking, then those patterns have to change for you to have any real chance of meeting someone. it's good that you can see that now, and so you know what you need to do.

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What Guys Said 3

  • What I found worked well was an introduction agency, the old-fashioned type that has a physical office, charges fees and gets you in for an interview. The agencies, to at least some degree, vet the people and introduce you to someone who on paper is more likely to be compatible than a random person off the street.
    There is also the added security factor that loons and serial killers would be less likely to use an agency because it would be much easier to connect the dots and find them than if they used a website.
    I have tried various websites. I found that all the ones I tried were scams designed to suck money out of lonely men. Most of the female profiles were fake, the profiles that were genuine were for women who were insane. Also, I received about 200 messages per week (on average) from black men in Ghana and Nigeria who pretended (very badly) to be white women in various parts of the world. A couple of the women with whom I exchanged messages reported that they had received a similar number of messages from black men in Ghana and Nigeria, who pretended very badly to be white men in various parts of the world.
    During conversations with the owners of a couple of the old-style introduction agencies (it was within the context of my work as a journalist) I was told that between the ages of 18 and 35 there are five males to every female on their books, so the women receive a lot of introductions (if they want them). At age 35 that ratio begins to change and by age 40 there are five women to every man. A lot of men become fed up with the entire process of the mating game and walk away after age 40, apparently.

    • I just noticed a couple of incorrect verb tenses in my post. I wish that there was a way to edit these posts once they are up. :-(

    • Thank you

  • A good way to meet people is to take an evening job in a bar. The possibilities then are endless.

  • get out and make things happen, nothing is gona if you stay at home.


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