I hate who I become in relationships =(?

I notice that when I'm single I'm fine emotionally for the most part.. I'm busy with school, going out with friends, hobbies, etc. Once I start dating & meet a guy I like, I start obsessing over our dates or why he hasn't texted/called me back in x many days after a date, and it makes me miserable. And once I'm in an actual relationship I start getting paranoid when he goes out w/friends for a long period of time, when he doesn't text back within x amount of time, if he seems distant, etc. I don't know what's wrong with me & I'm starting to think i need to talk to a professional.. I really hate who I become and I can't seem to stop myself. How can I just stop worrying all these stupid little things and enjoy myself in dating/relationships?


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What Guys Said 1

  • First of all, I think it's really positive that you recognize your engaging in behavior that you don't like. The next step is to really try to examine yourself and your specific behavior in response to certain triggers: for example, if you realize that when you don't receive a text say in 10 minutes you start to freak, well then there's an opportunity to change behavior but forcing yourself to wait say an hour or even just decide to simply not text again and to hear a response. When I began dating in earnest I realize that I needed to establish the rules for myself so that I could respect myself. For example, onerule for me is that I ask someone out and they say they're busy or can't go but they do not suggest another day or another time, I leave it up to them and do not offer an alternative. Sometimes it's as simple as if I text someone three times and you don't respond I don't text again. I mean look at it this way, at the end of the day you want people to do what they want to do. You want someone to be with you but you also want them to want to be with you. If you texted the guy and he simply did not respond ever that is information about how he feels about you. It may not be the answer you like but unpleasant information is still information. Identify the triggers and identify the behavior and start breaking those connections. Once you start, I think you will find it's not as hard as you think it will be


What Girls Said 1

  • This sounds like you have lack of confidence and have some insecurities to get resolved. There are reasons for this and it's up to you to figure them out:)