Persue her or not (Do I have a chance with her)?

Hi. Please, I need all the input I can get. Especially from the ladies.

I work as a bartender in a really nice bar in Liverpool. I love working there becuase of the place, the colleagues and the custumers.

I fell in love with a woman. We have a click with but she keeps me at a distance. She texts me every day but does not want to date me or even let me call her. She says she finds me a dangerous man. I know she was in an abusive relationship. Other guys hit on her but when they get touchy she walks away from them. She avoided guys when we were still close. Girls ask me if she is my girlfriend (becuase of her behaviour). I thought i was in the friend zone but: She talks to my colleagues all the time about me. She stares at me a lot (so my colleagues say). She gets jealous of the other girls talking to me. She loves me jokes.

We got into an argument we stopped talking all together. She still tries to make eye contact with me but she has competely changed. She's now letting guys touch her and she touches them back. They are in each others arms most of the night. She comes so close to them that they almost touch lips. When they try to kiss her she walks away from them. Every day a different guy. Except for one guy. I can tell he means more to her but she also walks away from him when he tries to kiss her. And it's almost like she makes sure i can see it. My colleagues tell me if they move to an area where I can't see it there is less touching.

I don't know what to do. I am trully suffering for months now because I care for her deeply. I want to forget her but it is so hard to do that while having to see this two to three times a week. I work there so I cannot escape it. I try to not see it but that is not working.

They way I see it these are my only options.
1) Change my job (but i love working there)
2) Make her mine.
3) See other girls (but I seldom see girls I like)

What do guys think? And if I should persue her how should I handle this?

I want to add. How can can I get over this if I see her every week.
Some time ago she was on vacation so I didn't see her for 2 weeks. I felt better. But when she came back it all started again. How can I put this out my mind? Or at least deflect her actions. It's almost like she punishes me on purpose because she has so drastically changed from the moment we stopped speaking.
I wanted to update you guys. I saw her Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Each time day with a different guy. At the end of Friday night the guy she met came over just to tell me how great she was. It was like a bullet through my heart. From the way he told me I could tell that it was her idea. But she did not kiss him and the next day she had another guy that she didn't kiss.

This woman lost my respect. I talked to the manager, booked a vacation to recover and i will put it all behind me.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Keep away , sounds to me she has been so hurt that she is out to play games with guys by making them want her, then turning them down so they feel the hurt she is feeling, she will probably punish every guy she meets for the wrong doing of her ex, the only way to deal with it, is to think about the awful relationship you would have with her, in the long term she would hurt you so bad emotionally, its better to put up with the short term pain now by letting her go, than the long term agony she would put you through, she hasn't dealt with her hurt and hate from her ex, so hasn't healed yet, so in no way would she treat you nice, she is already showing disregard for your feelings and has a lack of respect for men in general,

    • Thank you. You are making an excellent point. Do you maybe think that our fight might have hurt her as well? Because she changed much from then on.
      It breaks my heart even more to know that she has been going through all of this and that it still hasn't resolved. I really want her to be happy even if it isn't with me.

    • Show All
    • Sorry to bother you but there is still something I really would like to know. Tonight I'm most likely gonna see her. If not it will be Friday and Saturday. The closer it gets to that point the more my chest starts to hurt.

      I will not persue her anymore but I still would like to know if my fight with her started it. She tried to hide it but I know her well enough to know that I had hurt her feelings by stepping away from her physically and emotionally. It hurt me very much too but I had to. It happened on a Thursday and the Friday after she had completely changed. And the more I try to pretend not to be bothered by her actions the more she turns on the heat with these guys.

      Do you think that was it?

    • aw its no bother , i will try and help anytime! yes, i think she probably deliberately doing it to try to hurt you cos of the fight. A persons actions tell you everything you need to know. She is probably destroyed emotionally, She will probably hurt others, and yourself before they/you get a chance to hurt her, This is a defense mechanism. cos she won't trust guys at all. It isn't her fault though, It doesn't mean she isn't a nice person, life has taught her to be that way. She will expect every guy she meets to hurt her in someway. To be honest I wish I knew her, to try help her to be able to accept her past, and respond differently towards. You could try to remain friends, but it might be too painful for you, if you care for her as much as you do.

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 1

  • She's playing games with you from reading this even if you're on that radar. Don't play that game and look for other women otherwise it's going to kill you dude since you just mentioned you're suffering.

    Let her come to you and see for herself that you aren't the "dangerous guy" you claim to be, and that you don't play that bullshit game. Just my 2 cents.

    • I am far from a dangerous guy but i think she refuses to see that. Deep down she must know that. Not playing the game is good. But it is still hurting me. How can I stop that?

    • Like I said, socialize with other women. This will help you in both ways in such that you're moving on if things don't workout with her and lets her know that which is important.

      She can either get over it then approach to you if she's ready to stop playing games and date you or continue with that nonsense but by the time you will have move on.

      Pursuing her is an awful choice but hey it's up to you.

    • Thank you. And yes, I will let this go.