What's the real reason he won't commit?

in your experience guys, what's the real reason a guy won't commit to a girl? he (and his friends) think I'm gorgeous, he's tried at it multiple times, had bad relationship experience (just one relationship), we have meaningful conversations and he tells me I'm smart and ambitious and he admires it very much, asks about my jobs, internships, education, traveling and asks about how things are with the family, friends. pays for dinner, drives me home. when I look away and turn back again, his eyes are locked on me. he holds my hand, but the idiot doesn't understand relationships and thinks it will waste his youth wtf. please try to help me understand. he gets very uncomfortable if other guys are mentioned. tell me he really likes me, could love me, really cares for me. what is up.

  • he doesn't like you enough
    Vote A
  • he's getting enough of what he wants without committing
    Vote B
  • sounds like he wants to but he isn't ready
    Vote C
Select a gender to cast your vote:
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right now by the way I've cut it off because I don't like the lack of commitment and I blocked his number. I told him I still cared for him, but I had to do it. he's the type that comes back, but I don't know if he'd come back this time for the right reasons. he god damn knows what I want.
I'd like to stress again that he does treat me well, we really do care about each other, and it's not because he can't see a relationship happening, but he can't do it right now and right now that's what I want, so there you have it. I don't want it to be over, I don't plan on never talking to him again, but it was just too frustrating the way it was, I didn't feel like a priority.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Girls look for Mr Right; guys look for Mrs Right Now. A guy can completely commit to a girl while simultaneously having no intention of marrying her, and even know before asking her to be his, that his term of commitment may only be a few weeks, to a year or two. Why? Because he wants a relationship, and she fits best, right now, but he's realistic in the fact that they will both grow and change, and she probably won't fit into his future, so he'll enjoy what he can with her right now.

    He MIGHT be afraid due to past experience, or just not ready, but trying to force it will only chase him far away.

    This "idiot", as you called him, is sparing you both that pain of that eventual break-up, and he's also trying to give you both some great memories, so just try to enjoy it while you can, or cut ties with him. Patience might win him over and get him to commit eventually, IF he feels safe with you.

    • we've been on and off this for four years (he comes back, not me, it's happened twice), but I have pushed him, and that's why I ended it this time, but not with the intent of never seeing him again.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Generally means the guy feels like there's some kind of fulfilment in being with more girls in his lifetime than just the one... I personally don't understand why 'variation' is important at all. I doubt there is often a truly deep meaning to it, usually it's about getting laid.

    • you mean he only cares about having sex with me?

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    • Well why doesn't he just commit then? You want this to work and i'm sure he knows that... which does nothing but beg the question why is he essentially leading you on?

    • I have no idea! he gets really upset if I tell him I'll never talk to him again, or to never call me again, I feel like that could mean he just can't do it right now?

  • Sooo.. many... reasons... but lets focus on your description shall we?
    and by commit, do you mean put labels/titles on whatever it is you guys have going on? because i don't see a mention of that, just activities and observations. is that what you mean?

    • yeah, like boyfriend/girlfriend

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    • thanks for being so helpful, but I can't help but feel strange having sex with some one when it's not defined what we're doing... that was another thing he said, that he "couldn't define it" even though I really, really like having sex with him. I kind of wish I didn't so I could withhold that and make it more of an I'm here for you/you're here for me type relationship until he's ready for more. I'm unsure if he thinks I'm "easy" or something, you know? he's known me for years and I have never gone through a phase of like hooking up with a bunch of guys, but I don't know.

    • if he has known you for a while then just be a little bit more patient. and you are welcome.

  • Have you voiced your concerns?

    • I have and he says he can't do it right now

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    • what do you mean? i thought you wanted a back story?

    • Lol yes I did but I'm getting annoyed because this site keep crashing and I had to write my answer 3 times because when I it the submit button, it'll crash on me. So I was wondering if you wanted to talk in a different way (Fb, DM, ig, anything besides this)

What Girls Said 4

  • He won't commit because he is not ready.. there's nothing wrong with you.. there's something within him..
    Might be he has strong commitment to himself first before committing to relt'p to be able to feel secure like maybe a good job or fulfilling career, or any goal for himself and this takes time...
    You are ready and he is not ready to commit, its either you must have long patience to wait and understand him.. or let him go and find another who is in same level with you that is ready for commitment..

    • thanks, I know there are things going on in his life that are confusing, it's very unconventional because he's a musician in a band so yeah things can get tough

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    • He has told me I stress him out so I guess that kind of answers your question lol

    • Well there you go... maybe let him do what he wants and do your thing too 'til he will be ready.. unless you want to move on and find a man that's ready to commit with you :).

  • I know how frustrating it is. I'm in a similar situation. I've asked my BF numerous times about commitment, both directly and indirectly, but I think for some its about achieving success, having a sense of accomplishment before getting married.

    • ya woah though we are far from any kind of marriage talk, I hope that's not what he's thinking lol

  • I voted B, that he's getting enough without having to commit. But then again, so aren't you? You're being treated well by a guy, relationship or not. I'd say it's a non-platonic friendship. Guys just like to be controlling, on the side note.

    • which is why I dumped him, told him I still care about him, then blocked his number. He told me the reason wasn't because he couldn't see it happening, but he couldn't right now, and fuck that.

  • Been there. Don't settle. You don't have to compromise on an exclusive relationship. Simple.

    • if you read the details, this situation is really complex. he feels like he lost his youth to an 8 year relationship, and he just turned 24. soooo it's more complicated than that. I feel like if he could be in a relationship with me he could, but he's been through too much. I'm just trying to figure out now what I can or can't do about that.

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    • So? It doesn't matter what his reasons are. My point is if YOU want an exclusive relationship and he does NOT, there is no need for you to compromise

    • If you choose to wait it out and give him a chance that's fine, but keep in mind he may never be exclusive with you.