He won't commit yet dumped me for bringing it up?

I've been seeing a guy for a month now and from the beginning he made it clear how interested he was in me. He did cute things for me and always sent sweet texts. Since the fourth date he's been acting distant and giving mixed signals. I basically feel like his friend he wants to have sex with. I don't feel as much of an emotional connection. We had sex the fourth date which is way too early for me so we haven't done it since. I told him and he said he has walls up and doesn't mean to act that way. We have seen each other since and nothing has really changed.

I told him tonight to decide wether I'm his girlfriend or a friend since he's giving so many mixed signals. I don't want to waste my energy on someone who sees me as a friend. He told me he likes me and he wants me in his life. He never asked me to be his girlfriend yet. I told him if he wants to be friends he can't be mad if I date other men because I have someone asking to take me out next week. He broke it off with me saying I broke his trust because I already have other guys lined up.

I have techincally been single this whole time since he never asked me to be exclusive yet I've been totally faithful and done nothing to make him not trust me. I was just trying to make a point that if I'm just his friend he can't have the benefits he has had with me. He hasn't officially committed now he's mad and won't speak to me saying he's done. I mean if he really liked me as much as he said he would have made it exclusive already anyway right?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd imagine he's upset that you would so quickly discard what you guys had. He may have been playing it slow and then this happens and he felt threatened. I'm not saying it's justified; he sounds a bit narcissistic. But he probably really likes you and is quite hurt by it and is in major defense mode, cloaked in "righteous anger".

    What you did isn't wrong. But I can definitely see why it hurt him. If he's worth it give him a day then slowly start talking to him again, take his anger for a couple days, and try to move forward.

    Good luck :)


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What Guys Said 1

  • why are you writing this go tell him that. asap

    • I did and he won't talk to me now he's convinced I have guys lined up and not trustworthy now

    • hen he was never worth your time in the fist place

What Girls Said 1

  • The fourth date is often too early for some people to decide if they want to call you their girlfriend/boyfriend. He wanted to stay in the in-between, just dating stage for a while longer. Not friends, but not a couple. When you said you'd date other men, though, since you guys aren't committed, I guess he wasn't okay with that. He didn't dump you for bringing up commitment, he did it because he's not cool with seeing someone who's also seeing other people. Some people are fine with that, some aren't.