23 years with a very negative perspective on dating. I need help either overcoming this?

I am only 23 and I have already gotten to a point in life where I have given up on dating. Now I have several reason why 1) obviously cause I have the case of “that one guy who screwed me over” 2) because I’ve never known what it truly feels like to be chased by someone and feel truly desired, I feel that most guys just view me as just another pretty girl, not anything special that they want to pursue and 3) because I’ve crushed, chased, flirted, dated many guys in the past who all in the end either stopped liking me, weren’t looking for anything serious, liked me back but not enough to date me, or were just straight up jerks all resulting in me feeling totally and completely rejected and not-wanted. The way I view relationships is, I’m not gonna lie, pretty messed up. When I see couples I constantly think in my head, “What’s the point? You’re gonna cheat on each other anyways? Do you guys actually really like each other or are you with each other cause you need companion? How can she love HIM? Or how can he love HER? I’ll never find someone like that! I’ll never be happy”. Yup I know very negative and even bitter. I wanna stop feeling like this! I wanna stop being so cold and distant from men. I sometimes get approached by guys and just think to myself “What is he doing? Does he actually want ME? Someone likes ME?”. “That one relationship”, which was my most recent one, ended about 2 years ago so it’s not really current but I’m definitely guarded and careful. I still hear some of the things my ex said to me echo in my head “No one will ever like you! No one will ever put up with you! You’re gonna be alone forever” and I remember at the time when he said them I just laughed but now I’m fearing that it’s gonna come true and I’m not gonna lie the fear of going through another messed up relationship like that holds me back, I don’t need that kind of stress in my life. I just want something healthy and stable but it just seems like it’s not gonna happen for me.


Most Helpful Guy

  • This makes me sad :'(

    I think you know what is happening here, but ur giving in to it. You are fighting with urself by knowing all relationships are not bad but ur letting one relationship you had, kill it for you. I think ur a smart girl and u know better than that.
    You had a bad experience with one guy. So let it be one guy. He wasn't good for you, as you know, and now he's gone - so let it go! You can't carry it around with you allowing it to be all relationships.
    Everybody has a relationship that didn't work for them (I've had a few that totally sucked!). There will be others that will work - it's really just a numbers game.
    He told you that nobody will want to be with you and you laughed it off. You were right to laugh it off. You already know that. His words were spiteful just for his gain, nothing more. There is no truth in it and how can he possibly know ur future?

    Points 2 & 3 are invalid anyway, and ur being unfair to urself by including them in ur 'list'. They are invalid coz ur just 23! That's no age at all. Seriously, you've hardly had enough time in life to even include 2 & 3. Stop being so hard on urself and give it time. It will happen.

    On the positive side, it's nice to see you are already on the road to freeing yourself of the negative attitude about relationships, just by acknowledging it and doing something about it, otherwise you are destined to fail in a relationship by going into it expecting failure. Seriously, its not like that. Ur man will find you and steal ur heart.. then ur in trouble !! ;)

    Keep smiling, don't give up and don't let one guy ruin ur future happiness!


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What Guys Said 3

  • Hey, I'm 28. I never dated anyone before, cause I'm a shy MF. At least what I was taught girls don't like that.

  • im a shyguy but pretty talkative if u get along with... seeing this makes me feel like... why would any men would not go for this woman...

    hopefully that special will come to your life soon that will cherish you forever and would wake up everyday saying how he loves you...

    take care :)

  • Your 23, you are reaching the time of life when long term relationships are made. All of your experience comes from a time of life were people are not ready for long term commitments.

    • Exactly, I keep asking myself isn't it about time for it to happen for me? Don't I deserve to be happy after all of these years of misery? And for some reason it's just not happening.

    • Your not that old. And if you want it to happen you need to make it happen. Do not wait for a guy to chase you. Seek out men not boys. Those who are stable and responsible.

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