I am extremely reserved (not shy but reserved) & maybe even a little aloof when it comes to the opposite sex. I need some dating advice and opinions?

I have absolutely no problem casually talking w/ the opposite sex but when it comes to flirting or body language I just dont know how to do it. I consider myself an attractive girl; I notice that men show me attention but I never know how to respond. I believe Im pretty good at reading the body language of the opposite sex & the signals that are given, and for the most part when I see that men are giving me attention, I guess I like it, it makes me feel good but its as if my dad or my grandpa is giving me attention. Its nothing magical & special. I really see it as if my male cousin is telling me Im pretty. I didn't used to be like this, up until about 2 years ago I used to signal back but then I changed. Now I see the idea of signaling or flirting as desperation and being too eager, easy or available. Now, this mindset has led me into becoming kind of a distant & aloof individual where I dont even look into the eyes of the opposite sex & sort of treat them as if theyre someone of the same sex or if theyre my male-cousin or something lol. A part of me enjoys this freedom of not having to stress over a guy about whether he's into me or why he hasn't texted me or talked to me, it sure feels good to go though my day & not have to worry about this stuff but then another part of me so badly wants all of those things, I miss the feeling of getting excited to get a text or call from someone Im crushing on but like I said I have just lost my drive & motivation to even want to date. Somedays I dont see myself deserving of a boyfriend, somedays I think Im too good to settle down with just any man, & then other days I get lonely and ask myself “Why are u like this? Why are u so negative?”. Im very happy with everything else in my life, this is the only that I have always struggled with and for the past 2 years I've been alone and single and have completely lost touch with my inner femininity. Im 23 & I honestly feel like a bitter 55 year woman who has gone through menopause.


Most Helpful Guy

  • haha don't worry most girls get like that when they reach your age. mostly because you are getting near the average marrying age so now you want everything to be just right and if it's not then you don't feel interested


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  • What happened two years ago that made you change?

    • I got out of a really really BAD and unhealthy relationship where I was a punching bag (emotionally) and constantly rejected for 2 years straight by this person that I was absolutely in love with who I thought I was going to marry. Well we ended things, and once we did, I was extremely vulnerable and I didn't take enough time to start dating again and just jumped right back into within a couple of months when I clearly needed more time, and that all led to more rejection, guys telling me they didn't wanna be with me, or they'd just stop talking to me and it was mainly because i was a mess!! So I stopped trying to date and I told myself I'm NEVER gonna be that weak for a man again and I think that I trained myself to think that way but I might have taken it too far. I'm definitely not hurt anymore and I've moved on from that whole situation but I just can't get out of this mindset. I have trained myself to avoid situations that could lead to possible rejection.

    • I feel for you. Nasty relations are not fun. And maybe you aren't hurt anymore, but you still carry that bad relationship stuff around in your head. Do you think that you may be a little scared to try again?