He keeps trying to come back even though he's not ready for a relationship?

he's having a really hard time dealing with a break up 71/2 years that started in high school, but we saw each other for a while, I broke it off, he tried to come back and still couldn't give me definitive answers so I broke it off, now he called and texted so I finally gave in and saw him a few times (no sex) and it seemed like everything was great until the topic of commitment came up and he just doesn't know and is very unsure and gets very frustrated almost to the point of angry talking about it, even though he apologizes for his anger, his doubt in himself I think frustrates him. so So I told him again I can't do this, I wish you the best, I care about you (he told me he could see himself falling in love with me) but I don't know what else to do. I blocked his number because he has called a few times late at night really sad, missing me. I really don't know what to do, why does he come back when he still can't commit? I know a lot of you will say it's sex, but he always stresses that we don't have to do that (but it's really great sex), he just wants to see me. why doesn't he just get a different girl?

  • can't get over you, keeps thinking he can make it work
    Vote A
  • continues to want to see if he can get you to fuck him again
    Vote B
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how long should you not be official with some one before it's ok to ask for commitment? I feel like maybe I've pressured him too early, too often, he says I "stress him out"
I really want him in my life so this hurts, I don't know who to make it work


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  • I think he's being honest about everything he's saying, BUT that doesn't mean your needs don't matter. The fact is, his past relationship was keeping him from committing again. It could either be from a fear of getting hurt, or maybe he's just sick of being in a relationship and wants to be a single man. Whatever the reason, don't beat yourself up or think you made the wrong decision. You made absolutely the right one; One too many girls are afraid to make because they're so desperate for love they'll take any scraps a guy will throw at her.

    The guy obviously likes you and wants to have you in his life, but he doesn't want to make a commitment to you and only you.

    Let that sink in. It doesn't mean he's lied about how he feels about you, but it does mean that, for whatever reason, he is not interested in making you his one and only. I'm sure it does "stress him out." Because he wants to keep dating you and having sex with you and having you in his life without being committed to anybody. You bringing it up puts him on the spot, and he knows that he'll have to be honest with you, and you'll walk away. That would stress me out too if I couldn't have my way.

    • so if he tried to come back again I have to do the same thing? I feel like maybe I just don't give him enough time, or maybe he hasn't had enough time to get over his own thing. it was huge for him, it was 7 1/2 years and the only girl he ever dated. I want to be with him but I just don't know how I can because I have no way of knowing when he's ready, but I know putting pressure on him stresses him out. I don't think he was seeing anyone else.

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    • I doubt he would do something like all of a sudden start actually dating another girl, because I don't think the reason he's not dating me is me, I think it's him. I think if he could be with me he would. why else would he try so hard? he can hook up with other girls, guys want variety anyway don't they? I think there's a reason he tries to come back to me, and no I don't make it easy. he had to call all summer for me to answer him. I think this situation is more complicated than the way you make it sound.

    • I wasn't at all implying that he didn't care for you and like you more than other girls. That's why I said I don't think he's lying to you. I know right now you're hooked on him so it'll be hard to see until later. But the fact of the matter is, if he wanted to commit, he would. He simply doesn't. Not necessarily that it's you in particular, but he doesn't want to commit right now. So you need to ask yourself if you can put up with giving him all that he needs, and not getting what you need in return.

  • He probably does genuinely like you, it's not just about sex, but he's not ready to commit - to anyone. He'd rather keep things as they are. Possibly indefinitely. Why doesn't he get with another girl? Because he does like you, and is attracted to you, and it's harder and more work to start all over again with a different girl. Why do that when he might be able to convince you to stay in this arrangement? Maybe if another equally cool and attractive girl landed in his lap and was down for casually dating, he'd go with her, but that's not likely to happen.

    Stick to your guns. If you want a committed relationship, don't continue seeing someone who doesn't.

    • I would if I felt like I was getting enough out of it, which so far I haven't felt that way, but he seems to change his mind a lot to I don't know to I don't have definite answers he's just confused and then I think I make it worse by "stressing him out"

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    • It's not because of you. If I were you and wanted a serious, committed relationship, I'd tell him that I understand where he's coming from, but I'm looking for something more serious, so I don't think we're going to work out. When you said - "So I told him again I can't do this, I wish you the best, I care about you (he told me he could see himself falling in love with me) but I don't know what else to do." I think that was the right choice. I'd leave it at that.

    • I guess I just wish I could do it because I really miss him a lot, and part of me wonders why I even need a serious committed relationship at this point in my life, I feel like almost as a female I am programmed to need that title.

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