Does the whole being a nice guy thing ever work?

Alright, so I consider myself nice, sometimes too nice. I have a lot of female friends but have only had one relationship in nearly 3 years. So, does the whole being nice thing ever help your case when you're looking to find someone to date and have fun with? I'd like any input on this.

  • Yes (please explain)
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  • No (please explain)
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Interesting post, and I see a lot of these "nice guy" questions quite often. I will give you my humble opinion here.

    The typical "nice guy" - This is the guy who lacks boundaries with women. He is too quick and willing to bend over backwards for almost any woman who will give him the time of day. He will pay for all kinds of expensive dates, buy flowers, text you really early in the AM thinking he is being nice and not creepy. He will pretty much do anything and everything a woman asks and more all the while thinking he is scoring points when in reality he is only sacrificing his masculinity and therefore a HUGE turnoff to most women. Basically the type of guy who will neuter himself and give his testicles to the woman for her to carry around in her purse. . And you will often find him asking questions here like "why do I keep getting friend zoned?"

    Then you have the "asshole" - This guy was either once the "nice guy" who finally learned what he was doing was not working and is now over-compensating. Or the guy who has just figured out how to play the game to his advantage early on. And this one usually has a lot more luck (at least getting laid) than the "nice guy." This is because he is seen as far more challenging, more intriguing, more rare, and just far less of a pushover which almost just always kills attraction instantly.

    Then you have the real winner - This guy is in fact a good person. He has morals, standards, ethics, and gives respect and offers privilege when it is earned and warranted and not just to anyone who gives him the time of day. Since he does possess these qualities, he sometimes get confused with the "asshole." And sometimes maybe even the "nice guy." But he knows who he is and does not let this define him.

    In summary, being nice is not a bad thing. Except when you are being the "nice guy" in paragraph one. That guy is using "nice" as a tool and will be treated as such.

    Anywhoo thats my perspective my friend, hope it helps !

    • ^this guy knows what he is talking about, it's good to be a nice guy... But don't go around doing everything for us, bending yourself backwards just to please us - that will get you instantly friendzoned

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    • I'll just say that I used to be pretty damn similar to the "nice guy" in paragraph one. I like to think that I have matured over the past few years into being less of a pushover. To be honest the fluttering of eye lashes and pleeeaaassseee doesn't work on me anymore. So I hope that I am being seen more as the guy in paragraph three now that I have changed a bit. Anyways thanks for the Opinion and Congrats on the MHO.

    • Of course anytime and thanks man, I appreciate that.

      Glad to hear you are learning how not to be the "nice guy." And considering that you are recognizing such things at such an extremely young age, I think you are very much ahead of the game. It's not easy letting old habits die, but it makes room for the new and better ones. And the farther you get down this road the easier it gets, because ironically enough you will see that you will get the results that you were seeking when you were being the "nice guy."

      Happy to know my opinion helped and best of luck.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 6

  • Nice opens the door to the house.
    All the other doors, including the bedroom, are more complicated.
    Physical appearance, personality, and overall chemistry create a confusing mixture of formulae that can only be understood by trial and error.
    It is what makes us all unique, and interesting.
    I like smart guys that are capable of twisting my mind a bit.

    Bad boys don't ever get in the doors except to the bad girls.
    They deserve one another.

  • Yes , i honestly think being a nice guy can work. But i don't think you should be overly nice. If that makes since. It could lead you into being friendzoned only if you don't show signs of being interested in the female. But for me , i like nice guys. Its better than being with a total jerk.

  • ok, so here's the thing. you can't be SO nice that you'll friendzone yourself, and yes, that does happen. but don't be a douche/jerk/loser/whatever other names girls like me wil lcall you if you play the player card or hard to get card.

    being nice doesn't cost anyhting but will get you so much in return, obviously there's a line where you can't be so nice that you're a pushover. but be a nice guy, be nice and courteous to girls, that's attractive, i PROMISE YOU THAT. LOL, i've dealt with way too many douchebags that when a guy acts nice towards me i find that an instant attraction.

  • I am a girl and I am in the same boat as you. I am 21 and I have been in 1 relationship. I never understood why my friends were going on dates while I wasn't. Just like you I questioned if I should change who I was and become a more sexually forthcoming than I am comfortable with. But in this last year I have learned that I don't have to change who I am, but rather I needed to step out of my comfort zone and approach things differently

    This is what I have learned.
    Think about who you like and why you like them. You are way more likely to find a person who returns your feelings if that person has similar interests to you. Don't fall into the trap of liking girls just because of how pretty they are, you will never create a bond with that.

    Don't be too shy. I could never understand why guys would come up to my friends and not me. What I didn't realize was that my friends were giving the guys subtle hints that they were attracted to them before they would walk over. So don't be afraid to hold eye contact with a girl or a little smile to let them know you are interested and keep your eyes open for those same signs.

    Go to places where you will meet girls. No wonder I wasn't meeting any guys, I was doing homework all the time and when I did go out it was with large and unapproachable group of girls. Great places to meet girls, school, a coffee shop, an event for your favorite thing or a club meeting. Meeting girls is always easier outside of your room, and at when you aren't surrounded by too many friends.

    These changes have really helped me meet guys.

    Here are some tips on how to win a girls heart.
    Listen to girls when they talk and respond thoughtfully to what they say. You would be surprised by how many guys don't do this.
    Act like a gentleman. Hold open doors and say please and thank you.
    Put a little effort into your appearance. Nothing huge, just shower, and stay clear of joke shirts and fedoras.
    Be nice to their friends and family.

    • If what you said is true then I suppose I'll eventually find my way into someone's heart that I feel the same way about. You pretty much described how I treat my best friends ( the female ones).

  • It does for me as long as I find him attractive, the nice guy act which I would hope is not an act definitely works as long as he isn't too nice to the point where he lets me or other people walk over him.

  • Maybe you haven't yet met the person who you're going to be most compatible with... I think being nice works, and one day, hopefully, your kindness will win over the right girl because tbh if you're not nice then what do you really get out of life?


What Guys Said 7

  • Yep. Being nice goes down well once you get past the teen girls who all want 'bad boys' and 'more mature' partners. Once they grow up a bit, they will be looking for 'nice guys'. The trick is not becoming an arse in the meantime.

    ... Also remember that 'nice' needs to still have enough confidence (or raw good looks) to get noticed, a sense of humour, and being comfortable with your self. Embrace thy self, abandon the nuerosis, and become pragmatic about rommance, and all will be well.

  • Yes, you need to take it outside the country you are from to be appreciated and get top grade women.

    If you are from the states the women will go out with bad boys when they are tired of being screwed over to the point that they are so damaged, then they come running to you. Or, go to a different country and the women will jump over hoops to find a good guy.

  • Stop friendOning yourself, and it will get easier.

  • Clicked A just to see results jsuk.

  • Yes, it works quite well with the women it's worth being with.

  • You can be nice to them, you just can't be interested in them. They will only want you if they can't have you.

  • Yes, it does. The thing is that it has to be genuine and you have to be more than just kindhearted in theory. People who volunteer are much more likely to get dates ( who vibe with them than those who sit around with a smile on their face waiting for someone to notice that they are nice.

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