Can I get my friends with benefits back? He seems to be fed up with me for some reason?

So my friends with benefits doesn't seem to want to continue, we began as normal dating, he then went through my phone (hello insecurity) and discovered I was in a relationship (my bf and I are in an open relationship), he was mad, but we continued a sexual relationship. we stopped all communication eventually and my bf and I became engaged. He returned to my life where we once again began a sexual relationship, on and off. We were recently on again where i told him I was going on a trip to Europe to clear my head about what I wanted as this was all beginning to get too much and I wasn't sure about getting married. He said before I left that he doesn't see the benefit to him if I stay in my relationship and would stop if I didn't leave, accompanied with saying he doesn't care about me anymore than anyone else in his life. while I was away we had a fight (It had been quite a volatile relationship) and I didn't leave my fiancée. Since then he has said we should stop seeing each other and wished me well. I've texted a few times with no response. Could I get him back? And why did he stop? I mean sex and no commitment that's all he kept saying he wanted..


Most Helpful Guy

  • So you're naturally not a monogamous person. Neither is your bf. So what's the point in getting married? You obviously don't want to settle down. My guess is that your biological clock is ticking, and you're only getting married cause you think this guy would make a good father and provider for your kids, but then the infidelity will become a problem (it always is), and you'll get divorced in the end anyway, and you'll be left as a single mom, aka football mom or MILF trying to work a job and raise kids and find a man at the same time. Is that what you want? My $0.02 is you have to choose between a monogamous marriage and living in your poly-amorous fantasy land.

    • That's a great answer, and thanks for the insight, but I'm only 23, children isn't high on my wish list and has only been discussed now that we are engaged. Truth is my fiancée is my best friend, I have never gotten along with anyone like I do him, and our relationship is by far the easiest one I have ever experienced, I could experience everything in life with him, since we got engaged he has been completely faithful. My issue, I suppose, has been the attraction to the other man. I want him too, but it is quite greedy I can see that. Perhaps living poly-amorous is a fantasy, I just assumed men wouldn't mind, particularly with how this guy mentioned that I didn't mean much to him and that he implied having other lovers also.

    • I don't think you're being 'greedy' per se. The big question is what you really need to be sexually satisfied... I'm guessing that you have a fetish that your fiancee either doesn't know about or hasn't really been fulfilling for you.. It would really pay well for you to train your finacee on how to give you what you need. This can take time to fine tune, but it is definitely worth the time and effort. If you can't teach your fiancee everything he needs to know to satisfy you sexually, then this is going to create big problems for you down the track, so you need to be totally open with him about your sexual needs, and maybe even engage a sexual councellor: these professionals exist because lack of sexual satisfaction is the #1 cause of marriage breakdown, and they really can help save relationships. When you need to try something new, please at least give your fiancee the opportunity to be included. I hope this helps.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Obviously he wanted more and got fed up when you didn't leave your fiancee


What Girls Said 1

  • ummmmm quick question ur engaged? u want a fuck buddy as well i mean shite girl how selfish can u be ok before u were engaged fe as long as ur bf was cool with it but now ur enaged getting married this guy is the guy ur going to spend the rest of ur life with so instead of worrying about if ur going to get ur fuck buddy back consentrate on your relation ship with ur fiance i mean seriously do u know how many women out there want to be getting married i know i wish i found the man of my dreams already and was engaged just concentrate on ur fiance n forget about ur fuck buddy seriously