WHY is he so confused and then blames it on me?

we've been seeing each other on and off for a while, but his past relationship really left him feeling lost I think. according to his friend, it was "extremely" hard on him because they had been together so long. however, we started seeing each other almost two years ago (and knew each other before that, he would always flirt with me but nothing happened and only ran into each other a few times in school, even though he'd ask people about me) and we decided to have it be casual because he was so screwed up over his nearly decade long relationship. unfortunately, we both developed feelings and things got nasty when he saw me with another guy one night, I ended things because he was being possessive for NO reason because we were NOT exclusive, if he and wanted to be exclusive, should have SAID SO. I went away for quite a while but when I get back I guess he hears about it and starts calling all the time. when I answer him he tries to come off very smooth. we start seeing each other again, but this time admit feelings, very very obviously at this point and admitted to both missing and caring for me a lot. at first he said he didn't know what he wanted, but as I started asking more which I probably came off really badly about (I really do think I asked too much, we had only just started seeing each other for like a month) he just said he couldn't be in a relationship "right now" and so I said fine I'm done don't call me again and then he got all upset about that and I said I still care about you but there's a lot I need to think about with this now. I feel like he is so easily pushed in one direction or another, and I don't know why. this is not the first time he's pushed his way into my life, and shows quite a lot of dedication and love despite the fact. I am confused by him, why is he acting this way? (btw every single time before we have sex that I don't initiate he asks if I actually do want to because it's "completely ok if I don't let's watch something")

  • he really likes you and wants to be with you, but does NOT know how
    Vote A
  • he might want to be with you but doesn't really show it, doesn't know how
    Vote B
  • he doesn't want to be with you, he is just messing with you, doesn't know anything really
    Vote C
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he really resists talking about feelings of mostly any kind, it's only been rare occasions that I have gotten him to admit things, so I'm pretty sure that means he has a guard up
is there anything I can do?


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • He wants to be with you but he doesn't want to show his feelings and is trying to cope and move on his past relationship. It is really hard for a man sometimes to move on, especially when it's someone you really love. I think you pushed him a little too much and too fast. That's why he was like that. Just take it easy, he likes you. So go from there.

    • well we're not talking right now, I though putting some space between us would be good, how long do you think I should wait?

    • Don't wait... just move on

    • I meant waiting to talk to him again, I don't want him out of my life, I don't feel like this can't be worked out, we obviously have feelings for each other...

What Girls Said 1

  • he wants to be with you but he is afraid of facing his feelings and your feelings. i think he is thinking you are going to reject him so to protect himself he isn't calling you two "exclusive" despite his feelings.

    • I think he knows I want to be with him though, but I haven't really expressed in what capacity

    • everything is so divided in the polls I guess they were no help at all

    • then he doesn't know for sure unless you tell him.