Should I wait for him, or not really wait, but put up with his situation?

we have an amazing time together, I have never felt this way about anyone else. He always looks at me, at my face, and smiles. compliments me on everything by saying things like "you really are so beautiful" to "you have to remember how smart you are." he asked my friends a lot about me. he's in a band and whatever so I feel like he feels like he needs to put up a front, a like "I can get whoever I want" front, even though i've met all of his close friends. we stopped seeing each other for a while, but he really wanted to see me again so I said ok and it was great, up until I wanted to know where I stand. it was only a month in, but I was worried because I don't really see him as often as I'd like to. He told me because he had only recently gotten out of the relationship with his high school sweetheart basically that he can't do anything serious, he feels like he needs to live out his youth, but he still obviously really wants to see me and told me he it's not that he can't see us in the future or not love me, but he feels his relationship controlled his life for so long and his friends told me it "fucked him up." I don't really know what to do because he is so great to me and we have such a good time despite these things, but I feel myself getting worried/desperate when I don't here from him after a few days and I hate that. I haven't asked him to call more so maybe I should, but I don't want to act needy and push him away. he is always holding on to me in some way wherever we are, and only have sex in a very kind of slow passionate way lately... and he asks to make sure I feel like doing it which I find really polite. we are obviously very attracted to each other. Obviously I don't know what to do, any advice?

  • it sounds like he wants you enough to make sacrifices for you, at least in the near future
    Vote A
  • it doesn't sound like he will change for you, you should end it
    Vote B
Select a gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
I feel like a lot has to do with being messed up over what happened with his high school gf, I know guys handle break ups worse than women, and his friends said he was really messed up from that. yet he tells me often how much he likes me and wants me in his life, but understands he's complicated about his emotions and scared about moving on when it could bring more heartbreak.


Most Helpful Girl

  • He sounds like a sweet guy, but with commitment issues now because he feels like commitment ruled his life. So now he is "free" so to speak... I think you just should tell him how you feel. Tell him you'd feel happier and less worried if he would call more and ask him when he thinks he will be ready to engage in something serious. It is very likely you are going to fall in love with him if you're hanging out with and talking to him all the time. If you fall in love with him, and he is not on the same page, it will hurt and be very heart wrenching. I think you deserve someone who is on the same page as you. But it is obvious you don't NOT want him and he clearly is tied emotionally to you as well. It's like tug-of-war. You both are pulling the rope. His side, he is pulling you to him, though he isn't ready to commit to you. He feels deeply for you, feels he should let go because he's afraid of falling onto your side of the line, but cannot. Therefore he keeps pulling the rope. You, you want him to commit to you. You feel deeply for him as well. You know you need to be happy, but cannot let go of him. Therefore, you keep pulling the rope. And eventually one of you will give. He will either fall over onto your side of the line and commit to you, or you will fall over onto his side of the line and even though you know you deserve better, you will settle for less and settle for him because you know that you just cannot live without him. You'd rather have him that way than not at all. One of you will fall onto the other person's side of the line eventually if you keep playing this game. If you do not want to risk falling on his side of the line, then you should let go of the rope completely. This means cutting contact for a while, if not permanently to get yourself together and move on with your life.

    • this was very insightful, thank you. if I went onto his side, so to speak, does it sound like he would commit down the line? based on what I've told you about him?

    • Show All
    • Well, he sounds very indecisive... Have you been able to talk to him yet about what I have suggested?

    • no I actually intentionally told him I don't want to talk right now, I'm trying to create some space, I think we both need it.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I didn't vote because its what can you handle? He's very up front with his plans. Do you want to ride it out or tell him, "I need more so I'm moving on"

    • I don't know, you're a guy, do you have any insight into what he's thinking? will he think I'm a pushover if I stay before he commits to me or will it grow into something healthier? I know he really likes me

    • Show All
    • I'm calling it the way I'm seeing it. You're being closed minded. Arguing with you is making me horny

    • ok well thanks, I'm ending this conversation.

What Girls Said 2

  • I've been in this situation and I think you should live your life just like he wants to live his. Your current relationship status is your current relationship status. Single. He's single and wants to act and be single and you have to realize as much as you like him you're single too. When he starts to do certain things you might not like you can't get to upset because you guys are not together. Guys go for what they want they know what they want at the moment you're kind of convienient for him and he's gotten comfortable with the way things are. What's meant to be will be if you guys are meant to be it'll work but I think you should enjoy yourself as well while you're young

    • I agree, I just get nervous about this, I know he has a lot of hang ups because he was in a relationship that ended badly for nearly a decade

    • Yes but don't let him hold that over your head, the person you're meant to be with wouldn't chance you being the one that got away. Sometimes we mix seasonal people with lifetime people. He might just be a lesson the universe is trying to teach you to prepare you for your true match. You have to experience bad to appreciate good. You will find someone who would never make you fee confused and doubtful

    • I feel like every relationship includes some degree of confusion and doubt, relationships are hard, that's the nature of them. I don't understand people who expect that the right relationship has to mean you each get what you want out of it all the time, it's give and take, you make sacrifices for eachother

  • Trust me been there done that. Move on or you'll find yourself years later still waiting still wondering if the situation was different how things could have been and it's. A waste of time and energy and then you're left heartbroken. I really think you should move on to someone better and who wants what you want. This guy is not the only person in the world with who you'll have chemistry :)

    • he told me he could see me in his future and gets upset at the though of me not talking to him again though, why would he act like that?

    • Show All
    • I don't feel disrespected or treated like shit, he's been really honest with me and respected my decisions

    • At the end of the day it's your decision and it's your life. I'm just giving you my opinion and coming from someone. Who lived through something similar.