He freaked out when I mentioned kids?

I am seeing a man I have dated off and on for years. Most recently we have been together almost three months. We were watching a TV show with a rather weird kid on it the other day and I told him that would be our child if we ever had one.
I was just playing around, but it led to an hour long conversation of where the relationship was, how he feels about kids, and that he does not want to even talk about it. I took the stance that if you are having sex and are careful accidents can happen. I personally am not ready for a kid, and do try to prevent it, but he seemed to go to an extreme. Was it just too early to joke?


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's pretty simple question. Would he consider having children if you both decided to commit to a long term relationship? Three basic response options. The obvious yes or no and then some sort of refusal to talk, delay to answer, possible how dare you ask etc. Other than answering, he will think about it and let you know this month, all other excuses are pretty similar. He's avoiding the answer because he prefers to put his feelings and interests first before you. No answer within a month means, in his mind, your question does not deserve the effort and so your needs do not deserve his effort. Do you see where I am going with this? You have a ligitimate topic. Not respecting your needs will be part of a pattern of how he deals with you overall for everything. No answer? You are not that important to him. Mind you, he may do the exact same thing with everyone which, in my book, means he avoids difficult issues and thinks about himself first.

    Tell him, you would really like him to think it over and would appreciate an answer by next month. It doesn't lock him into anything. The two of you still have to see how your relationship develops over the next year or so. This is an important issue and you believe you deserve to know where he stands on this.

    It's your choice, you can be firm and ask a prefectly normal question about possible children in the future, or you can accept no answer and remember in about 10 years that at one point you had a choice and you didn't take it.

    There are guys who would give you the respect to answer this question. You may find a nicer experience with someone who can give you this respect.

    Hope that helps.

    • Well no he told me 800 reasons he doesn't want them, and that maybe when he is 50 he might

    • OK, So assuming he is close to your age, then he is pretty much saying no biological kids with you. The chance that you both will have energy to want to handle adopted kids when you are 50+ is less than then right now. I think he gave you his answer. If you want to have a child, it won't be with this guy. If you tell him that this is something you want and so you think you have to start dating other men, you might get his attention. It's all up to you. He has giving you his stand on this.

    • Well I'm not sure if I am ready to break it off over this. I am conflicted about it myself to be honest. I mean I want them, but they scare the living crap out of me.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • If he doesn't want kids, he doesn't want kids and that should be something he made clear at the begining of the relationship. I'm in the same boat i vehemently don't want kids but at the same time i'd feel terrible stringing a girl along through any part of her baby making years without her knowing about it.


What Girls Said 3

  • I think it is a conversation needed to be had regardless of where you are in a relationship. You need to know what he feels about children and having his own one day... I would take it as a close to the relationship if you know for sure that one day you want children...

    • Eh, I do, but the thought of having one scares me. It's confusing for me.

    • Of course it is scary at first in thought but once you have the child you will naturally fall into the way of being a mother, which is still nerve-wracking but also the most incredible role to play.

      My boyfriend knows how much children in the future mean to me and he said that he doesn't think he even wants kids... He is about 27. Then the other night he laughed and told me, "that's the kind of dad I am going to be one day" while watching a show of a guy drinking whisky and sleeping while his kid mowed the yard alone. We joked about it for a bit... He was being sarcastic. However, the idea of children one day is now in his head... We have only been exclusive for two months now.

      I think you shouldn't take the fact he doesn't want kids lightly... Because down the road, if he still shows no interest and you look past it, when you are actually ready, he won't be. Just be aware.

  • damn!!! yeah its way too early

    • It was more of a joke than anything. I even said only because the kid would take after him. I mean we have been in each others lives for 15 years so it's not like he is some guy I just met.

    • some guys are just not into kids

  • Hahaha this made me laugh😄 I could just imagine what's going through his mind!