Protective or Possesive?

I'm currently seeing this guy (we're not officially in a relationship but we haven't had sex either, just dating) gets very annoyed when other guys check me out. I don't even know what the issue is because it's not like other guys approach me neither do I flirt back or anything but even if a guy across the room is looking at me he gets very pissed off. Sometimes I'm scared he'll go up to the guy and punch him in his face. And on top of that we're not exclusive as neither of us have questioned our status yet of officially being girlfriend and boyfriend. I want to bring it up because I really do like him but if his jealousy is going to get out of control after we're official then I'm not sure if I even want to take this further. I haven't asked him much about his previous relationships but he seems like the type of guy that is protective of his girlfriend. So what do you guys think?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well... I think it's okay to be protective of your girlfriend, as in won't let her go outside at night alone, or even in the day, take care of her, be sure she eats healthy or at least eats enaugh... things like that. If a guy you're not even in a relationship with yet has the tendancy to get overly jelous of guys who look at you then there are only two thing that might make him that way:
    1. Eighter you are very very very pretty and he's afraid that someone might come and steal you (which is nice)
    2. Eighter he has commitment issues and past relationship problems about cheating that he's not over.
    If number 1, then you have to tell him how you feel about him, reasure him that you arn't going anywhere, make you're relationship official and make him stop his jealousy.
    If nr. 2, then you need to ask him, talk about how you feel about his posessivness and decide wether you want to be with him or not.
    I hope this will help a bit. Have a nice day. :)


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I think you should cut off the relationship. I know others will disagree here but there are some major red flags! If you two are not even "official" and in your opinion he is showing signs of possessiveness, that is a clear sign that there ARE going to be issues down the road. I'm not necessarily as concerned about the other guys as I am you! My concern is that if you two do get into an official relationship the next step after "possesiveness" will be seclusion. Seclusion from your friends first and then from family. I am very protective of my wife and always have been. But I'm not ignorant to think that guys will not check her out. After all, I know she is attractive... that is one of the many reasons we are married. But you are right. There is a MAJOR difference between being protective and being obsessive. Based off what you have told us, he is showing clear signs of the latter. Lastly, I would NOT suggest talking to him about it. Why? Well most issues are great to discuss in a relationship but men that show signs of obsession will only mask those signs if you bring them up. Obsession is a character trait, not a voluntary action. Therefore, you can not change who a person is. I hope this helps. I also hope you think Ling and hard begot going further with this relationship!

    • That was suppose to day "think long and hard before going further".

What Girls Said 1

  • Likes really the kind of thing you just have to feel out & see what kind of person he is. I have some jealousy issues, but I would never in a million years act on it. When I have issues, I internalize it & blame it/take it out on myself & no one else. It really depends if he is the kind of person who takes it out on himself or others. If he takes it out on himself, it may take time, but he'll eventually work the jealousy issues out on his own.

    • From a woman's perspective I'm sure you are spot on. From a guys perspective though, you couldn't be farther from the truth. If he is showing signs of "obsession" then that is something that will not change because of a conversation or even a serious of conversations. If she is seeing these signs before they are even in a "committed" relationship then there is a red flag that something is not right.

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    • Wow I didn't realize males & females differ so much in this aspect, but that's really good to know. Thanx! :]

    • No problem! Thanks for the insight on how women work with these issues :)

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