What to do when a woman who likes you says she isn't ready for a relationship right now?

So I had been seeing this woman for about 2 months when she started becoming harder to plan dates with. We finally did go out again after about a week and a half and she said she does really like me but isn't ready for a relationship because she is too busy.

I thought she was trying to let me down easy, but when I said I wouldn't see her anymore she protested and said she really did like me, she wants me in her life, and that when she does have time she thinks of me first. Then she started to cry saying she just really busy trying to keep up with other friends too and she had to go to the doctor twice the week before, and she was planning on moving before she met me but now she may want to delay it.

It's been two weeks since that talk and since then she texts me almost everyday to ask about my day, stopped by my apartment 3 times, and we're going on a romantic date next week (or at least it was a date when we planned it a month ago). She asked if I wanted to invite someone else, but I told her I wanted her to come and smiled.

Could she be scared of a relationship? She's told me other guys have cheated on her, including one she was engaged to. I asked her though and she said that's not the reason, she trusts me, she really is just busy. Not sure if I believe her though. I went out with another girl twice after she and I agreed to be "just friends" and her best friend told me she was really upset and hurt when she told her.

So what do I do in a situation like this where a woman says she is not ready for a relationship but has strong feelings for me? I really do like her, but I don't want to play games either. Should I continue to treat her like a romantic interest (long hugs, holding hands, stuff you usually don't do with just a friend) and give her another month so she can be reassured of my feelings for her? Are there signs from her I should look for? Should I treat her as just a friend until either she makes a move or until I find someone else?


Most Helpful Girl

  • She means just that she isn't ready... You can't just jump into something. If you or she hasn't fixed any underlying problems yet, the relationship has a high change of failing. Timing is everything... The chemistry could be there but if there is something holding someone back that will prevent so much
    If she likes you, which it sounds like she does, I doubt she will be searching while she is getting ready for a relationship. Patience darling patience, everything works out the way it was meant to be in the end. This relationship could take months to happen but if its a healthy relationship with all underlying problems fixed you will ultimately win in the end.
    That being said, just show her on why she should continue to pursue you :) show her you are no to fear. The past is the past, yes it hurts, but it teaches us lessons. Without lessons, we do not learn. If we do not learn, we do not grow. If we do not grow, we will be stuck in the same place. Hope that helped darling

    • Yes, that was helpful, thank you!

      Also, when you say show her, is it appropriate to tell her too? Or just let my actions speak for themselves? We did both say things we didn't mean, like she told me to go out with other women and I told her I wasn't sure I wanted to be friends with her anymore if she's just going to move across the country soon. We've seen each other several times since those things were said but I feel like it would be good to not leave those things unresolved. Maybe just quickly tell her that I do want to be her friend and that we should go back to having some fun and getting to know each other without the drama for a while? Kinda hint at but not directly say that I'm willing to wait for her a little while to work though whatever's going on in her life?

    • Well, I don't want to give you advice, because my advice may not be the right advice for you.
      I can enlighten you with my opinion, words are meaningless. I could say I'm gona do this or that but doesn't mean I actually will. Actions are more worth of proving of ones intentions

      But if words were said... Just be straight up. Tell her that hey look I like you and I would love for this to go somewhere some day. I hope you would to and I respect that you have life problems going on and I will wait for you to resolve them but at the same time I'm not going to wait around forever either because life is to short. No that doesn't mean I want to talk to every other woman while you figure that out that just means you need to figure you out and what it is you want from me because my heart isn't a puppet to string a long.

      I may be onky be 20 but trust me man... I've been through a lot... So just say something like that :) and if she reacts well cool if she gets her panties in a wad then

    • Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Guard your heart darling the world is evil. You probably already know that but never forget it!

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What Girls Said 1

  • It sounds like she really does like you she's just scared to commit because guys have cheated on her before. Just try to let her know she can trust you not to cheat on her.


What Guys Said 2

  • Sounds as though she is scared of a relationship, but at the same time wants one.
    Relax and see where she wants to take it. The more that you push the further you will push her away from you.
    Busy is bullshit. If she wanted you, she would rearrange her schedule. There is something else going on, most likely fear caused by the memory of how much she was hurt.

    • Thanks for the reply.

      The pushing away makes sense. Do you think I should avoid any mention of a relationship for a while? There was a period of like two weeks where we saw each other once, but now we're back to seeing each other several times a week the past few weeks. Maybe give her another month or two just spending time and getting to know her and see what happens?

    • @Asker yes, do not mention a relationship again. When she is ready she will probably raise the subject.

  • Have sex with her and then move on to meeting new women...

    • And its idiots like you on why girls like. her have a hard time getting into relationships. Clearly you don't know women at all.

    • Clearly you're the idiot and he'd be a fool to listen to your misleading comments. Wasting time on a broken girl and trying to fix her is a quagmire that will suck away his soul. Dodging that bullet is the wise thing to do.