Gained weight recently; not sure if I should try to date yet?

Be honest and tell me what I should do?

I gained a bunch of weight recently; for the first time ever. I had nasal surgery from a life of football/rugby/boxing/jiu jitsu. I couldn't exercise much after and am overweight for the first time ever. I was confident and have hooked up with hot girls in my past.

Now I feel self conscious and don't know if it's pointless to pursue pretty girls until I get in shape or if I should still go for it?

I feel my being confident and funny/charming int he past has helped more than how I looked but I don't know if girls are superficial to this point. I feel guys that are in great shape/really good looking or tall "get more interviews" but not necessarily "the job". Like you have to prove yourself when talking to a girl. but I may be wrong. If so how do I get my confidence back?

I'm 5'10 and was 200 pounds (of muscle but not crazy ripped). I feel i'm stronger, still a solid athlete (won a tennis tournament recently, but am 260 and def. have a stomach/signs of being overweight. I've never had low self confidence in this way and never was overweight. I tried online dating but didn't get many responses and stopped after a week.

  • Do I try to date/approach girls now?
    Vote A
  • Should I get in shape first?
    Vote B
Select a gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy


Most Helpful Guy

  • From personal experience I noticed that FORCING yourself to behave in a certain manner, because of an insecurity will only backfire on you later on. For instance let's say you meet this hot chick right. And you are just like "WOW. I'd definitely cuddle with her and watch greys" if you had to hype yourself up and tell yourself that you had to be confident before you guys even spoke. You already lost the battle. Do you know why? Because it was not NATURAL. If you pretend to be confident, soon, and I mean very soon. Your insecurities will begin to show. And she will most likely think you are a wannabe and a loser then leave you.


    *queue fantasy trumpets*

    To some this might sound cliché but it's actually very effective.

    #1 Stop Fapping. Women are generally more attracted to a man with energy and vigour than an exhausted piece of shit. And fapping will most likely lead to the latter. So stop it

    #2 FIND OUT WHAT ARE THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU INSECURE OR UNCONFIDENT AND ACCEPT IT. I'm not saying don't work on it. Do. But acceptance is the biggest step on the road to rule. It is a sure fire way to success. Why? Because "acceptance" will lead you to be more comfortable in your own skin! And nothing is more attractive to a woman that. I mean if you were to go on a date and stress about your belly showing through your shirt, you think you going to have fun? no! Just make yourself comfortable :) if you are comfortable with yourself, she'll be comfortable around you! Ta-dah!

    #3 "You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend."

    • In essence, feel your surroundings. Especially when you are with a woman. Listen. Find out what she wants and what she needs needs. Then fulfil them. Don't make it all about you!

      GOOD LUCK!

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • I think it all depends on the person. On one hand, I think you shouldn't care too much about your weight and just have fun with it, meet some girls... but on the other hand, if you aren't going to be able to get out of the mindset of "I need to get in shape", then I'm thinking dating won't be that much fun for you. I think you should definitely work on your confidence at least, you sound perfectly fine to me!

    • how do i work on it? in your opinion. any ideas can help

What Guys Said 2

  • Win/win situation bro. You might find a girl that likes you for who you are and not your body. Then you lose weight and she's surprised as hell how fit you are. At this point you know she wasn't with you because you were fit, she's a keeper!

    On the other hand, you didn't get any girls but you still continue losing weight. Who cares?

  • A lot of girls care about the look and body shape of a man they're dating. A lot of girls don't. Firstly, don't be so hard on yourself. You're probably still able to get a girlfriend if you present yourself in a nice manner. If it is a health reason you want to lose weight, then try shedding a few pounds. but I don't think you should lose weight to get girls.

    • This is my philosophy. I could be VERYYY wrong, but hear me out. Girls who put your physical features as a main criteria to being your bf are not my type. If they care more about appearance, how much do they really care about your personality? yes some girls care about both, but I wouldn't date a girl who prioritizes looks too highly. The girls who look past your chubbiness and choose you because of your personality is a keeper.

    • thanks; great opinion. The thing is that i have kinda high standards b/c of the girls I used to date/hook up with. I tried tinder for a week and only had like 8 matches and didn't know what to message or get many messages. is that a sign?

    • Well you're high standards are your high standards. That I respect. Further more, 8 Matches seems a lot. I was rejected 4 times in my life and only 2 agreed to date me. 8 in a week, not bad. Plus it's only been a week. I think your insecurity is making you over think your current situation.