Do you think I was manipulated or was he sincere?

I recently told the man that I was in a casual relationship with for three months that I have feelings for him. I told him that I can no longer be with him without it meaning something to him. He offered to take sex off the table and just be friends. Three days later he calls me to ask me to come over. When he got here he became very affectionate with me, something he's never done before. He caressed my cheek, we made out on my couch, and when we had sex he actually kissed me during it. He even said "I'm being intimate." He was doing all the things that would make me feel like he wanted more, too.

Now I feel like maybe he did those things because he knew I wanted him so that he can continue having sex with me. I don't want to believe that because I've never known him to be that much of an asshole.

I also don't know what to believe because one time before, when he was drunk, depressed and wanted me to comfort him, he told me that he really liked me and that he was being stupid because he "keeps fucking me."

Do you think he's being manipulative and doing what he knows I want him to do or do you think that he thought about it more and now he wants a relationship with me?


I have no idea why this thing post itself in sexual behavior. Was there a site updated I didn't know about?


Most Helpful Guy

  • The problem with manipulation is if it's done well, you won't know about it! Trust your instincts but only as far as the facts go- emotion clouds your judgement. Guys who manipulate girls are good at reading emotions and it helps them to camouflage their actions.
    Of course it's possible he's indecisive or going through some shit etc but my feeling is that it's likely he's manipulating you. It looks to me like he withdrew sex and suggested friendship to gain trust. Later when you're probably still feeling a bit insecure he shows up and gives you what you're after, nobody says "I'm being intimate". I think he fucked up there, being to eager to demonstrate that he's giving you what you need. If you smell a rat there's usually one close by. lol

    • *too eager

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    • Also when I asked him if he only saw us as a casual relationship his answer was "I guess I do feel that way. " I feel like he wasn't even sure his answer. He guesses…

    • Perhaps he has a poor turn of phrase lol. If you want to move from casual to more serious it's all about how he demonstrates commitment from now on. If he didn't want to lose you and decided it's time to start being a more serious boyfriend then you need to see a change in how you two interact compared to before. Hopefully he won't just do the bare minimum.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Could be manipulation. But honestly, I don't think he thought of it like that. You're a girl he's been with for sometime so he does like you even if he doesn't want to be exclusive. So when you said you're uncomfortable and need more if you're going to be dating so he wanted you to be comfortable and took sex off the table. Even tho you guys still "have fun" with eachother. You went out for whatever reason. He was more affectionate (because he wasn't having sex). As a guy you actually feel more affectionate if you haven't masturbation or had regular sex unless it was towards the girl you sleep with. So he treated you with more affection because that's how he was feeling. You REALLY liked it and it lead to sex. You both were turned on. I'm assuming you two didn't have sex for awhile. He got sexually charged, so when you saw each other he just expressed how he was feeling through his words and actions. If you want more, you need to tell him you can't see him for a while (months)

    • Before then we hadn't had sex for two weeks. We've gone three weeks without sex before since his schedule is pretty insane so I'm not really sure if that made him more affectionate towards me. When we were talking after though he did say to me, "I'll be honest I need that. " because he was so stressed out.

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    • Yeah I know, it was crazy when he said it. But he's a weird guy and sometimes he has a tendency to see where things.

      When he came over he sat on my couch and started rubbing my arm. And then he moved to my chest and then to my cheek. He started kissing my cheek and the side of my four head. Then he started caressing my cheek again. All of a sudden he said "I'm being intimate." And then I said "I know and I like it " and then before you know it… Sex.

    • Yea lol. Weird, but clearly didn't matter xD.
      I've done that to a girl too... anyways. good times lol

  • He made these moves after you had a talk with him. And he was rewarded with sex. Complete manipulation.


What Girls Said 3

  • I think he likes u but not in love with u. he is trying to convince himself because of all the good qualities u have, but he just can't commit to u. Also, he is justifying to himself that he can sleep with u because he is trying to be intimate while in fact it is a booty call.
    he is so confused

    • Well I don't know if I expect them to be "in love with me "since we've only known each other for three months. And I'm reluctant to call it a "booty call" since he's done that before and this didn't feel like that at all. I do agree with you that he's confused though.

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    • He's actually two years older than me (he's 33). When we first met he pursued me hard and heavy but then his schoolwork got harder and he said that he "didn't know " if he wanted a serious relationship with me. I stupidly told him that I was okay with not spending a lot of time with each other and he took it like I said I was okay with a casual relationship which I never was.

      And yet he did have a pass relationship earlier this year that ended badly and he was heartbroken. From what he's told me he was feeling better about that.

    • hmm so I think u know the reason behind his confusion.. he is still heartbroken. still not ready to give in, but don't lose hope bcz he likes u but needs sometime to trust and bond with u emotionally. If u really care about him then I suggest that u withdraw the sex and keep everything casual until he is sure

  • You made a mistake by going over there and I think it's important that you stick by no longer having a casual relationship. If you pull away and he comes back, learning now that you will only give him affection within the guidelines of a relationship, he will then be forced to decide. If you are wishy washy and continue to feed into him, it is easy for him to manipulate you. I suggest that you pull away and teach him that if he wants more from you, he will have to earn it.

    • He came to me...

    • Oh sorry your statement "he calls me to ask me to come over" was misleading. Nevertheless, it's a booty call, if you want a relationship you need to create a date scenario. All the best :)

    • Ok... "He caressed my cheek, we made out on MY couch, " should have cleared that up but whatever.

  • No I don't because u already had sex... so maybe he needs time u don't know what issues he has