How do I tell this girl that I don't like her the way she likes me, without sounding mean?

Okay so there's this girl whom I have met recently and we had started talking as friends, and she's pretty great. We have the same kind of personalities, the same interests, etc. so it would make sense for us to date because we would be pretty compatible. But the problem is that she's too young for me. She's 15 while I'm turning 19 in March (I had only found out about her age a few days ago). I don't flirt with her, I only did like once when we had first started talking but only because she said something flirtatious to me first, so I said something back but I wasn't really serious about it. We've been talking for about 2-3 weeks now (as friends) and I don't want her to end up falling for me and later accusing me of leading her on, because I've been lead on before and I know how shitty that feels. I want to keep her as a friend, but just as that. Had she been a couple years older, things would be different, but yeah she's too young for me and I do not want to deal with all the legal troubles and stuff. This is the first time I've really been in this situation, and I don't know how to tell her that I am not interested in her like that without coming off as harsh. :/


Most Helpful Girl

  • Just be friends. Don't say anything unless it comes up.

    I met my husband when I was 16 and he was 20, and although we were very compatible and attracted to each other, it just wasn't the right time. We were friends for ten loooonnnng years before we finally started dating and we've been together for ten (married 7) years!

    • I have been trying to just act as a friend towards her but she's slowly starting to act more affectionate with me as time goes on, so I'm trying to find a way to just stop it there without it escalating further.

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    • Yeah, I understand what you're saying. I'll do my best to be kind about it, but stern enough so that she'll know that I'm serious about it. Girls her age are definitely more emotionally vulnerable, and I don't want to end up ruining her views about relationships and love in general before she's even old enough to have enough experience and knowledge of them.

      And thank you :) I can't stand how a lot of guys my age are willing to take advantage of women, especially young girls like her, because my mom raised me to be better than that.

    • From reading your other response, she's in a different state so that should definitely reduce the risk of getting handsy. My husband was the boy next door, and I did EVERYTHING, short of outright trying to make out with him, to get his interest.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Tell her and say why.
    If you say legal reasons... maybe she'll understand and at least not think something is wrong with her.

    When does she turn 16 ?
    If it's close to march you two are only 3 years a part.
    Right now I know u feel far older than her.
    Ur entering into adult hood and she's probably worrying about her regents.
    3/4 years seems like a difference now but as you get older it will level out.
    When you're 23 and she's 20, no one would even blink an eye.

    If she's a great girl u should keep in contact with her and consider it for the future if she still has interest

    • She hasn't openly admitted to liking me, but it's obvious with the way she talks to me that she does feel some kind of way for me. I want to nip her affection for me at the bud now before it grows and ends up hurting her, but I'm also worried that if I were to say all that to her right now, she would try to play it off like "Oh you think I like you like that? Get over yourself" or something like that. Also, something I forgot to mention, she lives a couple states away from me, so it would be a bit challenging to keep in touch with her after telling her that I don't see her that way, should I do so.

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    • The only problem with him saying, "if only you were a few years older," is that she might stop looking for guys her age and just hold a flame for him.

    • I really don't see that as a problem. He clearly likes her. The only thing stopping him is the age difference. She can hold that flame for him, but right then and there she will know that he isn't up for dating her.

  • First off, bully for you for being a decent human being. I think when it comes down to it, you need to tell her what you told us. You are an awesome girl and I'm so glad to have made friends with you, but it wouldn't be legal to date you. I find that friendships where one party wants more don't always work out though.


What Guys Said 1

  • Telling her that a four year age gap is unsettling to you, given the ages you are, isn't a mean way of saying you don't want a relationship with her.

    Flirting with her once wouldn't count as leading her on, in my book, either.

    If you want to be nice, try saying you aren't looking for anything serious at the moment. That way, you aren't actually denying her, you're passively denying everyone with the statement.

    • Although you do have a point, if I tell her that I'm not looking for anything serious at the moment, she'll think that she could change my mind by trying even harder.

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    • given the circumstances of the age gap between the two of you.

    • Yeah you're right about that. I'll just wait it out and act like a friend for now, but will tell her what's up should she act more forward with it.

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