Is this true for all/most girls?

I know girls and their emotions can change very quickly and many times its not logical or even rational at all, and based on what I've learned it seems subconscious so they dont really understand why it happens either. Like they are programmed like this..

Basically, many dating coaches mention that girls (mainly before they fall in love because that changes a lot) can be very attracted to a guy and then suddenly lose that attraction quickly once it gets to easy or the mystery is gone.

So do guys basically have to be dishonest and pretend like we are less into you than we might be and act like we are unavailable? Make you chase us? To keep the attraction alive in the early stages. Even though it might already have been established that both the guy and the girl are into each other, the guy would only lose interest if the girl did something really crazy or strange, or if he found someone better on the side, but it seems most girls lose interest quickly once the chase is over and they know the guy likes them a lot (if it is early in the dating phase but sometimes even late into it)

It seems like this is something a guy must have these days, regardless of what other qualities he might bring (excluding high status or wealth etc those things can compensate for most things for many girls)

What are your opinions?

So basically, if a girl and a guy has already been open to each other that they are sexually and romantically interested in each other, even if it happened very fast like over the time of 3 weeks etc, would a girl lose interest in this guy if he avoided playing games after he had sex with her, and instead continued being honest about what he wanted?


Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all, don't listen to dating coaches. There are a lot of competitive interactions where coaching is helpful. Relationships are not one of them.

    The most important quality you can have when it comes to dating is self-confidence. I say this based on a lot of conversations with women as well as a lot of self-reflection. Women will be attracted to the guys they are attracted to, just as guys will do the same. There's no magic technique to overcome the barrier of a lack of physical attraction, but a lack of confidence in yourself can easily be a turn-off even if she was attracted to you from the start.

    The problem is that a lot of guys don't understand what confidence actually means. It means being comfortable with yourself. It means that you don't need the validation of getting the girl you want in order to feel a sense of self-worth. So some guys see this as acting disinterested or unavailable when, in reality, it just means that the guy actually has things going on in his life. Women like when guys have things going on in their lives. It generally means that they're interesting and fun to be with. My dating life got significantly better when I had way too much going on in my life to have my happiness hinge on whether a girl said yes or no.

    Sometimes a guy might be able to falsely project that air of confidence when in reality it isn't there. Other times, a girl may appreciate that a guy pays a lot of attention to her. Eventually, though, the fact that the guy does nothing but fawn over her stops being attractive and just becomes pathetic because his entire identity is the relationship. Would you rather date someone who brings his own personality to the table, or someone whose entire personality seems to be based on the fact that he is dating you?

    I'm not going to argue that women are 100% rational and logical. Neither are men. In this case, though, they're probably being pretty darn logical.

    • Thank you, i had this in that back on my mind that it would be to crazy to be true. I guess its all individual. But lets say if a guy has a good reason to care a lot about a girl (meaning she had been very emotional and caring towards him as well), then she shouldn't lose attraction by him being honest about that? At least if the girl is not an odd case. What do you think?

    • what i meant is, it wouldn't come across as needy in the same way if the guy has a good reason to be very nice, sweet and caring to her, and by good reason i mean she acted the same way towards him.

    • No, there's a big difference between treating a girl well because you care about her and putting her up on a pedestal. There's nothing wrong with being caring, and even sacrificing your own interests from time-to-time. It's when guys stop protecting their entire self-interest that it becomes sad. It's the difference between something like "You had a bad day, so I'm going to skip watching football to bring you chocolates" and "You want the new iPhone, so I'm going to sell my car to buy it for you."

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 5

  • This is kinda true, but not all of it. We don't want guys to become assholes or something or being dishonest. There must be a balance. Guys get less interested if a girl does all the chasing too. At least, I've noticed that.

    • Okey i guess thats true, would you prefer if you knew the guy liked you and didn't have mood swings so to speak. Or would it be more attractive if he would seem less interested in you every now and then and make you wonder why?

      Personally, if a girl had many of the other qualities in terms of personality, interests and looks that i like, then i wouldn't lose attraction to her if she was very forward and chased me a lot. I think thats such a small thing when you look at the whole of a person. a girl chasing me to much would never be a deal breaker by itself, what do you think?

  • Personally I want someone I'm comfortable with. Someone who appreciates me as I him. I hate the chase game, it's so confusing and I find it obnoxious because it's less time for us to actually talk or hang out. If a guy ignores me a lot to seem interesting, I los confidence and interest to pursue a relationship with him.

    • Thank you, thats what i was thinking as well. its so easy to get confused and for people to misunderstand your intentions, that i always feel i have to be honest and open about my intentions because that is what i would want from my partner. But in my experience, some girls who where like that in the beginning and showed strong attraction wowards me ended up changing pretty fast and go cold without me having a clue why.. and instead of waiting for them to come to me i tried to get them to talk to me about what was wrong. And im concerned if i might have killed the attraction which was there for this simple behavior alone. Thats irrational in my opinion, but if it is how the female brain works then there is nothing i can do about it, i just hope its on an individual basis and not a general one with few exceptions.

    • Show All
    • Its a shame though because we had quite a bit in common, and we where both so attracted to each other and it happened so fast. Even though she was nervous our date wouldn't go well. We had phone sex many times before we met. She sounded genuine too, im pretty sure she was. She seemed to truly feel bad about it and maybe thats why she couldnt speak to me on the phone, but its sad she doesn't realize it hurt me more by becoming distant and cold and then blaming it on me (the gift, which was hypocritical) and of course i called her out on that and showed some emotion. Apparantly it was scary for her when i said that i care about her a lot since we only met once, even though we knew so much personal stuff about each other and had talked almost every day on the phone for hours for over 2 weeks, and lots of texting in between..

    • Jesus xD I'm sorry it didn't work out then...

  • How do you "know" where does this knowledge come from?

    • To be fair i dont technically know, but it seems like that girls can change their feelings for a guy quickly because it has happened to me several times when i have no clue what i did wrong and im not sure what the actual explanation is.
      This is one explanation though and many "dating experts" with their books and videos have mentioned it, so im trying to figure out how common it might be so i can make a decision if i need to make some changes in how i approach things i guess..

  • Not for more mature, older women.. I'm late twenties and I need to know you are into me.. no stupid games please!

  • Only childish girls who don't know what they want

    • Thank you i agree, i also view this behaviour as a bit immature. But then again im worried it might be biological to a degree..

What Guys Said 2

  • Yes this is true. Why do you think they go after the 'bad boys' from time to time. They want what they can't have and they like playing games and chasing and vise versa. They typically don't think logical but emotional. If you get into an argument with a girl, just listen to what she says and don't be surprised if she goes off topic or try to put a blame or try to confuse you or make you pity her. I listen to this Tom Leykis show and he talks about this stuff. You should hear the female callers respond and comment. They prove his point and my point. I don't have time for these mind games and I find them a turn off and I move on in a heartbeat

  • Yes. The saying is that women are illogical. They don't know what they want. The world's most powerful man Putin has said that it's best not to argue with women.

    • sry didn't intend to downvote you.. im still sceptical as to how common this is, but it sure seems like iv e been on the recieving end of this phenomena.

    • Every alpha knows it

Loading... ;