Help... I'm scared to spend the night with my boyfriend (husband to be)... does this excuse sound made up?

I have a hard time lying but I've been lying by omission for about 2.5 years from my family that I have a boyfriend. We are engaged and he proposed 2 years ago.

I'm 30 years old and come from a strict muslim middle eastern household. I live with my family b/c I'm not married and that's what is expected. My parents never left me home by myself but they are now oversees for a couple weeks.

I am the oldest but have a brother that is 26 and a sister that is 17. My boyfriend has an interview for a recidency and it's an hour away so they gave him a hotel room. He wants me to come with him overnight.

I told my siblings i was going to a conference but they kept asking me a lot pf details like where it is and what it's about and they told me I have to tell mom and dad. If I dont tell them I know my siblings will.

The issue is I dont think my parents will believe me and my dad hates lying more than anything. He is very hot headed and goes into rages when he is upset so I'm very very nervous they will question me or do something like look the conference up to see if it is legit.

I just dont know if its a good idea... I know my bf really wants me to go and I dont want to let him down but I'm extremely nervous right now... I feel like I'm going to be sick.

I know it may sound absurd that I'm 30 and this is an issue... but middle eastern culture is very very different. by the way, i'm not Muslim but I pretend to so I keep things stable right now... I'm saving money to ge out of the house as soon as my BF and I are able to.

The reason why I used the conference excuse is my boss suggested it. I go to conferences but so far they have not been overnight... I'm just afraid they won't buy it b/c it's when theyvare gone and it seems a bit too conveient


Most Helpful Girl

  • spend the day and don't overnight. u got me a little confused ! is he ur fiancée or ur bf? are u muslim or not muslim?
    anyway it will be fine when u guys get married , and I am from the middle east too but I think it is becoming more open minded than the US these days

    • I call him my BF just to make things easier since our relationship is hidden... but yes, he is my fiance... he seriously proposed, got down on one knee with a wedding ring and asked me to marry him... I said yes. I've never lived in the Middle East... my dad is an immigrant from there. I was born and raised im America

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Yes, it sounds made up.

    Your parents religious views are their views. You have your own.

    In the end, you'll have to do what you think is right for you. Not your fiancé, not your parents, for YOU because you're going to have to be with you while you're on this earth.

    I wouldn't lie to your parents. If it's as bad as you say about him taking things with lying, don't do it. It's not worth it.

    Have you talked about this with your fiancé?

    Lastly, how on earth did you manage to keep your engagement a secret from them? I don't tell my parents things the same way.

    • I did tell my mom when I first started dating my BF (before we were engaged)... she was very very upset and told me she was not happy for me and threatened to tell my dad if I didn't end it. For reference, my dad is very hotheaded and he gets into rages. My mom told me he would not be happy. I've seen my dad angry before for very insignificant things so I didn't want to risk anything. Plus, at the time I was in a vulnerable position because I just withdrew from med school and they were already on my case. I manage it by using very good time management skills. I have two jobs, go to grad school full time, and still have time for my BF. I just tell my parents I'm studying... which isn't a lie because I do study with my BF since we are both in school. Yes, I have talked to my fiancé about everything and he understands. In my culture there is not a sense of autonomy as western culture... so saying I have my own beliefs is not very easy when people can be killed over what I'm doing.

    • You might want to pm me since I have some indirect experience with this.

  • wow you're in a pickle lol. go with your gut.

  • Don't, instead try to find a way to escape from that country. I say this cause i live in an middle eastern country and i know how the environment is bad for girls.

    • I live in the USA... I was born here... my mom's family has been here for over a hundred years... my dad immigrated

    • Show All
    • Thanks, for your help... I did end up staying the night... he's been tested for STDs... I made him get a test before we had sex even though I knew he didn't have any... just to be safe. I've been on birth control for two years.

    • You're so welcome.
      I personally prefer cond0m than birth control pills for my future partner.

  • can't u look up a conference thats on and tell them ur going to that so if they look it up its real


What Girls Said 2

  • I completely understand the culture, seeing as mine is basically the same so to be honest I really wouldn't risk it hunny. Until you can safely get out of there without having to deal with your parents and the consequences... I would advise you to wait. Explain your situation to your bf, if he really loves and cares for you, he can wait and be patient. Sometimes it's better to be safe than sorry. x

  • Tell your boyfriend to wear a chastity tube for the night. Alternatively, since you're immersed in the Muslim culture, you can have yourself stitched up.

    • We have been having sex. I'm not Muslim... my parents are... I have to pretend I'm Muslim in front of them though.

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