Am I wrong for what I did?

Okay so I let my boyfriend down this past Wednesday because I failed to make it to his important bowling game. It was the final play offs for his job based bowling competition.

Initially he knew that I might had to work that day. Sooo he was half expecting me not to make it. I called him up after I got off and I jokingly told him that I wasn't going to be able to make it. He was just like "oh that's fine". So I turned right around and just said I'm kidding I can make it I just wanted to see if you'd be a little disappointed if I didn't came. He responded "yeeah-SIKE!". So I was like OH... okay. I just thought he could care less if I came or not. Actually he didn't even invite me to the final game I had to ask him about it. Which is another issue I will mention later. Well I told him I was gunna go for a quick jog and shower then head on out. He was like okay. Well long story short I wound up arriving late. I actually had to clean up my apartment for inspection that day and my mom reminded me of that when I got home.

So I finish up and head out I wound up being an hour and a half late. They lost the first round making them lose to second place in the competition. I see him and I ask if he is okay. He responds he's fine but he has an attitude and I could tell he was upset. So we go inside with his team. He basically sits with his back turned to me. Doesn't acknowledge me or anything.

To make an even longer story short I ask him what's up and he's all like "we'll talk about it later" but I was like no you won't treat me like this after I've driven all the way our here to support you. His response was that I was being selfish and shoukd have let him ignore me because I was late.

I kind of feel like he's a bit controlling. I don't know. I've never had any of my exes treat me like he has.

I am well aware I was wrong for being late. I apologized and promised to make it up to him. He claims that he needs to be loved "physically" in order for him to be loved "emotionally". Basically he wants me to dote on him and sort of "baby" him. Like be all over him. Like really? I show my love for you in other ways I do things for you I am even affectionate towards you and it still isn't enough...
Look the issue here is that he's suddenly withdrawn claiming I'm giving him the impression that he has to "chase me" in order to prove his love to me. Which I have never done or even said. All I know is that I put in legitimate effort to PHYSICALLY SHOW him that I care for him and that I want to be with him. He just wants to stop all effort and expects me to do everything... Is that fair?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I can see both points of view here.

    You were an hour and a half late, he was losing, he was in a bad mood and acted immaturely and you should have let him cool off and then later on that evening could have had a chat about things.

    It's really not a good idea to confront someone when they aren't in a positive mood, it leads to arguments, confrontation and this is where hurtful comments can get bandied around like confetti.

    I don't think he's being controlling here, I do think he's being deeply immature.

    • I agree I shouldn't have pressed it. But he's a grown man he shouldn't be acting that way. On top of that he feels him treating me that way is completely justified and feels he did no wrong.

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    • I cared enough not to though... He doesn't see that. Which leads me to believe he is extremely selfish. I admit my wrong doing but he never does.

    • I'll be honest this entire argument is stupid, the reasons for this fall out are stupid and as two adults between the ages of 25-34 this is embarrassing.

      Some people are pig headed and are too immature to hold their hands up when they've made a mistake.

      Have you sorted things out with him? Have you approached him about this or is he still ignoring you?

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What Guys Said 3

  • He's mad at you, that doesn't make him controlling. If someone is mad at you its not necessarily the best choice to talk about it right away. Let him calm down then say you're sorry for letting him down.

    • I understand that part. I really do. But you don't ignore someone at a place where you know absolutely no one. Like really? I get that I was wrong for being late. However I ASK ED him. And he told me nothing was wrong. He should have told me then he was angry with me and that we'd talk about it later. But instead he acted immature and expected me to let him treat me like crap because of. Like HE'LL NO. It's not right.

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    • The guy might have an issue with conflict management. He's avoiding the issues so he won't have to deal with them. By making it about him, he doesn't have to deal with the conflicts in the relationship.

      Look up conflict resolution and avoidance. You can work on the issues together, but if all else fails you have to be willing to walk away or just accept his behaviour.

    • EXACTLY. He has these issues and pretends they're not a problem and doesn't say anything to me until they build up and he gets upset enough to say something. THEN he doesn't admit or apologize when he's done wrong. He emaciated switches lanes when I call him out on something and says I hold it over his head or turns it back on me. I know he has good intentions and he loves me but he keeps trying to ignore his own faults.

  • I hate late comers
    no offence
    but did u apologize?

    • YES!! I apologized and admitted I was wrong for arriving late! He STILL WAS angry and ignored me. I think he may be a bit mentally off. Because he told me he stopped contacting me because I gave off the impression that he had to "chase" me in order to get my attention. I'm like WTF? Dude I work two f*cking jobs!! I text you and call as often as I can and when I have the time to. I have worked 12 hour shifts AND drove all the way out to see him all in a single day!! I have taken him out to eat on NUMEROUS occasions and I PAID the tab not expecting him to pay anything. He hasn't taken me out ONCE. And he says I'm making him chase me... just because he calls or texts a little more than I do. Like... huh? That was the farthest thing from my mind.

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    • No... I don't think so. Things are being shifted to where I'm doing EVERYTHING now. It's not fair. If he felt this way he shoukd have came and talked with me about it. Not with draw. Then he acted passive about it like nothing was wrong when he was walking around feeling this way. He's not talking to me so how am I supposed to know? He just stopped texting/calling me.

    • Try making him jeleous

  • haha. damn, i got nothing.


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