Have you ever stopped liking a girl because of this?

Well there's a guy i've been casually hooking up with. I met all his friends and I see him almost every week. But he talked about his ex a lot, and it annoyed me so I just took it like he isn't over her.

Last time we hung out alone he told me he likes me (he says this every time) and he said he wants to take me out to dinner sometime. I took that like he wants to be more than friends with benefits..

But I think I blew it, because he was at a party I went to with my friend and I was sooo drunk, that I barely payed attention to him the whole night, and I'm pretty sure I went around flirting with people in front of him. I feel bad.. and I texted him the next morning to apologize for being so drunk and he said its all good, and that I was crazy drunk.

I went home (a couple hours away) for winter break and he hasn't texted me all day. He knows i'm not in town but I'm worried I blew it. What do you think?

I feel like a huge turn off :(


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well this guy is still mulling over his past romantic experience. He mentions it to you because he can't get it out of his head. Maybe he is comparing you (and all girls) to this past romance on the rocks. Maybe he is suffering a loss of self-esteem due to rejection himself from this past experience and fears that you will reject him as well--if you think he may be making such a judgment from your behavior at the party.

    He might, then, appear to be guarding his self-esteem by remaining aloof. If you think you want a closer friendship with him, it should be easy to rewarm him just by contacting him every 5 or 6 days for awhile maybe and offering light encouraging chat. Invite him for Starbucks, a movie, a meal, a trip to the museum. Ask his help with something he might know about. If this does not work, chalk it up to fait accompli. You own possible discomfort and feeling of rejection in this matter will dissipate in a matter of days.

    At any rate, no matter how this current minidrama unfolds, you will by the "procreant urge of the world" and the Laws of Nature bump into another person equally to your liking. You seem to have a wide circle of acquaintances, so it is just a matter of time and exposure. There are other guys too, you know, so live your life well and live it now.

    • When should I text him?

    • Since you've already gone out a few times and established at least a friendship, just wait a few days for him to clear his head, then text him with an invitation. Hang on to your self esteem and wait. If he is a good guy he will respond eventually. You may be just the thing to bring him out of his shell-shock from his last affair, so I think you have the advantage. Don't worry about the drunken party thing; where there's alcohol no one really pays much attention to other people's behavior. Especially, though, do not text him to the extent that you appear desperate.

    • Thanks. I'm just worried I turned him off and was too annoying when i was drunk. The fact that he said "you were crazy drunk".. He could have changed his mind about liking me.

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What Guys Said 5

  • You blew it. The "I was drunk excuse" never cuts it. Why? No one made you drink and make a fool of yourself but you. A friend of mine did that to me once... he got drunk and groped my girlfriend. I literally knocked him through a window. I told him that the law doesn't excuse a drunk driver when kill someone. And neither do I. They made the choice. They did what they wanted to do... put drinking before whatever stupid thing they now regret.

    Sorry to be so harsh, vote me down, whatever. It is true. All you can do is learn from it.

    • He was flirting around too, we aren't dating. By flirting I was just talking to a bunch of different people and so was he. His friends really like me and we were all having fun together. But i'm worried that he's upset I was flirting with other people. (remember we aren't official or anything).

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    • Well he might have been flirting because you were... nonetheless i suspect that he got jealous and decided that you weren't interested after all.

      If you really want to try and see, text him one more time tomorrow with something light and easy... and see if he responds. If he doesn't or it is rather dry, then you know it is too late. Hope it works out.

    • Good idea. Thanks for your response!

  • You were drunk, it think it's OK. Maybe he didn't text you because he knew you wouldn't be in town or even he was busy with something else. I don't think you blew it.

    • Are you sure? That makes me feel a little better.. I never usually get that drunk around him, that was the first time i was just really drunk. I feel a little embarrassed, but he likes me for me so I'm hoping he still feels the same.

    • He saw you drunk, didn't he? You recognized you were drunk, apologized, he said it was okay, so I don't see any problem. If he really likes you he won't stop talking to you because of what happened that day. So I think it's no big deal.

  • I think you should cut back on the drinking. And whoooo knows if you are just hooking up why would he care if you flirt with other guys?

    • I'm never gonna get that drunk again. and true, but the fact that he said he wants to take me out to dinner sort of sounded like "i want this to be more". But I could be wrong.

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    • We usually text at least once a day or every other day. If I wait till after Christmas he might think I've lost interest.. I don't know. I'll definitely ask how is break is going and stuff. I want to wait for him to text me, so I don't look stupid.

    • Alright, good luck

  • What do you mean by 'blew it'? Did you blow a potential girlfriend-boyfriend relationship? Yeah. Did you blow the friends with benefits relationship? nah. When he told you he was gonna take you out, he was starting to see you as girlfriend material, he was catching feelings. The whole party scene? It just told him in his head "nvm, I'm not special to her, I'm just like every other guy in that party, a hookup"

    • How can I show him he is? I mentioned that I was drunk and out of character. I don't drink like that usually.

    • Actions speak louder than words. Telling him you were drunk won't help too much, he can't get that mental picture out of his head... the part where you were flirting and ready to get fucked by the hot guy. You just gotta spend some more time with him and talk to him in person... texts don't do justice.

    • I won't be seeing him for a while since we're on Christmas break :/ so thats where I'm stuck. I'd rather see him in person.

  • Yep, you blew it. He probably doesn't see you as girlfriend material anymore. Honestly, if you brought your boyfriend to a party, and he got drunk and ignored you and flirted with all the other girls, how would you feel?

    • We aren't dating at all. We're just friends with benefits..

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    • In my opinion the sooner the better, if you wait he might start investing himself emotionally in some other girl he thinks is more serious.

    • Well we were texting for a bit yesterday and he didn't text back but he sent me a snapchat. and he didn't text me yet today.. so I'll just wait till tomorrow I guess.

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