I dont know if this is affecting me or not.. help?

Im 22 and I've never met my father.
My mother left my dad when i was 1, and it was for the best, he wasn't a good man to her. He abused her and didn't let her do anything.. made her stay at home. So she ran away and moved to another country and made a life for her and her two kids.
Im 22 now and I've never met him, he has tried to contact me, I've had him on Facebook, I've talked to him on the phone but i dont miss him or love him, i have no connection to him... and i dont really think a lot about him.

But at times i sit and really think, i dont have a father.. and a lot of people do, and when people talk about how great their dads are i try to hide my feelings, and i tell people im okay and i am but maybe deep inside im not?

I've never had a dad, and whne my mom gets in a serious relationship i am very sceptical to the men and im very protective of her, and I've always been as a child aswell.. when she told me she wanted to marry her previous boyfriend i cried and told her not to.

I have never had a boyfriend, im very independant and being in a relationship scares me, im scared of letting myself go and be in love. I dont want anyone to have a control of me.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like your mom's brainwashing has affected you.
    Sorry for being blunt, I wish you the best through all of this, you can rise above it.

    • how brainwash?

    • Show All
    • You brought it up, everything you've typed so far seem to point that she doesn't want you to get to know him. She's afraid you'll hear a different side of the story and resent her or spend less time around her, you might see her differently.

      I suggest you get to know him. As long as he isn't a druggie, or he didn't just get out of prison for assaulting a woman and/or raping someone, because that's what happens when you do those things, you go to prison... and men who do that definitely don't just try to talk to an estranged daughter they just left behind.

      I think you want to know, and he wants you to know that he's sorry. He's your biological father and the fact he's responded to you speaks volumes about his integrity.

      If he did beat your mom, that was years ago, he could've changed, obviously he didn't stalk her for years on end... most men that do that would've popped up in your life by now in some way or another.

      I'm from a cop family, and my ex's family was broken

    • I saw that she ran away to another country (US I imagine). Okay, well I guess my insight isn't as helpful, but I still sense from your comments that your mom is a bit manipulative.

      Hope you have a good Christmas holiday.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Stop controlling your mom & accept your sperm donor for what he is. Allow yourself to have a real life.

    • I dont really controll her.. but ye