Bf shows lack of trust in me?

My bf and I have been together for 4 years and we were entering his mom's house for dinner and he was typing in the pass code that is outside on the garage door to get into her house and it was literally just me and him and he always puts his hand over it like if I dare see it I will tell other people or sneak in one day or something. Well today I finally called him out on it since I felt upset because he was doing it all the time like didn't trust me or something and I was like babe you do realize its just me you don't have to hide anything its not like I'm going to break an entery or something. He just shrugged a bit after I said that but I don't know I was expecting a different type of response like oh silly me I keep forgetting its just you and its just a habit or something along those lines but when he just shrugged his shoulders it bothered me a bit. Like the one day he was carrying a bunch of bags into his mom's house and I asked him the combo to his mom's house so he didn't have to put everything down so I could help him out and he was like no I got it like he couldn't trust his own gf or something. I just felt a certain type of way about that like what after 4 years you can't trust that your own gf won't break into your mom's house or tell people the combo? I asked my mom's opinion and she said that this issue is a sign that he doesn't fully trust me like he should after this amount of time together and that I should calmly sit down with him and talk to him about why he doesn't fully trust me after this amount of time. She said its not just about the combination its about the principle of the fact that he obviously doesn't trust me in a certain aspect and it needs to be addressed soon since we plan on getting married eventually. Thoughts do you agree with my mom?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I can understand why you feel frustrated, honestly it could be that. Based on how you lay things out, you don't seem like you have gone behind his back (cheating on him, lied, etc.). One explanation could be him having a controlling mom (believe me I knew someone who was in his forties and he was still being controlled by his mom) and he is afraid she won't like him giving you the code. I don't know if maybe he is OCD or paranoid about those kinds of things, and he doesn't know how to express himself. I would definitely have a talk to see what's going on.

    • Yeah but even if his mom doesn't trust me he should know that after 4 years he can trust me. At this stage of the game in this area I believe I should over rule mom. I mean what about when we get married will he still listen to everything mom says about me negative?

    • I completely agree with you, the thing is that unfortunately if that is the case, he probably got "brainwashed" in a way that whatever his mom says goes, the person I mentioned actually got married and his mom controlling was one of the reasons the marriage ended on divorce. I'm merely speculating, I would suggest definitely confronting him and if he just shrugs, then you the right to an answer if it is upsetting you.

    • Yeah I will check with him and see maybe if his mom is putting it in his head not to trust me.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Maybe he doesn't trust you yet? Yes, I agree with your mom. Sit down with him and find out why he doesn't trust you.

    • Yeah I'm going to do that tomorrow. Sit him down and just be honest with him about how it makes me fe that after 4 years he doesn't fully trust me like he should. Since I never gave him reason not too. I never ever go through his phone or hang out with guys I shouldn't or anything remotely suspicious.

    • If I was dating a gal for 4 years, I would hope I'd know her enough whether to trust her or not. I'd hope I WOULD be able to trust her.

    • Exactly.

What Girls Said 2

  • Each person is different in their own way, so my guess is he thinks you are not married yet, so he doesn't have to tell you everything. I think if everything else is okay, you should not blow up this issue. You could talk to him about it casually though, asking whether he will tell it to you once you are married at least.

    • What does being married have to do with it? After 4 Yeats he should still trust me enough that it shlukdnt be a big deal to type in a garage password when his hands are full. I never said I expect him to tell me everything but yes after 4 years he should trust me enough that km not going to tell other people his moms password. It wasn't like I was asking for his phone password just to be nosy or something. Also what about couples who never get married should they never fully trust their partner?

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    • I feel he could be someone who attaches a lot of importance to formalities and ceremonies. But you have every right to ask him this question, but he's not completely wrong if you look at it from a legal perspective. I do understand this might kill the spontaneity in the relationship, but then you guys have to work it out between yourselves, its not up for argument.

      Or maybe, he does have a unique reason why he's doing that. Please ask him instead of jumping to conclusions.

    • Yeah I'm dedinitely trying not to jump to conclusions and I'm going to talk to him about it. But this just seems lime an issue that you wouldn't necessarily have to be married to have access to it just seems more like a trust issue to me. Somethinf bigger like having a joint bank account I could see him wanting to be married first for that. I will talk to him and see what he says.

  • I agree with your mother.
    You should definitely sit down and talk to him about it.
    You deserve way more than a shrug!
    Though he might have a different reason than just trust issues. It's hard to believe that a person who has been with you for four years doesn't completely trust you.
    Good luck!